If you’re in a hurricane and you’re calling me, I understand the wind in the phone… no harm, no foul.
If I’m calling you at your office and it sounds like your in a wind tunnel every few seconds, we have issues.
Either move the phone down below your mouth and talk, put me on hold while […]

I’ve complained about dropping stink bombs at work before, so I will not revisit the topic entirely. However, as it appears my previous complaint has done little to quell the massive stinky movements at work, I am moving on to thing 2.
Thing 1 of course is taking the stinky massive. Thing 2 is trying to […]

I’m excited. Can’t wait to watch. Can’t wait to have something to talk to about at work tomorrow. Finally.
But I can’t talk to you about it can I?
Me: “Did you see it last night?”
You: “No, I had to fart real hard. Don’t tell me about it though, I tivo’ed it. I’ll watch it later.”
Me: “I’m […]

No, I’m not complaining about taking a “walk on the wild side”. I’m complaining about walking on the wrong side of wherever you are walking.
Walking is like driving. Unless you are walking down a street that people can drive on (where you are supposed to walk facing oncoming traffic), walk on the same side you […]

I just walked into a co-worker’s cubicle and heard the faint sound of Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You”. Good song. I started humming it. Looked around, made sure nobody was looking, and even started a little dancing.
Then I thought, “WTF? These are good songs and I can’t enjoy them anymore.”
I can’t. I just keep thinking […]

My company has started printing little propaganda slogans and messages on my paycheck stubs.
The paycheck I just opened warned me that October is fire awareness month and I really need to plan my escape route from my house. This got me thinking like a good Jedi mind trick, “yes, I do need to plan my […]

My biggest complaint about undressing for the metal detector is not that I have to do it, but that you do.
For the most part, you know your daily schedule enough to know whether or not you’re going to be going through a metal detector during the day. It’s not like metal detectors and security check […]

If the door is broken, no harm - no foul. Thanks for telling me about it.
But if the door works perfectly well, why not use it? This building has multiple doors for a reason, doesn’t it?
It seems I’ve seen a rash of “Please Use Other Door” signs on completely new buildings. The doors are obviously […]

It may be impossible to keep this complaint and the comments that will surely follow clean and within the rules, but at least I thought about it.
My biggest complaint about dropping stink bombs at work is that most of the people seem to use the work bathroom to do their dirtiest, stinkiest bowel movements. Sometimes […]

I have the pleasure of going through several metal detector security checkpoints almost daily. Most metal detector security guys require people with laptops to turn on the machines after the laptops have passed through the x-ray machine.
Note to you: HIBERNATE YOUR DAMN LAPTOP - DON’T TURN IT OFF!
Having to wait for you to boot your […]

As I walk down the corridor at work, they beckon to me more than the cute pictures of your kids taped to the side of your monitor. Maybe that’s because of the bright fluorescent stickies you write them on, or maybe it’s the highlight marker you’ve used to accent them so nicely. Whatever the case, […]

Everybody’s got to eat. But do you have to bring food like fish and bacon to work to cook in the microwave. Trust me, it never smells as good at work as it does at home the night before.
No matter how big or small your office is, the smell of certain foods will flow. Even […]