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Jealous Women Coworkers | My Biggest Complaint
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Random: Football Players Talking About Hostile Environments
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My Biggest Complaint About Jealous Women Coworkers

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Wow, reading all these posts really hit home with me. For the longest time I could not figure out why friends and coworkers (all females by the way) would distance themselves from me.
I am a somewhat naive person believing in hard work and also sharing successes. Never would I have thought that people can be so cold and downright dangerous in their jealousy towards me.

I can deal with jealous friends, I usually cut those so called friendships out of my life. Of course I have found that I have hardly any friends anymore due to my having to battle their jealousy towards me.

But my real troubles are at work. It all started with jealous women coworkers and that jealousy doubled when I began to move up in my job and became more sucessfull. Not all women coworkers are jealous but the ladies that are try to hurt me every day. They ignore me on purpose, do not greet back, send nasty glares and just stare at me in hateful ways. I can not believe how low these women go to hurt me. Whenever they notice a mistake I have made they go straight to management and report me and try to get me into trouble. They have even gone so low to form a group and Email to my boss that I am not doing a good job. I have printed these Emails and I have kept them for evidence.

This has now snowballed to the point that management at my job, after hearing the numerous complaints of my jealous coworkers to reprimand me. I am a very hard worker and I even continue to be friendly with all these bullies. Sadly, all of management is female and they seem to look at me as trouble. I am now being exposed for little mistakes and even reprimanded for small things that have no bearing on the quality of my work. I am the highest performer in this business, very sucessful at what I do and now I am facing a group of jealous coworkers and managers alike that are now willing to cooperate to bully me and to intimidate me and get me out of the workplace. It is amazing for me to watch these women, as they are very obvious in their task trying to eliminate me. Often as I walk in the door of my work one of these women is already waiting for me ready to harass me before I even begin working. I am facing a jealousy campaign against me.

That being said, my life is far from perfect. I am middle aged, recently divorced and trying to cope with paying the bills like everyone else. That even makes it hurt worse that people are trying to take me down like this and never have I done anything to hurt them and I just can not understand it. I am a person who will go straight to work and I am proud of my work. I am a very hard worker and I love my customers in this business.
Sadly, my sucess is one of the things these women, including my managers, must be jealous of. I always try to bend over backwards to please them, only to be met with additional criticism. I have even noticed that they are now moving in on several of my products in this company and they are trying to sabotage my work by either not ordering work products that I need or to plainly remove some of my products from inventory alltogether. This is a new low for them. How does one fight this? It is impossible.

I am a hard worker, and heaven forbid I do happen to be attractive too. Oh my god, that is a lethal combination, because no matter what position these women are in my company they do not like me for those reasons alone. I am not confrontational at all and I prefer to do my work and stay out of their way. But they always find me and they always try to tear me down. I don’t know how to deal with this negativity but now I know that I am not alone and that helps so much. But what can one do with this kind of information? There has got to be a way to fight the jealous bully behavior of females? I would never ever behave in the way these women do. Aren’t they ashamed at all? How can they live with themselves? How do these women sleep at night?

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  1. I totally understand you as I am in the same boat, At times I feel why do I always have to prove myself, a small mistake is over exaggerated. I don’t even what I have done. I am nice to everyone,sincere hard working person, keep to myself yet nobody want to be my friend, I wonder sometimes atleast one person has to see through the lies. I have often thought how can they go to bed doing bad stuff. The good part is I am happily married, it hurts that I am not welcome by my colleagues but I don’t have to bring it home. I also have a good boss who knows to put these women into their place. She is smart knows how to get the best of everyone. I have come to understand it’s best to ignore jeolous people and concentrate on your work. Nobody can take that it is all black and white.

  2. I am so sorry to hear about this. I worked in “corporate America” for the last 16 years and have had my share of problems too and it is disgusting.

    You do not deserve this treatment at all. Have you considered going to HR to discuss the situation? I don’t think you can continue on in the current environment the way it is going. I would either bring it to the attention of HR or immediately start looking for a new job.

    Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I am very sorry to hear you are going through all of these life changes and having to deal with such horrible people at work.

  3. I do not believe in quitting because then you are enabling these mean women, instead challenge them by doing what you do best ie concentrate on work and ignore them. At some point they have to give up or quit themselves because they could not win bulling you.Where ever you go there are these mean women or even men. You got to stand up for yourself. What I really want to know is if you supect somebody trying to sabotage you then how to handle that, you cannot go to HR because you don’t have facts. I would like to catch these people in the act by getting outside help.Is this a possibility?

  4. Surekha -I totally see your point, but for me it just isn’t worth all of the negative energy.

    I never ever gave up (despite many very difficult situations), but it takes a toll on you. In this woman’s situation, it just is not good when “everyone” is against you. You can’t win.

    I’d be curious to learn more about the other side of the story (as there are always 2)….perhaps we could learn more about the situation to better understand why all of these women are being so awful.

    I just think the chances of this happening somewhere else (to the extent it is here) are low….just is a bad fit all around.

  5. I am in a similar situation. I have been on the job and my boss and manager have come to me and asked me to help. We are barely making the bottom line and I have lots of experience in my profession. I am capable of what they are asking me but the ladies in the office that have been there for years are spending time playing pety games. I feel if they would take that energy and apply it to the success of the office we would all be in a win situation.

  6. After reading your story I feel so good that I am not alone. This is exactly what I go through. Its so weird because I thought something was wrong with me. Especially about not ordering your supplies or hiding them, trying to make you look bad. Girlfriend, just try to hang in there and ignore it. Don’t go to HR though. There really isn’t any help just try to be civil and maybe someone cuter will get hired and they’ll target her.

  7. Keep everything documented that happens to cover yourself. Such as who was around you when it happened, date, time…what was said. When people are out to hurt you in this manner you can not give them anything to go and say..”well she said this to me…” Negative comments are easier to believe for some people when they can not understand the concept of honest hard work to be successful. If you have access to a computer..send your self e-mails and save them with your evidence. Print them out. They will have the date and times on it. Lies can not always be backed up, simply because they are LIES. These co-workers will fall in thier own ditches hard. The truth is easier to remember, a lie will need other lies to back it up which will eventually cause these co-workers their own troubles.

    This is a form a of harrassment you are going through. Once you have enough evidence to fall on, it is up to management to do their job right too. I totally understand what you are going through, for this is something that I experience as well. For you are working, doing what you are paid to do while these other co-workers are being lazy enough to where they have time on their hands to cause trouble. And if management would take this into consideration how this group of co-workers were able to come up with such non-sense about you…what were they doing regarding the work load that they were assigned to do? Are they getting their work done? I bet you no, and they would lie and say that they did and back each other up.

  8. I know exactly how you feel!!! Because I’m experiencing the same thing! I’m really sorry for what’s happening to you. I would like to know what to do as well.

    To make matters worse, one of my jealousy co-workers is my boss’ wife!!! Because my boss and MD are men, the women suck up to them, so when I made a complaint about the bullying, the mangers just don’t believe me! I had enough this bull$hit, I’m applying for other jobs.

    You sound a bright, nice person, I really hope things work out for you, perhaps new employment is a good idea.

  9. This is considered “Status Blind Harassment” and unfortunaetly is not illegal, though there are some lawyers working on outlawing it such behavior in the workplace. A non-legal term for this is bullying and if many people are bullying it is called “Mobbing”.

  10. Keep your heads up. when you are favored by God and others such as your Boss and his Boss, such as myself, people will be envious of you. I have recently got a promotion. I always work hard, help others and go that extra mile. Well, because of this, people have even came to my desk and ask “How in the hell can you do two jobs?” I replied..” I am only helping out”. If I were in my 20’s or 30’s I would have replied differently such as “why in the f..k do you need to know? But I am older and wiser now. I was training a new employee who was having difficulty learning my old job. She is smart, but can be lazy, and purposely acts like she doesn’t know so see if I will go ahead and do the work for her…but I won’t.

    Because of my success now other employees are jealous and sometimes try to make jokes or belittle me to make me feel inferior, but I know it is because they are mad that I got promoted. I am just going to let Management announce it. I think the word is already out, though!!! Who cares, You and I deserve promotions and other good things in life because you and I have the skills, experience and have always worked hard at all of my jobs in life….Never, let anyone take your joy away…smile and go about your day..I just smile and hum a nice song and keep keeping on. Hold yor heads up high and ignore those fools.

  11. When a woman is feeling like other co-workers are jealous of her, a lot of the time they are not jealous. They just may not like you. Maybe you walk around and give an impression that you’re something special, but they don’t agree that you are. I can honestly say that I am not jealous of anyone I work with or anyone I’m in class with. There are a few women that I just don’t mesh with and it has nothing to do with personal accomplishments or appearance. So, don’t assume women are jeaous of you. Unless you look like Miranda Kerr, maybe they shun you because you ARE doing a poor job!

  12. Alexia, you are probably one of those jealous women. You sound like it. Whenever people, specifically women, say things like “she acts like she’s so special” or “she thinks she’s all that,” I immediately know that the person saying that is the one who thinks that particularly person is “so special” or “all that” and it makes that catty, jealous woman feel bad to think another woman is “so special,” so she begins her campaign to bring the woman down, instead of a campaign to bring her own self up. I am pretty sure you are probably a jealous person, Alexia. To the original poster, this happened to me. I was the youngest woman in the office, and I would get praise and the other women would immediately say something negative. They were so pathetic but they really messed me up. I mean, bad. Thankfully, the Lord has showed me favor and I ended up in an amazing program. The Lord will really take care of you. In the year since I’ve been gone from there, one of them died, another one left and the others are stuck there with each other, which is hell enough.

  13. I too, am a victim of coworkers harassment. These harassment are subtle and on the DL. I help out other departments when my dept. isn’t busy and it creates havoc. I suppose it makes them look bad for playing suduko all day long. I just believe in working for the money I receive, but I have been told they don’t like me because it makes them look bad.

  14. Ladies, or shall I say Allies! We are targeted by bullies like Alexia because we are ethical, principled, hard-working, compassionate and more than likely, people-pleasers. And… if you happen to be smart and attractive, you really become a target!
    Oh, I’ve seen it all! If you thought you were out of grade-school or middle school, think again. I have been the target of bullying and mobbing everywhere I have been employed — from the military, to industry to government civil service. I’ve read a lot on this type of behavior as I wanted to understand why I continued to be a target for downright evil women terrorists. Terrorists is just what they are.
    I know you have all seen it, except Alexia. These women put on a front to management and others that they are such good-doers and profess they are Christians, while secretly recruiting more members to the terrorist group. They walk by you and start whispering or stop talking and start laughing. They don’t greet you when you speak to them. They ignore you or don’t acknowledge you if you need to go to them for assistance (even though the assistance you need is part of the job for which they get paid). They fabricate defamatory stories and tell all who will listen. They sneer, roll their eyes, laugh out loud, snort, etc. when they pass you.
    Does anyone even believe you when you try to express what your experiencing? The trauma induced by these insecure and often times ugly, fat women is unbelievable. Oh, yes! I’m pissed off about you all getting the bullying treatment just as much as I’m angered by what has happened to me. Yet, I’ve also had many sleepless, tearful nights. I have had panic attacks, fearing what these bullies would scheme up to harass, embarrass or humiliate me.
    No one believes you, even your best friend. People treat you like you are paranoid or mentally ill when you regurgitate your traumatic experiences as a target.
    I know this — going to HR or going to management actually makes it worse. You are looked at as the “problem.” After all, it’s easier to get rid of one person that a whole gang.” Statistics have shown that most employees do nothing to help the target and actually start looking for reasons to get rid of the “problem child.” Most often, the victim has to leave the place of employment to experience any reprieve, sacrificing tenure, retirement benefits, etc.
    There needs to be a law passed to protect people like us from people like them. There are no consequences for this behavior which is why it continues. Plus, it is so hard to prove as these terrorists are smart enough not to behave inappropriately in front of anyone. If you are walking with a friend, they will smile or say hello to the friend (but not you). Your friend sees nothing wrong and says she thinks they always seem “friendly.”
    As you can tell, this subject hits home. I am in my late 40s, 5′ll and relatively thin. I wouldn’t say I’m that great looking, but I have a low self-esteem, so I never think I look good. However, I end up being a threat to some tyrannical bitch everywhere I go.
    If you are like me, you don’t like conflict. You treat others with dignity and respect and you go out of your way not to be mean to others. Most people, especially men, like you, right! You work harder than most and are very ethical (I am always the last person to leave work wherever I go, putting in 12-14 hours to meet the goals of the organization).
    The terrorists hate that you work hard and people like you. They can’t attack your work ethic (although they try to and pray for the moment they catch coming in late or doing anything personal at work). If they can’t catch you in this type of behavior (this is my case as I don’t surf the internet, take or make personal phone calls or stand around talking or visiting while at work), they set out to defame you by telling everyone who will listen whatever it is that they say to cause people to judge you and then shun without ever having had an unpleasant experience with you.
    The only solution around this is to have your own business and then hire those people who have the same governing values and principles as you do. It has been my experience for years now that integrity, honesty and hard work are not respected in the workforce. Do you know why? Because we set the bar higher — we make the rest of them look like losers. We are not self-centered. It’s not all about us and what our employer can do for US! We believe in being a value-add to our employer and our satisfaction comes from being instrumental in the success of the organization.
    These terrorists are political players. We are not good at politics. They fear us and are intimidated. We remind them of what they should be doing or how they should be acting. We are a slap in the face! They hate us for no reason other than we are BETTER than they are. We are 180 degrees their opposite — for this, we can be especially proud.
    As a repetitive victim of this crime, I would like nothing better than to be instrumental in getting a law passed which will be enforced that will help those targeted and bullied like we have been.
    It is really shameful that people are so terribly mean and will target someone who has never done anything to harm them. Emotional scars from this treatment never go away. If I could hurt them as much as they hurt me, the Lord as my witness, I would do it!
    Sorry for the tangent. May you all find peace and serenity.

