My Biggest Complaint About The Expression “We’re Pregnant”

The expression, “we’re pregnant” has become firmly entrenched in the American vernacular. I can’t quite figure out if people who use it are confused about the proper use of pronouns, or are misinformed about how humans procreate, or are trying to include men in the pregnancy process for whatever reasons. I suspect it is a case of the latter, but let’s review.

For those confused about pronouns: “we’re pregnant” is perfectly fine if you are a woman and you are standing with at least one other woman and you both have a bun in the oven. If you are a man and you’re standing there with the woman you impregnated , the proper response is “she’s pregnant.” See the difference.

For those who don’t understand procreation: Clearly if you’ve impregnated somebody, you both probably understand that the one with the penis won’t become pregnant. You can’t have a false pregnancy, or a symbiotic pregnancy, or a pregnancy-like experience if you have a penis. You need a uterus, vagina, and some other important parts to be pregnant. So to recap, if you have a penis, you can’t be part of “we’re pregnant.”

I suspect that the expression, “we’re pregnant” was spawned from the idea that if we somehow include men in the part that happens for the first nine months after conception that they will somehow love their kid more, or be better fathers, or not demand a paternity test. It’s not hard to argue that those are important things, but like most things in life, I don’t think simply saying something in a special way makes it true.

Now, all that aside. My advice to you is this. If your wife is pregnant, and she wants to use the expression “we’re pregnant,” you should just smile and say, “yeah baby, we sure are!” If she wants to tell her friends that you are sharing in her morning sickness, or your back hurts from carrying around the load, and that your kidneys are tired of being kicked by the little guy, then you just agree. You can be the hero here.

But if you are hanging with a bunch of your guy buddies, you may want to reconsider using the term “we’re pregnant.” We see through that crap and we know that what you’re really trying to say is that it’s going to be a long time before you get any. The proper expression in this case is, “she’s pregnant; let’s have another six pack.”