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My Biggest Complaint About My Hairy Stomach

As standards of beauty continue to evolve and rotate through cycles, we have come to a point in men’s grooming where it seems that having body hair is considered an aesthetic faux pas. This is kind of a problem as while I don’t have much chest hair, I have a huge mat of dark hair on my stomach; I really think it’s grown thicker and over the years, developing a daggerlike tuft that looks like it’s trying to cover my navel. Kind of puts a damper on, you know, women actually wanting to touch me. What can a guy do? You can’t shave it - you’ll have stubble in 20 minutes and in any case it’s impossible to get it all. Waxing is excruciating, and also impossible to get it all. Even if you manage to perform either of those options perfectly, anyone can still tell with anything more than a passing inspection that you’ve shaved or waxed your hirsute intestine cradle. I suppose I’ll have drop the couple grand it’ll take to get all this laser ablated; that or I’ll get out the tweezers and start plucking. - but there’s no guarantee the first side I finish won’t have grown back before I complete the other.

Also, as there might be a tiny chance of some chronic optimists coming across this who say something like “You should like yourself for who you are and surely there are women who will as well.” - No thanks. You can be who you are and hope you’ll someday meet the one woman from Tierra Del Fuego who enjoys who you are, or you can suck it up, wax your stomach hair, pretend you have some money and hopefully get laid before the ruse is discovered (or your body hair grows back)!

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7 Comments

  1. I dont mind a fuzzy tummy, the chest and back is a different story. I saw a guy that looked like he was wearing a sweater he was so hairy. Hope that makes you feel better it could always be worse!

  2. It seems kind of un-manly if a guy has absolutely no hair on his body. Unless you’re a body builder there is no reason to take off the hair on your front.

    You gonna take the hair the hair off your arms and legs too?? You want to look like a baby?

    Normal women don’t care about a little body hair and normal men don’t want to look like a 5 year old boy

  3. What did that dude say?

  4. Too easy, #1 attachment on a beard trimmer. Stand over some news paper and let her rip. The hair is short and looks like you actually care what WOMEN think and it is just long enough to not poke through your shirt, and that feels weird.

  5. That hair isn’t coming from your stomach, it’s creeping up from your nasty bush where you hide your twigs and berries.

  6. I LOVE hairy men, the more the better

  7. […] go looking for this when I clicked a link to a “complaint” website, but thought it was important reading for all North American men and women. You can ask a (wo)man to shave, but you can’t make […]

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