  15. Wow Sam, it is like you are my double!!! I swear I come home to my husband every night complaining about how women at work behave towards me. It is really pathetic! I dress very well and wear heels almost everyday. It is unbelievable, as they say, that I can wear high heels to work everyday. I have always dressed very professionally, in every job that I have had. I catch it all from those vipers, and yes, some are fat, all are ugly to me because of how they treat me. I get complimented all the time- mostly in front of them and they cannot handle it. What is very sad, though- is some of them pretend to befriend me and they have spread rumors among each other, that I am having an affair at work. I know they have done this, but I cannot prove it and I don’t want to cause a stink about it because I don’t want to be a part of the rumor-spreading. I keep my head up and I am very confident and they hate it. Some are older by about 8 years and some are younger, the thing that kills them most, is most people think that I am 15 years younger than I really am. They don’t care that I am married, they are intimidated by me and will say or do anything to keep a positive image of me out of people’s minds. It is horrible and I wish that I can catch them red-handed at their games.

  16. Up until I read all these comments I thought what am I doing wrong, I made my husband read it too because he always told me I am pushing my colleagues buttons.I am especially drawn to the post written by Michelle on 01/27/10. It reads as follows

    This is considered “Status Blind Harassment” and unfortunaetly is not illegal, though there are some lawyers working on outlawing it such behavior in the workplace. A non-legal term for this is bullying and if many people are bullying it is called “Mobbing”.

    I am experiencing more of a ‘Mobbing’ and I wish to get involved in a group who are working to put these people in their place. I know what each one is doing, one of them even has her brother involved aka fake bodyguard. These people are have done this before they are not amateurs in the game. Because they are so in it together they have allies to cover their backs even it means they have taken a day off. Like I heard one time I told my boss I was not there so it is not me.
    I am a fighter, I want to put an end to this so people can work harmoniously. we all have talents, capitivate on that instead of trying to shine by bringing someone down by false allegations.

  17. This is happening to me too!!!! It has nearly driven me crazy!! To make matters worse I relocated from another country to the US. Left family and friends behind all to be treated like crap day in and day out. I just want to do my job!! I do it, but people keep telling the supervisor I don’t help! It is nuts! The more I try to do better the worse it seems to get! My poor boyfriend hears about it every day. I had to start going to councelling to give him and us a break. I suspect jealousy is part of it and low esteem on their part. Trying to bring others down cuz they really feel like crap about themselves. But it is awful to bare the brunt of their insecurities. If they just did their job it would be great! I hear all of you and you are not alone! I am so relieved to know that I’m not…stay strong!! The more they are talking and acting stupid means you are probably making them more jealous…(haha!!!)

  18. Thankfully, they don’t get under my skin. I think at the end of the it’s them you can’t sleep because they are getting closer and closer of being exposed/ caught. I am watching and collecting data……… What I really want to do is form a organisation to fight this at work place. I am reading and researching, maybe some day it will become a law and such people will be punished.

  19. Alexis, you are a jealous person. Sounds like you can’t handle it when the spotlight is not on you. Grow up! Some women are better looking and more talented then you will ever be, HATER!

  20. If you DO find a way to fight jealous bitchy females at the office, please let me know! You’re story sounds just like mine. Maybe someone could start a Facebook page on “Hard Working Women Against Insecure, Bitchy Women In the Office”! LOL!

  21. Oh, and another thing: it’s funny how they can act like your “friend” until you get a promotion or get commended by upper management on a good idea you suggested, etc. My way of handling these bitches is to be very direct and confrontational when they act bitchy. i.e., Sue isn’t speaking to me so at the copy machine, I go up to her and very sweetly say, “Are you OK? You seem down!” Betty is rolling her eyes at me and right in front of everyone, I gently ask, “Betty? Is everything OK? Did I do something to offend you? My God, if I did, puhleeze tell me!” In both scenarios, their responses are “Oh…uhhh…no…everything’s OK” and they get uncomfortable. I hold these types ACCOUNTABLE for their actions. Maybe if the bitches of the world were questioned everytime something slithered off their forked tongues, it might make a difference.

  22. Thank you Sam! I have been telling myself the same thing about jealousy, but it’s still hard to function sometimes when you know someone is out to get you. My biggest fault is that I refuse to take anyone’s crap. Where I work - now for only two years - that makes me a f****n bitch. So, the special ones can cry to the boss and get what they want, but if I even speak a little of being fair, I’m a “cry baby”. All I want is fairness in the workplace, that the work be evenly divided among the women. I don’t think I’m dealing with jealousy, it’s more that I had something to do with change in our workplace. People who did very little work now have to do their fair share. So I deal with the eye rolls, whispers, gossip about an affair with my work partner, you get the picture. You have reinforced my belief that I’m not a bad person for standing up for myself and I don’t deserve to even waste my time or energy on people who have nothing better to do than waste their time hating me. They must be pretty bored with their own lives. Good luck to all of you and even though it’s hard, ignore it as best you can.

  23. Don’t take this personal, but I find it hard to believe that every woman at your work is jealous of you. You keep repeating that you are a hardworker, but you don’t exactly mention how you are accomplishing this. Maybe you are making a lot of mistakes in your job, and they end up having to clean up after you. I spent a lot of time and effort training a coworker, who six months later still does not know how to do her job. Every time I go to her with a mistake that she has made and tell her how to do it properly (for the tenth time) she responds by saying “Oh! I didn’t know that.” She pisses me off so much and I have lost all of my patience her. I think my boss thinks I didn’t train her properly, because every time she makes a mistake she just says that she didn’t know. She is making me look bad. I emphasize that I’m not JEALOUS of her, I just don’t like her because of her lack of initiative and attitude towards her job. Having said that, maybe you should re-evaluate your actions at work. Maybe your coworkers don’t like you because you are making their jobs harder.

  24. Kerri, I have seen both sides, maybe in your case she is not as smart. But there are also women who don’t know how to train others,they maybe good at their job but teaching is not their cup of tea. eg: few years ago I had a part time job at a clothing distribution center, I worked for a year or less and decided to quit,my boss told me to train someone on my last two days.She was so impressed with the way I trained she told me she didn’t know I was good trainer.When I was new with my current job I too had to take a lot of insults to get my answer but I didn’t care, My goal was to become successful.I knew my job, all I needed was to know the system. Having said that women can be very spiteful. The best thing to do is just keep working and talk when talked to or when needed. Do the right thing,don’t try to be like them just ignore. There was a time I felt I needed to fight this to make it a law, then I started watching Dr.Charles Stanley,in one of his surmons he had mentioned how people had tried to bring him down during his earlier days when he was a upcoming preacher and how he overcame that.I also listen time to time to Tony Robbins and read about successful people.For every action there is a consequence when the time is right.Nobody can get away if they did something wrong. Watch dateline ‘I almost got away’ or ‘America’s Most Wanted’. Small or big it will catch up with you.

  25. Good Morning all , im new to this site just stumbled upon this because im dealing with what alot of you are dealing with now . Im the type of person who likes to be in a very positive place .. i’m not stating that im always positive but i would rather get along with my co-workers than to come in every other day facing attitudes. I hate that any of us are going through these situations because of peoples insecurities . For example i come in the office and i constantly get ignored by these two young ladies , one of which i trained and she is new .. and also is sleeping with my supervisor (FACT ) but who really cares? as a matter of fact when she first got here she told me that her and my supervisor had a discussion and he wanted me to train her because i was the most professional in the dept. (mind you there is only 3 of us in the office so go figure . So i trained her and got her up to par , kept her informed and was sure to never speak badly of the other girl in the office ..who has been reprmanded several times and is actuallly on her last leg due to her constantly being late or loud and unprofessional. About a year later she has completely turned on me .. i never take any co worker as a friend but i try to help and im nice , and not in an ass kissing type of way , but now suddenly i come in , in the morning and speak to each person as i always have and say “How are you all doing ladies “? and it’s just a response such as GOOD ..and going to get lunch and just being excluded in many ways . I never advocate the gossiping or talking to anyone about how anyone acts, but the Supervisor (her cut buddy ) pretty much gave her the low down on each one of us (according to her ) ! To help you all understand a little better i work at a jail so the environment is not really up to par as far as professionalism is concerned . I get called the little white girl or the yellow girl and all kinds of suttle comments . So now that the new girl has chosen to judge me because im light skinned , or alot of the guys talk to me she leans towards the girl that is less pretty .. neither of the girls are that attractive , but hell who cares ? You can be pretty as hell and have a stinking personality and that would make you ugly . I have recently started praying and we all know that pray or are spritual that GOD will make your enemy your footstool .. heck im mad because i even care .. I think the new girl regrets that she has told me alot of her personal business and it bothers her ..but it stays with me . I just come to work do my job and keep to myself now .. i will speak and just pray. Jealousy makes no sense to me . Im the type of person that i will give it to you hard if you mess with me .. one day she made a comment about something i had on, or made a comment about my hair and so i told her . Wow you don’t even have kids and have dents or cottage cheese in your behind , have taken things off of my desk and i cornered her with the door closed and told her to never touch anything on my desk i respect her.. so i can be harsh when pissed off , which can at times be intimidating because i know how i can get when pissed off . I could reallly go on and on , and i know to some it sounds petty , but what pisses me off so bad is im trying to work on myself and be careful how i handle things in my life (spiriturally ) and it’s not working for me yet ,because everyday i want to smack the heck out of those two for doing the little small things that they do and say to me . None of us can help the way that GOD has made us and i know enough about the girls to know that they are extremely miserable and i have happiness in my life . My home life is great and my fiance’ just says ignore them , but it is so hard because im such a friendly person that has the ability to get along with anyone, but i don’t take stuff off of anyone , so this is a struggle and it really hurts my feelings @ times because i do love people .

  26. I cannot tell you how reading all of the different comments has helped me. While I recognize that there may be 2 sides to every story, I so feel for anyone who has to undergo bullying, unfair treatment, poor performance reviews, and all manner of underhanded treatment. Recently, I received a review that was not me at all. It devastated me to the point that I got very depressed and even considered counseling. I lost some of my hours and they were given to a very flighty competitive person who knows how to play dirty and who worked for my boss right before me. The point is that when one is not in the power seat there is little that can be done. Going to HR or upper management is not the answer, either, because you cannot fight a sick political climate or tell your story to ignorant, non-caring people. I went through the correct communication channels and it made me feel worse and more hopeless. So, talking to others only helps if you have topnotch, aware management to talk to. You cannot really talk to a friend unless they have suffered the same treatment. You end up looking like a whiner or a loser, when in actuality you are not. I am attractive, intelligent, try to do the right thing, and a hard worker. I’ll never understand bosses or co-workers, who are so insecure that they try to bring you down. What I try and do is remember employers who truly valued me in the past and what they said about me in their performance reviews. You have to be really tough to survive people who try and sabbatoge you, and sometimes your emotional health is more important and you need to look for a new job, (tough and not always practical in this economy), but your health must come first. I know I bear scars, as I keep replaying things. I get along well with people, but my female boss ( severely blindsided me and I just keep asking why? I hear she has unfairly gotten rid of others before me. I so want to thank you for this website. Hearing what others have experienced has helped me.

  27. I agree with you girls, but hang in tight. I am going thru the same crap..these girls or boys for that matter who want to pull us down are the most ugly looking, non-performing, and cheap people who definitely do not have any thing better to look forward to in their own lives…so enjoy the celebrity status and remember we can’t stoop to their lowly levels but there is no need to feel threathened about this as well…these women or men are just damn losers in their and their only accomplishment is that they are our enemies..or else who would even give them a second look..right!!

  28. Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you. My recommendation would be to leave. Even though every workplace has this nonsense taking place, some have a lot less then others. This toxic environment will only bring you down and possibly affect your health with the stress it creates. I wish women like this could be punished.

    I myself am going through a situation where this lady that’s a little older then me, an attractive lady but very vain, lives to be admired by others, is totally jealous and threatened by me even though I’ve always been kind and try to stay out of her way. Our jobs don’t compete with one another so I don’t get why she cares if I exist in the building or not. She took the only friend I had at work away (very deliberate move on her behalf), I guess it wasn’t much of a friend if it was that easy and she’s made snarky remarks aimed at me in emails. She snubs me, never says good morning and has never been grateful for the things I’ve done for her - even driving her to destinations. I’m blown away…she is truly the nastiest person I’ve met in a long time. My ‘old’ friend defends her and has her head in the sand, taking this lady’s side.

    My goal is to get enough freelance clients built up to leave the corporate world, as everywhere I’ve gone I’ve endured difficult women and I’m through with it. I get along fine with people if they don’t perceive me as a threat to their image or job, status, etc. which is the case when you’re just the freelance worker :).

    It’s a shame women don’t support each other more in a world where men still get the majority of the large high paying roles.

    On a side note, sometimes even I can dislike a manager that’s female if they display an ‘ugly’ side. There is one girl I know that is in her 20’s, was given a management role and flaunted her successes and credentials to everyone the first week she started. It comes across as really poor and unfortunatley for me, I probably won’t bother trying to get to know her better after that, as modesty, no matter how talented you are, is a virtue.

