So you’ve got huge jugs. I see them, my kids see them, everybody around you sees them. They’re so big that you can’t even see over them.
The problem is that my wife sees them, too. They are like the proverbial “pink elephant in the room,” except that they aren’t proverbial, there are two of them, and if your cavernous cleavage is any indication, they aren’t actually pink.
I will be ignorning them. My wife has decided that.
So let’s say you are our waitress. You’re carrying our dinner high above your head on that server-tray thingy. All that my wife and I see coming toward us is your two big jugs. You reach across the end our table to set down my buddy’s lobster dinner. Naturally, I’m sitting on the outside and one of your huge jugs almost knocks my beer over. I have to catch it and I nearly touch one of them. My wife looks over to me to make sure that I did not notice your huge jugs. I don’t look at them, or smile, or laugh. I am deadpan. She confirms what we both already knew. I didn’t see them. What jugs? Nope, nobody has jugs here. Especially not you.
My biggest complaint about pretending not to see your huge jugs is that your huge jugs have altered reality for my wife and I. Her ability to detect big jugs coming towards me has been heightened while I am literally blinded by your huge jugs.
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so, are you upset at big jugs or your wife?
I don’t expect your wife to be HAPPY about seeing you look at a woman’s breasts, but your partner (til death do you part) should understand you enough to know that you’re a man and find breasts highly attractive.
A man’s genetic wiring instructs him to find large full breasts (real or fake) an attractive sign of fertility on a woman.
If your waiter was male, in a pair of tight boxer briefs with enormously large testicles and a python-like schlong coiled inside his cotton cod-piece, I imagine your wife (and any other heterosexual woman) would chance a glance.
On the other hand, you’re being a gentleman and showing your wife a great deal of respect by doing your best to ignore those delicious meat curtains. But don’t castrate yourself to uphold your wife’s polluted version of a married man’s sex drive. Western civilization has screwed our minds by making breasts acceptable to be teasingly displayed and making it rude for men to ogle them. Fight the power, my brother.
Well, men glaring at breasts are a function of our being. We have to look. Its completely unnatural to not look. Even if you don;t look you know they are there and you should be looking.Don’t ffight nature .. glare .. glare at them in amazement. That’s why she put them out there. They are fabulous and bountiful. Women look at them with envy as much as we do.
Don’t be such a puss. Jeez…. Take a look at em. Your wife sounds like a ****. You might consider divorcing that insecure bitch for someone who doesn’t have to freak out when another woman is around. Also, do you have some track record of cheating on your wife that would make her insecure? If that is the case, your wife might be behaving as you have trained her to, that is monitoring you to make sure you’re not trying to bone the waitress. If that’s true, then you’re the one to blame for her disdain at hot women. Or it could be that you’re just a puss, letting your wife control you. Cheating is betrayal, and therefore I never cheat, because one of the first things that I clear up with any woman is the fact that no matter how serious we get, I’m still going to watch porn, try and have threesomes, and possibly bone her friends. I don’t lie. Women can take me or leave me, preferably in that order too, haha…
Meat on November 25th, 2008 at 1:55 am | Link
If you were wearing sweat pand an had a rod, would people look?
Ahh… what a great world it would be if we could see every waitresses’ “delicious meat curtains”. But that would have to be a pretty short skirt! We’ll just have to settle for the jugs in the meantime.
squig on April 21st, 2009 at 4:56 pm | Link
Big Jugs are GREAT. Your wife sounds like a jealous wreck. Just because you take a look or not does not change the fact that there are huge jugs within your line of sight. It is natural for your eyes to wander in that direction. ( . Y . )
stfu on February 9th, 2010 at 10:31 pm | Link