  29. I KNEW ALL ALONG THIS kind of bullying is being done at my job, but i will ignore it but now that i am back in colledge, and moving up in life, I have become angry, knowing my manager is a bitch and tow faced, unprofessional nurse who hate the world…so the little people who mob with her indirectly are of the same mind and soul, but i am spanish white kind and giving bring in donuts ect. while they never invite to order lunch with them.. so what i only twice a week there working for jobcrops, and they are full time wellness worker hateing on the trainee.. i see the compliance rules are not followed and gossip is the main meal of the full dayn, heck give my mind a break , isn;t there better things in life…I mentall exclude myself because i just don;t sit around al day waiting for a traniee all day to come in for a tampon or headach pill , a chusion ass job.. but it is secrectly getto environmement… I DON;T KNOW IF IT IS because i.m not there race but im beginning to think so.. anyways i decided to continue to ignore those ape like bitches and hurry and finish school so i can move on… THANK JUST NEED TO VENT.. GLAD im not the only one………>>>>

  30. First I want to say that I am sincerely saddend that there is so much of this crap going on out there. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you and I wish for you to find some peace in what I leave here. I am going through my own hell too very simular to what you are dealing with…. and I could go on forever but after all the dust has settled from the sh*t storm we are all in, here is what I have learned. Management doesnt help, ever! They dont care about the crap that goes on below them. And the sad thing is that these issues are everywhere. Look how many of us are in pain and miserable. I am looking for another job but I am feeling blessed to have this one. I have turned to prayer and feng shui (dont laugh) to give me more inspiration and keep pushing forward. I am striving to find the beauty in every day, and I appreciate it even more when I am away from the office and back in my safe cocoon of peace where I am in control. Try to find a way to empower yourself. You are beautiful people, and you do not deserve this. You will overcome, and you will be so much better from the experience. I also know I am not perfect. I have come to terms where I have made mistakes with this group that I work with. But I also see the whole picture now of where management is not doing thier jobs either. Today television networks make money on throwing a group of people in a room and give them a task to do with no leadership. We are set up to fail all the time ladies, we just cant let that happen! Protect yourself, find your strength and do something everyday to remind yourself that you are amazing to care as much as you do, and want fairness and equallity. I wish for you all for better days to come! God Bless and success!

  31. I completely understand, I have my upper management ignoring me, I am not in the “Cool Girls Clique” and discovered a co-worker is a backstabbing/behind kisser. My place of employment feels like I am back in high school and I refuse to relive that life again. I cannot even talk to my direct manager about issues I have with a project or just everyday life in confidence. I discovered that my manager has a big mouth, after finding out what I told her, was told to another co-worker, who has no business knowing and has nothing to do with my team. I do not trust anyone where I work anymore. I am just buying time to find a new job and leave. It really hurts because I left the company, only to come back and to go through this crap, with women.

    When I was looking for projects to have more work, I asked my manager and my request fell on deaf ears. I wanted to work for another project manager but she did not have room for me and I knew that, which was cool with me. I informed my manager that I really wanted to cultivate my skill in the business case analysis type of work, the first project I really enjoyed working . Instead, I build queries, oh fun. I really loathe this work but I am making do with what I have to work. I have even volunteered for proposal work, now who in their right mind would want to volunteer for that…I did. I was still turned down. I realized the reason why I was rehired, my connection to former clients and my ability to acquire information but I stopped providing anything information that is not related to my current project. I refuse to contact my former clients at work. I only talk to them when I am at home away from work. I just pray that I find another job where I do not have to deal with this high school behavior.

  32. Hi
    I have been quietly searching for people who experience this!!! I’ve spoken to many attractive women but I always went off feeling like I’m self centered or ‘concieted’. I have been experiencing this since I’m a little girl! I thought I was ugly and stupid. Some of my teachers treatedme bad. My first real set of friends treated me real bad. I don’t have a friend that I can go out with. Only phone friends. Through my teen and young adult years I always was made to feel guilty like I didn’t have any right to make myself look nice. So I dressed down really bad in order to socialize. Up to this day I am not married. Men play lots of games. People in my family have tried every time to sabotage every relationship I’ve been in. Including making a scene where I am made to look selfish or stupid to setting things up to have
    a family member ‘come on’ to my date.
    Recently I went back to school. I got all A’s except for one female teacher who graded me at a 55% at best for any work I did. And I couldn’t fight it. I decided not to make waves. During that time I was working with a bunch of straight up savages who set it up so I could miss a crucial meeting. Shortly after that a girl started trouble with me. The same bullying! When I called her on it (quietly) SHE literally made a scene!!! I think that the boss was taking her side because he was sleeping with her. I was mobbed by the whole crew because the boss hired me because I was very successful at what I do and his business would profit. He payed me more because I had to travel. I think (know) he was part of it because he was looking for a reason to get rid of me now that he didn’t need me anymore. When you are good and have the nerve to be good looking, women are envious and try to accuse you of wanting thier not so good looking husband. The fact men are attracted to you doesn’t mean that you are attracted to every man but that’s how you are treated. Some say it’s because of the clothes you wear. Well no, I see many many women wearing much more provocative clothes than I do. Those same bullying women try to out dress me in my throw on clothes. And some men are triffling. They tried to use you to make their partner jealous. They try to come on to you and if you don’t respond the way they want they start to harrass
    you. I’ve had to leave situations like that too.

  33. I read all this in tears. I just went through all this in the workplace recently. I just can’t understand WHY people don’t befriend me. I’m a great worker, compassionate, willing to help out, but when we walk to lunch together, no one ever walks with me. I started staying behind to warm up my lunch in the office microwave before heading down. I am embarrassed and hurt.
    When I started the job, I knew some seemed jealous that I caught on so quickly and my boss praised me in front of others. I have gained and am heavier, but still attractive and always dressed more professional than others, but it made me feel better.
    While I feel some coworkers liked me and even envied me, they never really became a “friend”. Coworkers wouldn’t say hello to me and made subtle inuendos at me. I finally could take no more and quit. This experience had made me fear to work anywhere again cause I can never win with these types of people. No one gave me a goodbye card, outing, nothing. I was humiliated.
    Thanks sooo much for everyone sharing. I don’t feel so all alone. Hopefully I will gain some social confidence in the future. I avoid most people now and am beginning to seek counseling.

  34. I dealt with this before both in school and work. The bully women are very vendictive ad practice- the worst is when they start to bring in superiors or try documenting your mistakes- even if they are obviously not yours or trying to set you up -for example I had but a set out on the floor weeks ago along with the aid of another women. this women was completely uncooperative and the second she was paird with em she took the paperwork, wouldnt let me see it, started the project, and refused to communicate with me. I made numeorus attempts but she refused and literaly wouldn’t talk to me. I had never even meet her before. the next minute she is in the stock room tlaking about me, complaining that i am not doing anything and am incoopertive. She starts moving things around and organizing bottom shelves. I go in today and we have gotten a great deal of stock. Some girl is complaining about the bottom stock being disorganized and that its all wrong.. implying it was my mistake even though i was not even here when they did the understock which takes place in the morning and i had never even been on the floor because i hadnt eben guiven any hours which i think is also intentional- - there is no logic to their assertions…they become calous and rude, not even saying hello or acknowleging me. it goes on and on… all of sudden im at fault for the fact that some girl shows up late for her interview- i simply delivered the message that this girl was arrived…then im at fault for keeping myself busy …. i have been there before and see allt he signs- i just started and i can tell already who the lead bully is she- these women ususly lack talent, self-esteem, or work ethic- they spend most of their time in the back office or pretending they are smart- by taking credit for the work u did…they get pissed off when u show up early, make sales, do everything right,,..then pin point things u do wrong that are mintue or that aren’t even wrong…they call on friend managers to join in or inferiors who are older….they talk to u like ur an idiot because they want u to be an idiot because realy what theya re is afraid of u…..their insecurities are dangerous and pathological but the social psychology ebcomes reoulsive–particularly when it involves mobbing and falsified evidence—-i had a co-manger like this who was so angry at me for being promoted and making more than her earlier than her that she actuly checked someone out under my name and did it incorrectly and then told our boss on me… of course she denied it …. another manager refused to felt me do my job, she told me not do any ordering and tehn order herself, when the manager asked me why i had done all of the ordering half hazard i was flabergasted because I never touched the scanner….as per my supervisors demands… can become so disgusitng that people will make choices to hurt other people even if it is in the worst interest of the company and thus their own success

    dont ever work for ACMORE, BATH &BODY WORKS, OR JCPENNY

  35. I agree with Alexia on April 14th. There was a job I thought the same thing about my female coworkers, but in the end I found out that they did not like me nor my attitude. After ending up losing that job, I took a long look at myself and realized that the successes I had my self esteem came from my job, I am so transparent and out and out must of been a very hard woman to work with…I deserved to lose that job because of the way I was acting toward my coworkers.

    Hope you have better luck with your female coworkers.

  36. I ran across this…. this just HAPPENED to me tonight, I work for a bank, this new supervisor we have had for a month, shows obvious signs that she does not like me. Other coworkers are noticing….I just was pulled in the office tonight, saying I was, “insubordinate” I said I was just getting the customers helped, I was not trying to be :insubordinate” well this sup tattles on me every chance she gets, kinda sucks feels like I can be my full self.. and the jealousy, yeah its there… Her husband goes as far as coming into the bank then will let me know wht is wrong with the house (they live close) or i parked to close to the stop sign ANNOYING!!!! I dont start any drama, I go to work I keep to myself…..ugh then in the office they are going to say how they knw I am stressed from my husband bein deployed….lol if they really cared and were concerned they would have called, they know my number….. I went to the bathrooma nd broke down cryin….I was just fed up and tired, No one will say anythin nice if i did my hair etc… but everyone else…oh you shirt is cute!!! blah…lol, and yes I have lost a lot of weight, so I have not worn cute things at all in my life I am 27, and now able to wear them, and people think I am a snot, but that is what they assume about me, they really dont know me…..

  37. I am going through the same thing you guys are going through, when I complained about these unnactractive, lazy, jealous, insecure women (but I did so professionally), to HR they directed my boss to make a case for poor performance (after years of excellent performance reviews) and have me fired from the company. After the fabricated poor performance review (harrassment is a liability to the corporation and it’s easier to just fire the victim to eliminate the risk), I had no choice but to go on sick leave to protect my work history (for stress and anxiety) while I search for another job. Find another job, even if you get a cut in pay, it’s worth it for your mental health and stress levels. I believe that God is handling your harrassers in other ways. You must love your enemies, they can’t help their ugly, lazy, stupid, insecure selves and they are god’s creatures. It’s not P.C. to call them these things, but that is what they are if they are harrassing you for doing a great job. In my case it led to stalking by these women outside of work, they were so desperate to find something to break me. They downloaded software to my cell phone so they could listen to me outside of work. When my mother (who is extraordinarily beautiful,materiallistic and spoiled would ask me to go shopping and I would say no, my suits are fine), they would spread rumors that I can’t afford new clothes. Me, the person who spends $10,000 cash in shopping spree on 40 business suits and doesn’t purchase another suit for 3 years because I don’t have the time because of work and family. When my sister came to visit and I took my son out of daycare while she was there, they spread rumors that I can’t afford daycare (and they only knew she was in town because they were listening to my personal conversations). I also make 3 times what most of these lazy women make and work twice as many hours. I have also dressed 10 times as well as these women from day one and was complemented daily by the non jealous people at the beginning until they started their rumor spreading campaign. All of the jealous women have never worn a business suit to work. It’s petty and illegal. And once you’re gone, they’ll look at the next talented pretty face to harrass. Make sure you pay for long term disability and see a psychiatrist to document the stress you are experiencing. In a new environment, learn to avoid women, complement them, and don’t bring any attention to yourself. Don’t dress frumpily to deflect attention from yourself, but play down your successes in front of groups. God will take care of your enemies if you are God fearing and he will bless you as he’s already blessed you with your talent, looks, positive outlook, which is why they persecute you, just like Christ, in the first place.

  38. OH MY WORD!! I stumbled across all of this information talking about the very same thing I have been dealing with: immature, jealous, insecure, female-competitive, coworkers.Boy, if I did not have the Lord in my life, I dont know what I would do right now. This sure does test your character, maturity level, and faith. All of which we need to threw a situation like this/these!

    I so sorry to hear all of you other folks are dealing with this kind of behaviour, but on the same token, its nice to know I am not ALONE! And these types of coworkers do their best to create the circumstances to target you to feel like you are alone. Kind of like a couple of you have mentioned. The shunning, the ignoring, and the cold glary looks or stares. I mean really, what kind of person acts that way? I think another trait that goes along well with the previously mentioned, most of them are over the edge CONTROLLING!!!

    Thanks to each and every one of you for sharing your stories. They have been very helpful. Kind of makes you wonder, if you see a female/woman by herself a lot at work or eating lunch alone alot etc, she is probably one of the good hard-honest working gals trying to regroup from the mornings “head games ploy.” OH and these types of gals most all of the time, have that “pack mentality.”

    So, we walk with our head and confidence level high, just knowning we have that much power over another individual. If someone is purposely trying to knock us down, or make us look bad, we know we have gotten to them!!!!

    Thanks to you all and God be with you all. Gods favor on all of us hard-working, non-office political playing, honest gals and guys!

  39. I am glad I found this site. I am still dealing with leaving my job after being humiliated by psychopaths at my former place of employment. It started with an uneducated thief supervisor, then a coworker whom I tried to befriend. I did not understand that I was hated because I was smart, friendly, dressed well, had good manners, was professional and was a hard worker. In a normal world, wouldn’t all of those things generally be acceptable? Not here. Don’t bother trying to explain to family and friends because they will just label you as weak. I now live in this world virtually alone because those people stole my life. I never want to work in an office again. I don’t even want to talk to females anymore. My only saving grace is that I know that God will and has dealt with my enemies. Let’s all push to try to expose this nasty behavior and make sure laws are passed to protect women who simply want to earn a living, without threats, fear and intimidation.

  40. Hi Everyone,
    I am so glad that I have came across this website. I am a keen, proactive part-time employee at an educational establishment. I have a female supervisor, who is perfectly friendly and pleasant when you first meet her. My first mistake was that to think that she was actually that friendly and supportive person. No. She wasn’t. The trouble with her is, she puts up this smiley face to everyone, especially to the upper management. She is always seems to be sweet and saying ‘yes’ to everything and to everyone. However, that’s the only one of many outer layers of her. She works at an educational establishment, a research intensive environment where people question, reflect and develop. Ironically, she has zero research interest but she resents people who have that research mentality. Unfortunately, I happen to be doing my research degree and naturally I am trained to have a research mentality and I ask questions. And I am younger than her, only 4 years but she seems to think it is a big gap. She is like this obsessive witch who can not see me or anyone else to be doing better than her in some way. ‘Doing better than her’ means can be as random as if I went out for a drink with my friends, she will not rest until she finds out whether I had a good time or not. Me, having a good time makes her feel so bad and her praying gets even more intense. We have a small office and she sits right behind me where she can see my computer screen. I know she stares at my screen to see if I am doing something personal. I know exactly what is she up to. Well, I don’t cry over this because I know the world is not perfect and evil people do exist and there is no point trying to understand why they are being mean to you. I tackle with her different ways. I would never be confrontational with her but I am very direct. She is somewhat passive and get intimidated by my proactive approach. Recently, she has started to bad mouth about me with my colleagues and I intervened proactively and said that I trust her fully with confidence. But I followed up with saying, it is ok if she talked about me with others but I reminded her she can speak to me directly instead of going around. Magically, she has confessed that she has spoken about me with my colleague after my flattering speech. Yes, she does bother me but I will not let anyone to unfairly harass me when I know I am not at fault. If I loose a job over this fine but I will fight for my rights until the end. However, I am not naive enough to spend an unnecessary energy on one low-life, so I always look for better chances around. It is hard tough. It is unfair but life is unfair. We need to start fighting back in a strategic and intellegent way. As long as you know you are doing a good job and keep a friendly contact with upper management and concentrate less on your enemy. Don’t forget to see the fun side of this game. Always look good, do a good job, have a couple of good friends and enjoy the ride. The truth is, you are learning something from this experience, the way to deal with your next evil witch. She will be more vicious, more strong and experienced to give a grief to others. The other option for all these capable women who left comments here is, to have your own business, be your own boss. So you don’t have to spend a min thinking about couple of witches who are loosers. I wish you the best of success in defeating workplace witches and please do not spare an ounce of tear over them.

  41. I am so glad to find other people who share my experience. Sam, your post was an awesome summary.

    I do work for myself now as a contractor but it is a long term, weekly thing so I have to deal more closely with the bitches than I prefer to. At this small org. we have a great woman boss who hates to deal with conflicts. Then we have Whiney and Psycho, who are check-getters that think they run the place.

    I work off site and at this time I am doing 2 jobs in about 30 hours per week. I can do that because of my experience, productivity level and basic talent. Not bragging, I’ve excelled everywhere. I too believe in being respectful, a team player, building others up, stepping in and filling gaps, helping the organization succeed and flourish. I am about the same age as these women but slim and attractive and often told that I look 30 years younger. The fact that people could hate me for that boggles my mind.

    Just this week, both women refused to give me information I needed to complete a grant application, which is vital to our organization. Then they both, via email, chided me about bothering them, in so many words. During the grant process I actually do things they should do–i.e. develop the scope of work and the budgets. So I ask for very little and I am not going to take TOTAL responsibility for designing the grants and the financial piece. No way. And they copied their subordinates on those nasty emails, which I think is really over the top.

    I went to my boss and she agreed I was right and they were wrong. She wants a meeting to discuss “communication.” All I did was ask for info–politely. Psycho had a swearing meltdown at the office yesterday while I was there. All because of what? I asked her for info. And a co-worker told me that she always targets someone and now it is me and another (man). She tells everyone we don’t do anything. Ha ha.

    I used to get nervous and upset like many posters here, certain that it was up to me to somehow “fix it” But if someone has evil intentions, there is nothing you can do. The problem lies in them. Notice how they cut their friends slack for the same things that they use to crucify you.

    This time I got angry, a righteous anger, and I pushed back. I let them know that I have completed my part and am happy to pass it on for someone else to complete. I have also told my boss that I am happy for Psycho to take over all the financial piece on grants since she should be doing that anyway. I did that part when I was CFO in another organization. I am drawing my line in the sand. During any meetings I will make my requirements clear. If they want requests made standing on my head on alternate Tuesdays I will do that (ha ha) but on the other hand, if I don’t get the info, I will be passing the work back to my boss to deal with. I don’t need this crap when I didn’t do anything.

    Anyway, long story short, I have faced this before. It’s always women, usually unattractive in both personality and looks, who despise me when I honestly do nothing to deserve it. I go into a job with good intentions and neutral toward everyone. I get along with everyone else external. It is not me. My husband says it’s jealousy but I never think about myself as someone people would be jealous of.

  42. Your story Angela (10-8-2010) breaks my heart. I can relate to how you feel. Please do not give up. You should consider freelance work or going into business for yourself. Here is my story: I am 45 yrs old left a job after 18 years with the same organization because I could not take the backstabbing and office politics/gossip any more. I went back to school got a masters degree and a friend helped me get a job in education at a community college. Little did I know that the friend would turn out to be my biggest enemy. She immediately told me that she wanted to keep our friendship a secret, then she began treating me like I was her secretary (our jobs are different, but equal). In addition, she wanted me to join forces with her to report another coworker, who was the secretary, to our supervisor (male). I would not do it simply because I was new and did not know the players and I do not play those games.
    We had a disagreement over work that she wanted me to do, she joined forces with the secretary (the one she was backstabbing) and they started playing games. There are other females in the office, they are even worse. My first year there was hell, one in particular would not speak to me at all, from the first week I started. They gang up on one person and go to the supervisor with unfounded, stupid complaints. Before I started the secretary was the target. I now understand what the secretary went through, but she is just as bad with her lies and deceit. I think she feels she has to be this way to survive.
    The culture is vile and corrupt. We really have nothing to be angry about, we have the best jobs ever! Some of us are part-time, which explains some of the behavior as people attempt to elevate themselves and cut others down. I love what I do and the students I work with, but I feel like I am on “THE VIEW” with 5 cats in a box. The environment is dehumanizing and I am concerned eventually I be like them. I am already starting to get bitter. What is even worse is that I left a job and went back to school because of the “office politics and bullying” and here I am right back in the same environment.
    My husband has listened to me for years, almost daily, he says its me and I dont know how to get along with women. We always end up in arguments about it. The arguments have put a strain on our marriage. What a shame after 25 years of marriage I really think this will be the year it end, but honestly I cant take living with some one who does not support me and criticizes me. I am working on my 2nd masters, hoping to get a better job, after only having worked there 3 years. I feel like no matter where I go I will be subjected to the same behavior and problems. I have obsessed over having my own business and I am hopeful that is something I can do in the future, but I really dont know how to get started, something I need to work on. Thank you to all who shared your stories, it has made me realize I am not alone, I am not crazy and my husband is wrong for not supporting me and for accusing me of being the problem.

  43. Update:
    Our boss had the four senior people: me, Whiney, Psycho and a guy, meet to talk about “communication. Instead the meeting turned into a bash fest where this woman refused to work with me. She deliberately did a federal report wrong to punish me for being unavailable — I had tried to do it all before I was unavoidably out but rather than call me (God forbid) to clarify one number, she did it wrong then dumped it on me to fix it. My boss and the guy, when we talked about this “meeting,” said that it’s her and she has serious issues. All well and good but that doesn’t excuse her verbal abuse. I am definitely going to be gone as soon as possible, although my boss kept saying how valuable I am. I do a blend of three jobs that would be impossible to replicate.
    Lesson learned: while working for yourself, keep an arm’s length relationship instead of being treated like a quasi-employee. I wouldn’t even be in this situation except the recession has made me grateful to get anything, especially steady work.

  44. what a relief to know that i am not the only one experiencing this kind of s_it_y behavior at work from other women. there is one in particular who started working at this place like 4 months ago. i have been there 3 yrs. my boss let me move downstairs near where her office is & i believe she is jealous because it’s that much less attention she gets. (not that i am ashwarya rai) but she hasn’t said hello ONCE since i moved down there. & on top of that, she no longer speaks to my friend who sits next to me down there (but she did prior to my moving there). it seems really crazy….but when females are jealous…their behavior doesn’t make sense. there’s another one who is a MAJOR SNAKE. she acts really sugary sweet but will take any chance she can get to talk s_it about me (or any other attractive female she feels threatened by). it really pisses me off because she acts like she runs the place & i honestly think my boss cannot see through her. he’s a very smart man but every time she runs to him with a complaint, he will say something to whomever she complained about. i just ignore these b_t_hes…they must be pretty miserable to act like that & be that insecure. as someone mentioned on a post, i, too, have low self-esteem. i am NOT bragging but several people throughout my life have told me they don’t understand why i have low self-esteem. i have gotten counseling & pray all the time. i really believe all of this crap is spiritual warfare…i can just FEEL it….the evil stares, etc., etc. & many of you are right, if you go to the boss or HR, you are seen as a troublemaker or someone who has mental problems. trust me…i know this for a fact. several years ago i was the victim of bullying by a total jerk (male) who was the ringleader & women who reported to him. he was jealous because i had a great rapport with our boss. when i reported the issue to HR, all of a sudden, the finger was pointed at me; i felt like i was the victim of a witchhunt the way the HR lady treated me. when you have low self-esteem, it hurts when these bitches are rude, ignore you, gossip about you, etc. they probably don’t know that i have self-esteem issues…not like they would care. anyway, i just stay prayed up & as much as i hate to do it, i pray for them. it really does work. i have seen that God will do something out of the ordinary to where they are demoted (by someone else being hired to do their same job while they still work there) & other unexpected things. there was one person (i call her girl because she is in her late 20’s; i’m in my mid 40’s.) this witch would have a buddy sitting near her all the time chatting & then laugh or whisper when i walked by. she also talked crap about me as soon as i turned my back. guess what…she finally left the company. i really believe they get tired of their own ****!

  45. Keep up your work ethic and your boss will notice. Do not fall into their trap. They want you to report them and then it turns into a mobb against your word. Human resources will see it as an easier task to get rid of one person =you than several mobsters! The only way to keep the job is to continue to do the quality work you do at your job. If they see you sweat they like it. Do not sweat—or if you do take a break and wipe your face clean. If you do not play their game and report them then they will have to find someone else to annoy. Look at it as a tournament—-out last them. People who do this need a reaction from you for their plan to work—don’t give them that reaction.

  46. Interesting, Elizabeth, you mention spiritual warfare. Oddly, I felt compassion for Psycho and before all this blew up, had been praying for her back to be healed. Her face at one point, while she cursed at me, looked demonic.

    Speaking about low self esteem, I think humble people can take it too far. I always did this when younger, and anyone criticizing me would push buttons set in place by my critical father. Now I am over that. During this event, I was merely angry (and hurt too) but I know that I did NOTHING wrong and am innocent. I have finally learned that abuse is about the abuser, not the target. Have self respect and integrity and hold your head up. No one is perfect, admit your faults readily and seek to correct them. Bashing on minor issues is just an abuser’s tool–notice that their own and buddy’s mistakes are readily overlooked. It’s a game.

    I am waiting to see what God does in this situation. I have the sense something will.

  47. liz - i don’t think it’s a coincidence that you had been praying for that person before all that blew up. the enemy wants to discourage us….he gets ANGRY when we follow God & pray for others - ESPECIALLY when they are treating us badly. you are so right when you say abuse is about the abuser & not about you or me. sometimes it’s hard to see when you (or i) am in the midst of so much anger about the situation, but if you’ll notice, these bullies treat another (or others) the same way. it’s a relief for me to know that it’s not me - it’s totally about them. & you’re right….it IS like a tournament. if you are in a baseball game, standing at home plate with your bat….& the pitcher continues to throw balls at you, eventually (she) will stop for lack of your swinging at them. i just thought of this & i think i will take my own advice! LOL no, seriously, this is a major issue that can & is very hurtful to those of us on the receiving end. the other thing i have noticed that works is…..(& i’m not saying be a doormat or a sucker)….kill them with kindness. how can they complain about you to the boss when you are kind to them?! if anything, it will frustrate the hell out of them. the Word says when you are kind to your enemy, it is like pouring hot coals on their head. (i can’t help but admit that i like that mental picture….LOL!) if/when i go for her/their rotten bait & act awful back to them, then i have to worry about them twisting the situation to make it look like i’m the instigator. when you return their ill will with kindness, it puts the issue at a dead end - maybe not immediately….but eventually. thank you for sharing. all of you help encourage me in this situation. i know that when you already have a critical voice in your head & low self-esteem, it doesn’t take much to start feeling like crap when others act like crap. hang in there, ladies! liz, i believe that God will act in your situation (like he recently did in mine). take care & please don’t let this stuff kill your joy. don’t let them steal the smile from your face & your heart….that’s what they want….for you to be worried, confused, etc., etc.

  48. Thanks for your kind comments. I will write back with an update when something happens!

  49. thanks, liz…i want to thank God in advance for the victory He will give you as He works behinds in your favor. have a blessed & joyful week.

  50. oops…i meant to say “as He works behind the scenes” - NOT works behinds!!!

  51. ladies, i feel guilty because i totally ignored 3 women in my office who are HUGE backstabbers/snakes. many, many times, when i have come into the office & said hi to them, they have just looked at me like i’m stupid or grunted something, frowned & looked away. i like to get along (i think most of us do), but one in particular is kind of the ringleader. she REALLY pisses me off because she acts really sugary sweet to the boss & talks about her kids around him, etc. but i swear i think she has a crush on him because the other day he came over & flirted with me, she shot me daggers with her eyes. if he shows (a female) any kind of special attention, she acts like a bitch. she’s always saying things to make it sound like she works her ass off when in reality she spends most of her time gossiping & playing on the computer & phone (or at least much of the time). after i sat down at my desk, i felt bad for ignoring them because i do think it’s rude when people don’t speak when they come in. but i have been nice & spoken so many times. now i don’t even want to try. i could see out of the corner of my eye that they were looking right at me as if waiting for me to say hi so they could ignore me! i just looked straight ahead & acted like they weren’t there. after i walked by, i heard one of those witches cackle. when i got home & looked at tomorrow’s daily Scripture, it said to love & pray for your enemies. i know i need to do that but i feel like an idiot & a sucker when i’m nice to someone who i know has stabbed me in the back & will every chance she gets. to me it’s like being phony for me to be nice to her. i agree with a lot of what deja said several comments before. i want to treat people well & grow spiritually but i don’t think Jesus wants us to be doormats, either. i’m so glad to have this place to vent about this. i hate that we’re experiencing it but i do appreciate the support & comments. take care, everyone.

  52. Thanks ladies for all your comments. I’ve been experiencing this too, people snubbing you and not speaking to you is so annoying especially when you go out of your way to be nice. And people finding ways to snitch on you. Thanks again for the support.

  53. Wow this jealousy thing is soooo much like my situation. There is an older lady in our group that tries to act like the cheerleader she once was 30+ years ago. She has bonded with a 31 year old while she is 58 and I have been the target of their mobbing activities—well at least this week. They act like a bunch of sorority girls giggling and whispering and trying to gain the eye of the boss. They do not work—just gossip. They enjoy tearing down other people around the unit and even make up junk—mountains out of mole hills about people. They spend so much time doing this I am astonished they still have a job. I just work and work and email the boss about the results of my work—-so as not to cause the jealousy bug to come out in them. I keep getting great reviews from my bosses who must recognize that these two women are goofing off all the time while I keep my nose to the grind stone and out of other peoples lives. Why would anyone want to spread nasty gossip about those around them that work unless…..they are jealous of my work ethic. I think if I were not around they would not feel as guilty so they try to get rid of me by whispering and giggling whenever I walk into the room they are in. Eek …I am very tired of them and do not consider them friends but must tolerate it to keep my job. Thanks for letting me vent here!

  54. kay, you are most definitely not alone in your situation. things seem to have gotten somewhat better at my day job, but not things have gotten a little weird at my night job. i work at a psychiatric emergency room where the triage nurse talks to people like they are trash. i believe that EVERY human being is worthy of respect…i don’t care if they have lived on the street for 20 years, are missing all of their teeth, can’t get sober/off drugs…whatever! my position is not exactly high up the totem pole but my supervisor is head of that whole emergency department. my boss recently caught wind of the fact that someone has been having patients “removed” by security if it is decided they are not wanted in the psych ER for whatever reason. my supervisor asked me (indirectly) if it was me having people removed & i told her the truth…that it’s the triage nurse. NOW the protocal is clarified to where CIRT (specially trained police paired with psychiatric staff) is called if a patient “escalates”. the triage nurse & some others aren’t too happy about this. as part of my job, i give out lots of resource information & so make a lot of copies. many of them are collated & stapled. strangely, the staples that go inside the copier that do the automatic stapling - have not been installed in over a week now. AND the stapler that’s usually right there by the copier has been gone. (i found it put away in a file cabinet; i use it to staple all these copies & return it at the end of the night. it’s ok, just takes a little longer than when the copier does it.) is this petty OR WHAT???!!! the friend of this triage nurse who sits (works) at the front intake desk when you walk into the lobby - is not at her desk when i arrive & walk by her desk. this, too, has gone on for several days. however, when she sees or talks to me, she is phony “nice.” also, at least 2-3 evenings out of the week when i clock in at the staff station, there is usually food left over from lunch being brought in earlier in the day. for the past several days there has been no food. yesterday, however, i noticed there were sauces from a particular seafood restaurant in the kitchen, meaning there was food but someone hid it or something. i don’t mean to sound paranoid & i want to say this place does not owe me dinner (or any meal for that matter). it’s just that when something is the norm for well over a year & then suddenly changes, it’s weird. i don’t know why i’m complaining, actually, because i’m trying to lose weight & it actually helps me that there is no food available there! unfortunately, i made the mistake of sharing with a nurse who works upstairs that, like her, i have food issues. like….i LOVE to eat and eat a LOT of whatever it is i am eating. (i have not made a pig of myself at work, but i have certainly eaten when food is available.) these are stupid bull**** things that i probably shouldn’t get upset about. but i think what it boils down to is….these women are PISSED because they can’t pull their bullying tactics anymore toward those in serious need of psychiatric help. they have actually let people sit in the waiting room for 7-8 hours, only for that triage nurse to tell the person they are basically full of **** & need to leave the building. when they disagree, she has called security & had them removed. i know i am blessed to have this job…both jobs actually. but i hate this petty, underhanded, assinine behavior. i would almost rather for one of them to just come up to me & tell me they don’t like me or think i’m a bitch or whatever. anyway, it’s a relief to be able to get this off my chest here, ladies.

  55. Glad the venting helps you too! I think the hiding of food from you is very mean and moving staplers how childish is that!
    Jealous women need to grow up. People that are in psychiatric need our help and were not dealt a great hand in life—-I am glad you are in nursing you seem to geniunely care about others and that is exactly why the others are probably jealous of you. You seem to do what is correct because you truly care about others—-I think your troublemaker nurses are not happy at their job and it does show.Keep up your strong ethics and continue your overwhelming desire to help others in need. Your a star.

  56. kay, thank you so much for your kind & encouraging words! i really needed to hear them! i want to get along with my coworkers but at the same time feel a responsibility to honestly help the people who come in who are in crisis. i know i’m a grown woman & need to get over it, but it does hurt my feelings that they act this way. i’m not whining here, but hey, we are all human & we all have feelings, right? (i wish it DIDN’T hurt my feelings, though.) thanks again, kay, for your support; i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t vent here. going to the gym goes only so far, you know? take care, ladies.

  57. It is comforting to see that other women are dealing with the same things, even though I know many of us are in a lot of emotional pain and exhausting mental struggle trying to analyze and answer the question “why?” every single day. When I come home and complain about similar tactics as those mentioned in other posts that I experience daily at work (and have also experienced painfully with former female high school and college classmates), my relatives tell me that I am paranoid, crazy and making up stories, and that I need to stop dwelling on negative things that aren’t real, and learn to focus on the positive. They even suggested I go to see a psychologist. It is very frustrating when I know that I am not crazy, that I am smart (due to increasing responsibilities at work and feedback from customers), and when day after day I have to experience drudgery of my own teammates trying to make me quit, cry, feel bad all because they are so insecure. It’s especially sad when some of the perpetrators are mothers and grandmothers… what are they teaching their own children? What is especially sad is that they are holding themselves back–by focusing on trying to tear other people down instead of trying to improve their own selves by learning, growing and improving their own strengths and weaknesses. I don’t have an answer, just a deep understanding of what all the women above have mentioned. Competition in theory is supposed to inspire every person to better themselves, not to be vindictive and try to tear others down.

  58. If you document all your evidence, you can seek a lawyer and sue them for what is called, a “Hostile work environment.” It is against labor laws to be subjected to this kind of harassment and work environment. It is an infringement of your human rights also. Hit it where it counts..their bank account. That is exactly what they are trying to do to you. Good luck!

  59. What if the behavior is subtle? such as isolating coworkers and gossiping about them, being left out of meetings, made to feel inferior or stupid. In other words, you know that something is going on, but you cant prove it and you can not get anyone to verify anything. I read a book “Wanderwomen”, which touches on glass ceilings and other issues and walls that women encounter. One suggestion, which really makes sense, is that others’ behaviors only affects you if you allow it too, and to the extent you allow it. Women need to take control over how they respond to situations. This has helped me, I just act like I dont care and continue to be happy. Though, I must admit some things do bother me, like when I enter a room and they are all eating together, they never bother to ask me if I would like to join them. However, the other side of this is, I dont think I want to keep company with women who are nefarious, deceptive and manipulative. What is really troublesome is that they have gone to people in other departments and said things. I know because I am treated differently by these people. You cant possibly go after all these people, how do you stop it?

  60. michelle - i recently read that the subtle behavior you describe is the way that women bully other women. in other words, these stupid mind games & passive-aggressive behavior like all of them eating lunch together & leaving you out. there is a woman at my day job who acts really sugary sweet & innocent in front of the boss. she has dropped me & others in the grease so many times it’s ridiculous. it’s become clear that other than her husband & kids, she has no life. her only “life” is at the office. she has stirred up SO MUCH CHAOS & played games that frustrate beyond belief. for example, my co-worker asked her to order her another box of business cards for a mailout she was doing. the cards should have arrived by the following week (but didn’t). when my co-worker asked that woman about the status of the order, she told her the office manager hadn’t approved it yet. making it look like the office manager was the one at fault when in reality, she had not even turned the order into him for approval! this kind of crap is so ridiculous. again, this is subtle & passive-aggressive. she’s being a total as_hole by something she is NOT doing. and if someone says something about this to the powers that be, he or she sounds like they are crazy or making a mountain out of a molehill. now i totally ignore her; i will say hi if she looks at me, etc. but i don’t go out of my way to be nice because i know she backstabs every chance she gets. even thinking about her aggravates me! ok, she should be leaving the office at her usual time (2:30pm) which means i’m getting ready to go into the office. (i don’t let her keep me from going there; it’s just so much more pleasant when she’s not around!) hang in there, michelle & everyone else who deals with the insane behavior of jealous and/or bully women co-workers.

  61. A coworker approached my boss stating that her employees perceived me to be too busy to help them (preventing them from doing their work) and stated that I was frustrated with the changes going on in the office because I use to perform the functions now being performed by her dept. Perceptions and assumptions… There is no validity in this claim. I stated I cannot help what others perceive nor can I help what assumptions they might have of me. She would not disclose any details nor would she disclose who made these allegations or complaints about me, but felt it warranted a comment to me.

    Truth is I’m a FTE (full time employee) and apparently someone wants that position for a friend or colleague. This is my perception since most of the new hires all worked for and/or with the same entity in which she previously worked.

    Ah, it’s too obvious!

  62. bobbing - i’m sorry you are experiencing this…i know what a nightmare that can be. i once worked for a large mortgage company where the senior vp (& others) agreed to hire me. of course, no one bothered to tell me that my predecessor had been having an affair with my main boss/the senior vp. the company didn’t know what to do with her….i’m sure they were afraid to just fire her. so they sent her down the hallway to another position. several times a day she would walk by the double glass doors to our section of the office & glare at me as if she were trying to intimidate me. it was very, very weird!!! she started visiting my boss several times a day & i gathered she was trying to get her job back. the other executive assistant also gave me the evil eye all day long. this woman sat maybe 8 feet behind me & grimaced at me every time i looked that way. or if i had a question, she would mumble as if she didn’t want to be bothered or answer me. thank God my insurance went into effect immediately there because i got into therapy right away. i absolutely didn’t know what to do & being a single parent, i REALLY needed to hang onto that job. yet i didn’t want to piss off my predecessor because it was obvious she & my boss still had feelings for each other. the therapist guided me to speak w/my boss & tell him i did not want that woman visiting him every day….& to tell him he hired me for that job & it made me uncomfortable for her to keep coming over. i’m sure she nor her buddy who sat behind me didn’t appreciate it. i wish i had some advice for you. i thought maybe you could be direct w/your boss & tell her exactly what you think….but that may not be such a good idea. these situations are so unpleasant; females especially can be tricky to deal with (bosses more so). what has worked for me in the past when something is really on my mind & i needed to tell the person before i lost it….is telling them exactly what was on my mind but in a very sweet (not “doormat” manner) way, seeming kind of perplexed. if you do this w/your female boss, chances are she will feel guilty if she is the one trying to put someone in your position, or if someone else is trying to put their friend in your job. a person cannot get mad at you if you speak to them in a sincerely kind & questioning way. this has worked for me in the past; i am praying for you in this situation. since you posted your comment, i will go ahead & get something off my chest. the (male gay) office manager absolutely cannot stand me & i really believe it’s because he has a crush on/and/or is in love with our boss. my boss likes me & this person knows this; it seems to drive him crazy & i know no other reason except that he likes the boss himself. that & he’s a total control freak. he doesn’t really mess with me directly but yesterday he got REALLY SHI_ _ Y with my close friend who sits next to me. she has had an arrangement from day one with our boss that the company reimburses her the postage she buys when she does large mailouts. yesterday this “queen” literally threw the check at her when she asked for it & told her that was the last one she was going to get. when she told our boss what happened, he assured her that the arrangement was still in place. unfortunately, he made a lame excuse for this queen for his awful behavior. several months ago this miserable human being did something else to my friend & then literally confessed to me that he treated her that way because he knew we were friends!!! how crazy is that!!! as a Christian, i should have forgiven him but i told our boss (who was out of town at the time) exactly what the queen told me. needless to say, he has been my enemy ever since. (isn’t that strange that he would tell on himself like that?! it really threw me for a loop….i certainly didn’t expect it & then got angry when he told me the truth.) i believe the man is an alcoholic because his behavior screams it. i also suggest you pray about your situation….obviously i’m not a saint but i still pray. take care.

  63. how strange that i (tried) to give what i thought was sage advice about dealing with office backstabbers, namely ones the boss won’t identify - just one day before i had a similar situation blow up at my day job. my boss comes downstairs & says he needs to talk to me & my-coworker & friend (jane). while looking at jane the entire time, he basically called us out on things we said to each other & that she said to her husband in a private phone conversation. i was completely shocked hearing this because i knew EXACTLY who the snitch was (is). i cannot believe that a grown (albeit immature) 30 something year old woman runs to the boss like a big baby & reports to him anything negative she hears about any of his staff. actually, i am still floored as i type this. thing is, from the moment the boss put my desk downstairs recently, i heard her tell someone that she didn’t want me down there. another backstabbing witch (openly) said the area in which my friend & i sat was supposed to be used for a different kind of work area. HELLO???!!! why & how do these office staff people think they run the company?! and i know more than 100% that both of these witches engage in gossip for more than half their workday, sharing private info. with other people in our office besides the boss!!! i know i need to get over it…i’m thinking they are threatened…what else could it be? i also think re: the first one i mentioned, she was getting more attention from men before i moved downstairs. (i am not bragging.) i really think it boils down to these two things. and do you know that after i spoke with our boss at the end of the day this happened, when i came downstairs to my desk & passed her in the hall, she had the GALL to smile at me???!!! is she EVIL OR WHAT???!!! this wench has serious mental problems. it’s a good thing i’m not interested in going to jail; i was about to transform into a serious redneck and kick her ass right there on the spot. & if i did, she wouldn’t be able to open that nasty mouth for months. ok, i’ve vented but i’m still pissed off. not that it matters, did i mention she wears jeans/pants literally 2-3 sizes too small? not that i look, but you can’t really help but see when she’s walking toward you….her pants are so tight, they actually go up into her crotch. it’s really gross & trashy!!!! she dresses like a hooker, seriously. guys (i mean ladies), i am so angry i don’t know what to do. you would never know it, but i am (trying) to be a Christian & know that i must forgive these people, pray for & be nice to them.

  64. Hmm, reading this has taught me that I need to let my problem go. Sure, I am being unfairly treated. My coworker sucks. Just going to ignore her, completely. She has great hair, will always keep that in mind when I talk to her.

  65. Why do we qualify our worth in beauty, or attention from men? Perhaps they are right to not respect us.

  66. Update — since the meeting where Psycho cursed me out, my (wimpy spineless) boss has given her and Whiney 10% raises while giving everyone else 5%.

    These women are check-getters and do not add value to the organization. I feel so slighted and angry–I am the one boss calls for strategic insight, encouragement and guidance, due to my experience.

    I am looking for other contracts. I can’t afford to resign right now, unfortunately, but I am not giving one inch more than I am paid for. And it is a struggle because my nature is to give 110% all the time and to be committed to the success of organizations I work with/for.
    In this case, how can she be successful with 2 women like this at the heart? They don’t have the ability, interest or inclination to see the organization excel.

  67. And PS, any thoughts why she would do this–cave to their raise demands while slighting me and the man supposedly on her ’senior team’? Psycho would have been fired many places for her abuse, not given a raise.

    Is my boss abusive too? There have a been a couple times when she’s seemed jealous/competitive with me and wanted to “put me in my place.” One was a board meeting where everyone praised me for a $700,000 grant that I got (wrote it in 2 days). On the way home, she said to me that it was just because we had a relationship with the agency. If so, I’d never seen any evidence of that. We’d never been awarded dime one from them. And I killed myself to write that thing–had to dream up the program too, with no help. God, how I’d love to unload on her but I’ll probably just leave with a nod and smile and watch from a distance as her organizations crumbles.

  68. I have experienced everything the first woman commented about. The last two office jobs were horrible for me. Women are horrible jealous creatures. I finally found out from this and other posts that it is because of jealousy!! I really didn’t think my large ahem and being attractive would make them mean and sabotage my work. I am so done with being nice to these women and trying to defend myself. I am headed in to a new job with about 10 men and 2 women so I’m sure the men will be nice. It’s not in my nature to be snobby or mean but I just might lower myself to these new women if they’re mean to me! Too old to deal with school children again!!



  69. God led me to this site. I thought something was wrong with me, and I tried so hard to figure out how I can stop those ladies from hating me . I cried when I read all the comments because now I know that im not alone, and Im not doing anything wrong. God knows what your going through, and he will give you the strength to bear the pain. I was sad all day thinking about the way that im treated at work, and now I feel uplifted and so confident. When I go to work on Monday I will think of all of you, and I will also say a prayer for you. I love you all, and hang in there.

  70. Jan,
    God led us to find each other. I am not perfect, and do not proclaim to be but here are more examples of uncivil behavior. If I speak up at meetings, my coworkers are making comments about people that think they know it all, and people who use victim language. I truly believe those comments are directed at me. Also, we celebrate certain birthdays and deaths of loved ones. My birthday is usually when we are on a break from school. This year however, my birthday fell on the day of the Christmas party. Not one person wished me a happy birthday, not only that, I clearly made some of them feel uncomfortable by showing up at the Christmas party, which I have never done in the 3 yrs I have been there. They have held the Christmas party at the same person’s house, she would not even speak to me for the first 6 months I started working. After that she was nasty when she did, which is why I would not go to her house. I will never understand why women are like this. I love my job and working with students, but I dread working with the 5 women in my department. I have been looking for other jobs and even applied out of state. I am in my mid forties, I am so sick of changing jobs because of vicious women. This would be the 3rd time I have changed jobs because of coworkers. I do not know how to be me, I am awkward and impulsive when I get nervous; they have a way of making me nervous. Do I change jobs, do I participate in their celebrations. My gut tells me NO for both questions. I pray we find peace. God bless you.

  71. We need to take care of this some how .I have worked with this for 14 years.We just down sized do to the economy and she is still there and has a partner to follow her and help her sabbatage all the rest of us.I am at home sick today from the stress.They need to grow up and work with us,but they get jealouse or angry when we train people.The sabbatagers work so well that they make you look nuts.they are sneaky little bitches and have years of experience.I realy don’t know what to do.I can’t just quit, this is all i know and get paid well for what i do.Im a single mom with 4 kids with a house payment.I have done the be nice to them that works for a little while but they jump right back to where they can not trust them never trust them don’t tell them anything about you, just go about you business.SHE is the lead person now, but I only talk to her when I have to.I don’t feed in to there energy, but it eats you up inside,and that is where i at today home sick.If I were the boss I would hire 2 more people train them in and get them out.They lose us money and make us look bad with there games .I have gone to HR over and over again and that does not work .we are all in this together and something as to be done before we all die of cancer cuz are work place has evil people.Just stay stronge and watch out for them.If you believe in god say the our father before work everyday.deliver us from evil.amen.That is why i stayed home today.

  72. I hate to say this because its not very nice, but I am actually enjoying some of my coworkers not getting along. They attempt to keep it quiet so that others dont know, but its obvious there are some issues/disagreements between them. I knew it would happen eventually as they all want to be chiefs and not Indians. I will just sit back and marvel in the fact that I am being left alone, for the time being. In addition, I will give them sympathy, but will not agree, nor will I take sides. I am sure that others would agree, its just a shame that they are not getting along.

  73. I left a job last fall because my boss (female) was having an affair with another worker in the same company and because of all the girl crap in my department. I had to start my new job working part-time so that the girls in this office could see if I would fit in. All was great until the girls found out I had 20 years more accounting experience than they did. I was brought into the company as a “ringer”. The books needed help and I promised to straighten them out. I did as I said and I started getting more tasks. I loved each new task and the challenge it brought however, I forgot that these new tasks had to taken away from someone else. After the payroll girl got fired (I did nothing with payroll) and me getting new tasks, I found outh the A/P girl hates me. She went even as far as to tell my boss that she hates me. That she will not tolerate me as her supervisor. I had no idea that she felt that way until our boss sent her an email correcting her on the way she completes a task. She flipped out and begin to say “I guess if your not special than you get picked on or lose your job”. I feel stupid!!! I tried so hard to be friendly to everyone. I like my job and therefor like to work hard. Why should I be sorry because I have a “can-do” attitude and others have a “maybe” attitude. I not sure what to do. My boss wants me to sit down with this co-worker and hash things out. I do not feel I need to do this since she is the one who has a problem with me? I have started looking for a new job. Not sure why I have too. I work so much harder than she does. I feel so foolish.

  74. This is classic. I too have a “can-do” attitude and check-getters resent that. Your boss is handling this in an indirect way that ensures you get the brunt of it. Instead of openly talking to the staff about their need to improve, she/he uses you to show up the others. And then when they react, she/he thinks that “talking it over” will help. No it won’t because the problem is that the A/P girl feels threatened by you and she won’t admit that. She’ll just try to trump up a bunch of reasons why you’re not doing your job right. Been there. I’d tell your boss that you’ll talk if it’s about how to do the tasks better but you have no interest in discussing personal issues/problems. People have tried to trap me that way, too, as if I was causing the problem too. Listen to your gut.

  75. Yup, its crazy. I am a temporary employee and have NO desire to take anyone’s job or become permanent at this particular work location. I have a co-worker who is 2 years from retirement. when I first arrived she was very helpful and talked about everyone else in the office and how they got on her nerves. I settled in an began to conversate with staff. hec we’re in the office all day together. She growled at me one day and told me I was just like the rest of them. Now she is overly friendly with everyone, she won’t speak to me. She comes in early and takes all the work out of our “shared” box to make it look like she’s overworked and that I do nothing. Luckily the office manager knows what is going on, wrote me a rave letter of reccommendation and puts work on my desk so I will have something to do. He told our immediate supervisor of the issue, and made a point to tell her that I go above and beyond to ask for work, to ask if anyone needs help. He knows this woman is bad news, but she’s been there for many years. I get a headache ever time I walk pass her desk. She would rather work on a small desk than face me on her work desk. She almost knocked me over one day in the hall way, stomping past me. She wears dark colors every day, is hunched over and just overtly hostile. Can’t wait to find a permanent position outta that place. Amazing how one person’s negativity can ruin what could be a nice job.

  76. Girls , I understand all of you because Im going through the same thing.. Jelous women at work that love to talk behind your back, and pretend to like you but as soon as you walk away they roll their eyes and whisper things behind your back… Like we cant notice, right..

  77. They don’t sleep at night cause their up thinking about how ugly the are that’s why they are hating on you

  78. Hi,
    I just stumbled across your post and wanted to say that I feel for you. I’m in the exact same position minus the corporate part. I work for a home that houses adults with disabilities. I do enjoy the work and get along with most all the staff except for a couple. One of those two I have gotten on somewhat better terms with after complaining to my boss about her attitude, but I think she hates me even more now because of that (she just puts on a satisfied mask of a face when we HAVE to work together). The other lady though (and I use the term lady very loosely), has hated me from day one and continues to nit pick every little thing I do, for reasons unbenounced to me. I am exceedingly nice to her, and I, nor you, nor anyone in this world deserves treatment like this! Its gotten to the point with me that I’m ready to transfer and downgrade to the position I had before this one. I hate dealing with the gossip and slander these women use to ruin people’s lives.
    Anyway, I’m sorry to rant about my problems when this post was clearly about your problems, and I know this was submitted months ago, I just had to comment and let you know of one more person in the same boat as you! I’m sorry this has befallen you and I hope things get better for you!

  79. I absolutely know what you feel. What I hate most about it is that I find myself unable to just ignore them. Friends tell me, just ignore them, but I just can’t. Today I was having a break with a friend and two of my co-workers came and glared at me (they are angry because of a recent success I had). I cannot ignore them! And I know they become even worse because I don’t smile at them and ignore their ways. They say it’s evidence I’m arrogant. It just hurts me that they are so hateful. I wish god would give me the strength to forgive and ignore them.

  80. Sweetie, I am going through the same thing. Since the trouble maker left, my boss took over (a woman) and she is a born TROUBLEMAKER! I informed her of what the girls were doing to me and she took to the others, and has stirred-up things with the other attorney upstairs against me. I simply ignore it all. We went to a going away dinner for the original trouble maker who once said to me around the table, “We were booing the Brits” knowing full well that I was born a Brit. Her husband is an American born Irish. I said nothing, because I know where that is coming from. Anyway, around the restaurant table one of the female partners was talking about another woman and how she hates the way the woman dresses. Then in describing the ugly bag the other woman was wearing, she said something to the effect that the ugly bag was the color of the blouse I was wearing. I actually felt sorry for her at that point and did not even finch, I was completely emotionless, because I wear what I like. At this stage and age of my life, I really feel that such behavior belongs to teenagers!!! I do not feel the need to hurt anyone, and anyone I see doing so, I know that there is an unfulfilled need. I am sorry, but I am not responsible for anyone’s problem, either with me or with someone else. If they have a problem with us, they should approach us to resolve it, but that is not what these women want, they need someone to pick on as it feeds their need. And yes, if you have looks, that is a deadly combination (and I know I do!) Learn to ignore them, do not give them any energy and of course PRAY morning, noon and night!

  81. Women have been jealous of me since as far back as I can remember, like the age of SEVEN. It’s utterly ridiculous, and they’re STILL jealous of me. Sick of it.

    Nothing but bitches. AND yes I’ve been jealous of women before, many times, but I never made anyone’s life hell because of it. I only tried to improve MYSELF.

    And yeah, they’re usually ugly or fat or both. Really. *barf*

  82. I hear what you are all saying. It was especially interesting that Kerri did not realize that the person that was acting like she could not learn, or act like she had not been taught was actually trying to sabotage her to the boss. Kerri, you were a being made a victim of a viscious hater, and becuz of your kind heart you probably did not even notice it.

    This type of harassment needs to be dealth with. I lost my job two years ago because my female boss who abused her authority promised my job to her female lover, and between them two and another friend of theirs, they harassed me to the point that I had to file a complaint about them to HR. However, my boss retaliated and wrote me up for things they had done to me, and the other two girls wrote false reports about me.

    My satisfaction was that although my boss fired me for made up stories, I went to the State and EEOC and filed complaints with them. My boss was shamed when her management team found out her real demeanor.

    I will never forget how they treated me. However, I have moved forward and have learned that this behavior reflects weak management. At my new place of employment, I have strong leadership, and this kind of behavior is not tolerated nor displayed. Everyone works as a team member, and I am very happy now.

  83. These stories could go on and on and on. I too have suffered from jealous women since I was in high school. Im now 48 years old and its no diffirent. I have lost jobs that I loved because of nothing but ignorant jealous women. You might not believe this, but just this week, since i just got upper dentures, the dental tech purposely built up the gums to the point of making me look like like a monstor, then before the Dr came arrived at the office, she and other techs were dying laughing. She got fired that same day. If we tell anyone that we are victims of jealousy, they look at you like ” oh yeah, you must really think your something”. When I was younger I did not realize that I was treated this way over jealousy. I was in my 30s before I even realized that it was not that others just disliked me, but they were jealous. I am a Christian women now, however I do not hesitate if I know someone is treating me badly over jealousy, to completly embarrass them in front of the same crowd they have tried to put me down in front of. I will tell them straight out, its not my fault they choose not to take care of themselves, or overeat or whatever it may be. I have grown sick and tired of these insecure, rude, paththetic women taking thier insecurites out on me. Believe me, you dish it right back aiming only for the truth and it will make them think twice before repeating such behaviour

  84. rae, i’m so sorry you have had to endure ignorant hatred. i totally understand where you’re coming from. i recently lost a sales job (not a huge loss because i hadn’t made any money since the start of this yr.). but still, i had been there 3 yrs. not that i was a saint by any means, but I KNOW i lost the job because of small-minded, hateful, jealous women bullies who act more like teenagers than grown women. can you believe what prompted me getting “cut loose” is an accounting employee (female, 33 yrs. old with a young boy) literally EAVESDROPPING on my conversations with a co-worker??? little did we know that she was repeating everything we said (focusing on what we said that was gossip and/or negative) to the bosses?!?! & she was/is one of the biggest/worst/sneakiest gossips there ever was! i’m still reeling that someone would have the nerve to do that! i heard that she quit but am not sure. of course, she was nice when she first started working there. the “root” of the problem was/is the administrative person who was extremely jealous of me. every time the boss spoke to me, i swear she acted like she was jealous. this woman was seriously nosy, too. every time i talked w/anyone, she would always ask, “what, who?”. my flesh wanted to (& still does want to) retaliate….i, too, am a Christian & am trying to live what the Word says. but it can be so hard!!! there were actually several other females at that company who i know were jealous. when my co-worker & i went upstairs looking for a garbage can for our new office, one woman told the boss we were going through people’s drawers - A TOTAL BOLDFACED LIE!!!! & this woman is the top salesperson at that company!!! talk about insecure!!! she takes care of herself but is not the most attractive person there is. i’m still hurting over this, that my boss who for a long time was very supportive of me apparently turned on me because these jealous idiots had ganged up on me. i know i’m not being paranoid & i’m not trying to sound like i’m “all that”. there are just some really mean & insecure people, especially women…out there….who have SERIOUS issues! i’m starting to really trust that God will take his vengeance….His Word says that He will. & know, we want it to happen RIGHT NOW! & trust me, i would love to do something crazy like slash their tires, etc. but i’m not going to jail over any of those idiots. they will get theirs; i believe that. people like that “hang themselves” eventually, i believe. plus, like i said, it’s not like i’m a saint, but i have been sober for nearly 12 yrs. many of these women are either alcoholics (or their behavior is seriously alcoholic which can happen if you were raised in a “toxic” home). i am still human & really pissed off about what happened. i felt really powerless & helpless when my boss let me go because he didn’t give me a chance to say anything…he just asked for my office key. BUT I KNOW THAT GOD IS WATCHING & IS IN TOTAL CONTROL. hang in there, ladies…you/we are not alone. take care & have a blessed, safe memorial day weekend.

  85. Oh my God!!! Jesus Christ Almighty Father,,, ladies all your comments has just dryied my tears. I have been going through a combination of all your agonies as you explained. Mine was worse because I was mobbed by a female manager who recruited fellow managers both male and female as well as lower carder employees on un assumption that I had an affair with a supervisor ….blah blah Crying has been my drink and food. Am going to dry my eyes and enjoy life. Life is too sweet to waist on these bunch of losers. I even went to HR but isteady I become a laughing stock it was even rubbed in my face whenever I requested for work related items ,it was reminded to me that I should seek help from HR personel. And nothing was done despite the evidence I presented. Management!!!!!!! Indeed
    I wis I had read this before I reported my woes. Reason some people decide to take matters into their owns hands God forbid us to do the same. Many blessings women of celebrity status.
    Every one of you I wish you God’s blessings

  86. Oh my God!!! Jesus Christ Almighty Father,,, ladies all your comments has just dryied my tears. I have been going through a combination of all your agonies as you explained. Mine was worse because I was mobbed by a female manager who recruited fellow managers both male and female as well as lower carder employees on un assumption that I had an affair with a supervisor ….blah blah Crying has been my drink and food. Am going to dry my eyes and enjoy life. Life is too sweet to waist on these bunch of losers. I even went to HR but isteady I become a laughing stock it was even rubbed in my face whenever I requested for work related items ,it was reminded to me that I should seek help from HR personel. And nothing was done despite the evidence I presented. Management!!!!!!! Indeed

    I wish I had read this before I reported my woes. Reason some people decide to take matters into their owns hands God forbid us to do the same. Many blessings women of celebrity status.
    Every one of you I wish you God’s blessings

  87. I know exactly what everyone is talking about. I work at a place exactly like that. Problem was if you had a problem with a coworker, manager etc you couldnt even go to HR because HR was probably best friends or relative of the person managing you. They hired a lot of family members but not everyone’s family member. Lot of days I wanted to quit and I was married, still am, but I didnt quit because of the money and my spouse didnt earn as much as me. With that be said I could retire within the next five years to eight years even in this economy because it paid just that well. But I hated and still do hate that job, but I told myself I wasnt going to let a bitch mess up my money and plans etc so I gotta stick in there for the bigger payoff which is the company provided retirement check on which I had to make no contributions to. And those right there are rare. I hear you girls I been there, I cant tell you how many bad managers I had there forget about the jealous coworkers. Im talking management. Prayer helps, try to smile even if you gotta be phony, get your check keep to yourself if you have to go home. Pray to get thru the next day week etc. Once you have taken that attitude you will feel better and you can let these people get to you

  88. I’m so sorry for commenting so late, but it seems i have finally found people who have experienced the same things that I did. First, I would like to say that my maturity level far surpasses that of my peers because of what I have experienced, and even though im a teenager i’m an old soul really because my ‘beauty’ has shown me the worst of human nature. I’m sure there is some good in those jealous women who have hurt me terribly throughout the years, but different people treat different people differently get what I mean? Sure the evil lady who backstabbed you might be a very good and loyal friend to others, but she still is an evil bitch to you right? its no wonder people dont believe us when we tell them how much sadness and pain we have to endure just because we’re beautiful. Even my own boyfriend cant understand. Its so sad because no one we meet can truly understand us and we feel so isolated and lonely even though we might have many people who cherish us. We also have difficulties forming relationships because we guard our hearts fiercely and it takes tremendous effort to break through our barriers.

    I dunno about you guys, but I’ve only had one guy who expressed care and romantic feelings for me ( now hes my boyfriend). Guys stare at me wherever I go and I can get any guy to dance with me in a club ( yes I’ve actually tested out and experimented with guys from many races and ages in order to confirm with myself that i’m actually good looking instead of being delusional,conceited etc). My point is half of the guys want me just for sex and the other half are either too intimidated by my beauty to approach me since fear of rejection is greater when the object of interest is beautiful or they assume things like I must have a terrible personality because I’m beautiful or I’m beautiful AND single so there must be something terribly wrong with me. I wonder what is the point of being beautiful and enduring all those crap from other women when I dont even get to enjoy the perks of getting many men to pursue me as a potential mate. I dont have to confirm with you guys that I have a great personality and am friendly to people yadda yadda because you guys should know what I’m talking about. Its a matter of perspective really. An attractive woman reading my comment will understand and sympathise with me immediately because she knows and shes been through such stuff before. A plain-looking woman will immediately assume horrible stuff abt me, like some readers above. Its quite obvious from some comments whos good-looking and whos not. I’m not TRYING to be conceited (maybe i am but thats not my point) in saying this, but you guys get my drift right?

    My boyfriend also thinks that I’m too paranoid (its not paranoia if people are really out to get you :p) and too sensitive and quick to judge people. He makes it sounds like I’m the one with a problem and sometimes he makes me really angry with his naiveness and lack of understanding.Btw,its only right that we’re paranoid and quick to judge people right because we have been backstabbed and betrayed all our lives and a simple lapse in judgement or witholding of judgement could easily cost us more than emotional trauma. I mean we could get framed for some crime etc right? its no wonder we have difficulties making friends. Our pool of potential friends is already so small, adding our paranoia and lack of trust, its no surprise we dont have much friends if any. but theres nothing we can do about it. id rather be lonely and miserable for some time rather than risk myself in trying to make a new friend when almost all the women i meet are guaranteed to be jealous and the potential consequences are very disastrous.

    anyway, i resent my boyfriend sometimes and i feel like such a bitch for thinking stuff abt him sometimes. im just frustrated by his lack of understanding. his looks are below average standards so im wondering if that somehow can partly be responsible for his inability to understand and empathise with me. I dont mind about his looks at all he has a heart of gold though but i wish that he could be more compatible with me in terms of understanding and connecting with me. how can i find my life partner when its so hard for people to understand our world? yes i said world, because we are in a world of our own, a world where people place and isolate us in.

    Let me continue. i could write a whole book about this lol.

    I just turned 18 and I have already experienced all that betrayal and backstabbing and I’m so depressed. I havent even started working yet and my future is looking more grim by the minute. I dont look forward to graduation at all. It all started in high school ; in my junior years i was excluded by almost all my classmates : i received the usual eye rolling, hostile looks, back stabbing, making up false rumors about me treatment. Then in my senior years it got more sinister. My female teachers began playing a part. I was a senior in the famous school contemporary dance club and my female teacher just kicked me out. yes kicked me out for no good reason. My female teacher was the typical short fat ugly( in looks and soul) single desperate for men bitch in her 30s and she ganged up with the a few high profile members of the club, who were jealous females as well, to kick me out, never mind my 8 years of dancing background, never mind the numberous accolades i have earned. it was just so sudden and out of the blue. I have never talked to any of the other members beyond a hi and bye, i have also been polite and respectful to all my teachers, i have never done anything to offend anyone ( how can i do anything to anyone when i dont even have anyone? *rolls eyes*). i asked her why and she couldnt give me a good explnation she just said i can explore more avenues and i have ‘nothing to lose’. i wouldnt have taken the kicking me out so hard if extra-curricular activities werent a crucial part of obtaining a scholarship. thankfully, i still got my scholarship and im now in an ivy league uni. i swear, being smart and beautiful is a lethal combination. i wonder if they have planned it all along, planned to try and dampen my future like this.

    then another female teacher, married, did something unforgivable. she tried to frame me for theft. she took me to her office one day and pretended to care about me (im not even in her goddamn class!) and asked all sorts of questions about how i was faring etc and how i seem to be fiercely independent aka loner. anyway i could tell she was insincere because i could see in in her eyes( i have learnt to read people extremely well since young, a survival tool i have picked up). anyway, halfway suddenly she told me she had to leave for a while, and then TOOK OUT her phone and wallet and left it on the table in front of me and left. if i had moved an inch from my chair, or was curious and touched her stuff, i bet she would have called the authorities- school or even police on me. i bet her office was already bugged and while she was gone, she was probably watching me though hidden cctv or surveillance cameras ,from outside. maybe im thinking too much but i find it highly suspicious. i could have blown it off as me being too paranoid if she just left her phone behind, but she left her wallet behind. no sane adult would ever leave their wallet which will contain CREDIT CARDS ,behind consciously because certain precautions are so ingrained in their behaviour in order to prevent credit card thefts. i feel so betrayed. why were both teachers, one of them married even, so hateful? why did they want to destroy my future ( if they could without getting caught i just know they would) when they are supposed to be protecting me, looking out for me since they have sworn an oath as teachers? why did the married teacher feel so threatened and jealous of me? shes married for gods sake, she should be leading a stable and blissful family life with her kids and all that.

    basically, im childishly asking, how could they? am i really THAT drop dead gorgeous? (note sacarsm) i know im pretty but i definitely dont think im THAT pretty, enough to warrant that level of sinister hate? this is all so baffling. is being born with a pretty face that much desirable by all? even my ‘close’ friend is secretly jealous of me, i know this because she never goes out with me or stands next to me in class photos and when she does her smile is always a little stiff…im sorry im prettier than you and made you feel bad abt yourself ok? please stop comparing yourself to me, if you would just look you would see that deep down you have many beautiful qualities in you too…shes gone away now btw..anyway sigh..women… if they cannot get beauty they turn into vicious cruel creatures devoid of rationality and compassion and take it out on us…wow i dont understand humans, they are so frightening, its so scary how they can turn vicious and ugly just in one instant.

    im still a child in many ways, but i wonder, dont these women have some sense of honor, integrity or CONSCIENCE? i agree, how can they sleep at night or even bear to look at their own ugly soul in the mirror knowing that they have hurt someone terribly because of their own feelings of inadequacy? how can they go on living like this, how can they not see the monsters they have turned into? even if im jealous of someone, i would never let it affect my sense of justice and fairness, i would never treat them unfairly. i guess we’re different. if i meet someone more beautiful than me, i would be so happy to have met such a wonderful person and would try to emulate all her good values etc

    enough about women…on to men…

    I hate being harrassed everywhere by men, at the gym, at the pool, at shopping malls, at eating outlets sincea lot of times im eating alone, and even at school. i hate myself for being so adept at reading people… i hate seeing the glint of desire in their eyes, their eyes shining with overwhelming lust. they dont care about me, they just want to **** me. i hate being desired too much. im like please stop looking at me like this, please stop undressing me with your eyes, please just stop !!! i can sense your lustful and animalistic aura rolling off you in waves, i cant stand it please stop. your twice my age goddamit ( i was 16 when they started ‘offcially’) or im old enough to be your daughter, please have some honor and stop your dirty train of thoughts. its like i cant trust men anymore. they are so dirty and tainted and always thinking about sex sex sex. its like there are very few good and honorable men left and the rest are animals out to **** women. even my male teachers always ughh i dont even know how to begin describing it. if even my highly respected and highly educated male teachers desire me - i know they do they probably would have agreed to have sex with me if i had initiated or if i have been responsive in the signals to show im interested)- then how could i even begin to trust other men? am i destined to spend my life alone because i could not trust others?

    let me do a quick run through of what they did to me. one teacher in my class, when i was 15, everytime he tells us to read the textbook, he would walk around the whole class and he would always come to my textbook on the table and touch my fingers in a seductive creepy way while reading aloud sentences from my book and explaining to the class abt stuff. i feel goosebumps everytime he touches me and i dont feel good or bad, i just feel something foreign…another teacher would fail me on purpose, i was 17, ( i know now because i have never passed a single of his essay assignments but yet i did extremly well on the national exams in the end without a change in study regime or methods) and would give me tutoring one to one. he would always wear some special cologne that he never wears in class during our private sessions and instead of sitting across me face to face, he would sit next to me and lean over a little too close at times …and he sits wayyy too close and sometimes he stares deeply into my eyes while hes ‘explaining’ with that lustful ( more like lecherous ) look…hes married wtf…and another male teacher always gives me special treatment and cant stop talking abt me in jokes (kind jokes) in class all the time and he would ask aloud whether i go for facials etc ughh wth rite and cause the females to even hate me more for being the teachers pet and attention-seeker. but im not even doing anything, i dont even try to curry favor with the male teachers like a lot of them >

  89. part 2

    there was my music teacher at school who offered to drive me home and being the naive 16 year old i was, i accepted and got into his car. i was saved by a female teacher who forced her way into the car at the last minute. i think she was more concerned abt the school’s reputation if my teacher indeed was planning on jumping me though…how was i to know i was different from my classmates? they never had to endure this kind of sexual interest at a young age before all they encountered was sweet cuddly innocent high school puppy love…there was another time when a beloved senior at school dragged me into a toilet and put his hands against the wall im backed on, and unzipped and unbuttoned my clothes and err dominated me? he didnt kiss me or take my clothes off entirely though and he wasnt drunk but i think he was restraining himself… i didnt report him or my teachers because they didnt rape me and they were beloved seniors and mentors so i didnt want a small (not really) like this to destroy their bright future. i also didnt report my male teachers ( there were many more instances of sexual harassment) because i was benefitting acdemically due to the special treatment and i had to be ruthless to myself and grit my teeth and bear with it so that i might find whatever little happiness i can in the future with scholarships and awards and good degrees and high paying jobs. its not like i’m being raped, its not gonna stop the overwhelming male attention i keep getting everywhere, and my past is already so miserable so i just have to bear with it. someday i want to set up my own company and be my own boss so that all these will stop. i hate being treated like a prized pet or a social escort exchanging my time with them for academic advancement ( note i will try to avoid these situations and will never seek them out or encourage them you must believe in my sense of honor) but i have to bear with it.

    there was a married celebrity who came to our school and he shook hands with everybody but when it was my turn, he pulled me so that i fell on him and he put his hands around my waist and wouldnt let go such that i had to walk for quite some while with his hand on my hip like im his woman while he continued whatever he was doing. needless to say, i was hated even more after that. i was confused at that time, because he was someone i deeply admired and longed to be like, thats y i didnt pull was just the shock of the moment, i would never be third party nor while i dishonor the holy institution of marriage..

    there was a ****ing random visit to a male doctor and even the odds were against me as he crossed the boundaries. i was having a fever high enough to need antibiotics, yet he still took advantage of me. he wanted to check my throat yet he placed his fingers on my chin like how a lover would just before you two engaged in deep kissing. it was a brief but seductive caress before he place them on my chin in a way i find too intimate. then, he DIDNT use an ice cream stick to press down my tongue, instead he first told me to stick out my tongue and after staring for a long while, the ****er actually used two gloved fingers to press down my tongue to ‘better see my throat’ with his fingers on my chin still. it felt so invasive and foreign cuz his two fingers were so deep down my throat and saliva was like dribbling down eww. then after the throat examination, he placed two fingers on each side of my neck with a brief caress before holding them there…to check my pulse perhaps? *snorts* after that he asked me to lie down and pressed down to check for abdominal pains, but it was more like he was pressing on my uterus. not to mention i dont see why his stethoscope had to go under my shirt and stay there for so long . i was delirious with fever, but i still remember it clearly :( enough with the sexual harassment already, even a random doctor >

  90. part 3
    i often wonder why god gave me this face..i dont want to be beautiful its more trouble than its worth…im still a virgin so thank god for small only 18 years old yet i have lived through so much, have suffered so much. i shudder to think how more chaotic my life will be, how many more traumatic experiences i have to live through, how many more injustices i will have to suffer, how more vicious and competitive women will get, how many more lustful man i must encounter, how much more hatred i must endure as i grow older? im not optimistic at all. handsome guys have it easy they have the best of both worlds cuz guys dont hate and bitch on other hot guys. im judged everyday for my looks and sometimes when it gets really bad, i look into the mirror and i want to slash my face with a knife. i hate being beautiful its a curse i want to be loved :( funny right how we can never get what we want in life? im so desperate to be normal looking with perhaps a cute but plain face yet girls out there are enduring painful surgeries to enhance their beauty. im aware im bordering on needing a psychologist, but i cant trust a female one not to be hateful and jealous and wrote horrible lies abt me and purposely push me for wrong treatments so that i will be blackmarked as a wacko and i cant trust a male one not to be lustful and take advantage of me when im vulnerable.ladies, my advice is to bear with it for it while you do what you need to build a future as happy as you can make it to be without betraying your honor.god bless.

  91. gabrielle, i totally understand what you are saying. i recently lost a job….get this….because a female employee eavesdropped on my conversations w/a co-worker & repeated the negative things we said to the boss! this person is 33 freakin years old with an 8 year old son! i couldn’t believe the nerve of her! but then again, she was egged on by another female (don’t even get me started on that one.) after the boss called me & my co-worker on the carpet, the psycho had the nerve to SMILE at me afterwards when she hadn’t said a word or smiled at me once before! (of course, my part in the whole thing is that i should not have been gossiping.) but people aren’t supposed to be eavesdropping on others….to me that is totally psycho!!! i am not a supermodel by any means but i can tell from the reactions i have gotten over the years from both sexes that 1) many women are intimidated by me or hate me for no apparent reason and 2) like you, men try to sleep with me right off the bat or assume that i’m stupid. if you are pretty AND smart…..this freaks out both sexes!!! gabrielle, you are not alone….i am praying for you. i think prayer, God & His Word are the only things that have kept me sane. my own sister has treated me worse than you would treat a stray dog! (she is beautiful & has her own issues as well.) this stuff really gets old, but all you can do is be a nice person… God (not people because they let you down sometimes on purpose but usually not). there are a lot of insecure people in this world; i think the best thing to do is pray for them….as hard as that may be. i have now been gone from that job for 3 months. do you know that ANOTHER female there LIED & told the boss that my co-worker & i had been going through people’s drawers???!!!! and get this…..this person is on probation for a felony….”organized criminal activity”…..geez. i recently e-mailed my boss (former) & let him know that i found this out about her & told him it was crazy that she accused me of that when she’s in that situation! stay strong, gabrielle, pray a lot & know you’re not alone! love you in Christ Jesus, take care. : )

  92. clarification : i noticed i have come off sounding like some slut, exchanging my teachers’ attention towards me for some academic advancement but i didnt mean it to sound that way. what i meant was, what happened already happened, it wasnt rape, i will try my best to avoid these situations in future, i will never encourage or seek their attention in such ways, thats y im not reporting their ass. the academic benefit i get is they teach me a lot of things ( academic stuff get your mind out of the gutter XD) and show me how to look at stuff from different perspectives etc. all scholarships, awards etc i earn or have the potential to earn are purely reliant on my own merit. plus i study at a highly prestigious institution so chances are even if i wanted to,reporting my teachers could backfire on me.

    i know this is focused on co-workers, but i just want to share a little part of my story here with you guys because i have to deal with backstabbing, jealousy,dirty play, betrayal etc just like you beautiful ladies as well…also some of you ladies are married and have daughters, so i hope that you will look for signs of behaviour that i have written about in your own daughter’s life so that she will not have to be alone through all of this. remember, beauty is a ‘ terrible sin’ and whoever commits it will not be spared regardless of young or old. and take extra notice of your beautiful daughter, always believe your daughter over others, even school authorities, and remember its not 100 percent safe just because the institution shes enrolled in is prestigious and highly respected teachers surround her all day.

  93. talithakoum thank you for your kind words of encouragement, god bless you and i pray that you will have a better and happier future :)

  94. you’re welcome, gabrielle…you will do exceedingly well in life. just remember to “take the high road.” when possible, “kill” people (haters) with kindness. being kind to someone kind of “vaccinates” them from being hateful (not all the time but often). they may still say mean things about you but when you are consistently kind & respectful to people, that cannot be denied….no one can lie about that. besides, the Word of God says that when you are kind to your enemies “it is like pouring hot coals over their heads”…..LOL….i like that!!! i remember a friend told me a long time ago when we were teenagers that i was going to get hurt a lot. i’m like, why, what do you mean? she said because i was pretty (but i still didn’t see that as meaning i would be hurt later on.) but she was right. whatever people do & however they act….GOD IS ON OUR SIDE…HE SEES OUR HEARTS AS WELL AS OUR OUTSIDES & HE LOVES US. take care & have a blessed & safe july 4th!

  95. hi-I am thinking some of my problem is that i am lacking in soft skills.
    I work to the best of my ability, am detail minded(admittedly a little slower then others, but no complaints from my manager so far), abbreviate my lunch b/c i am mindful of the work at hand. I am married but have no kids, so i don’t care if i stay late. Don’t look for opportunities for small talk, don’t like to engage in office politics, am annoyed by people’s incessant need to talk “fluff”. Wish i did get along better w/others, but it requires more brain space and dividing of my attention that i can afford to be organized at my job. Or does it? Seems that soft skills may be what keeps one hired, and not AS much hard skills????? Am not dumb, just dumbfounded. What am i doing wrong? I try to figure this out, to be sensitive to coworkers’ needs (this one needs to eat lunch early, this one not care for this particular duty so i will do it….). Perhaps i am getting a taste of my own medicine, so i shouldn’t be surprised when no one wants to be friendly. People are so complicated! I just want to get along, not have best friends at work-a little separation from my work and private life. I really think i am missing something…..

  96. Hi There,
    Ive never been motivated to respond to any of these blogs, but i had to respond to this one. I have two fat mediocre young lazy employees I work with, and a highly attractive but pathetic and intellectually lazy boss that feels more comfortable supporting them because they are a comfortable distance below her in calibur of physical attraction or interest as a human being.
    I had a ridiculous meeting with my boss and one of the employees who tried to point out something to uncover an error and send it to my manager to make herself look good. What a couple of silly idiots. My boss tried to find more drama than there was, asking if the difficulties between me and this employee were deeper than just this incident. How pathetic! I was looking out the window when I answered with a blank indifferent :NO”! The employee started crying saying the my response to her tattle tailing via email was rude. I hugged her and called her honey. Then I had a talk with my boss the next day. I set up a meeting with an agenda item called Team Collaboration. I let her know what I thought in a diplomatic but direct manner. Dont react to the little hens that know they should be cleaning your floors. Dont back off either. Give them a nudge- remind them that the bug in their ass is justified and that you are in control of the situtation. If you back off they’ll keep doing it because they need to distract themselves from how ****ty they feel in your presence. Remember being a bitch makes everyone forget their troubles. Keep the pressure on and keep them on their heels. Life is too busy and short. I got 99 problems and a bitch aint one! Good luck- be a bitch

  97. I am a beautiful of normal size female, and I have always had a hard time with jelous, insecure women. Usually these individuals are over weight, and very unattractive. It has never mattered how intelligent, nice, or polite have tried to be, I have always gotten the same treatment. I live in a town where it seems if you are not an over weight, and unatractive cow, you are automatically shut out of the loop. I have learned now in my 40’s that these individuals have made me appreciate life, and I really feel sorry for these types of women. They never say what they mean, usually two faced, and they have no self respect which is so apparent when you look at them. I am just very blessed, and thankful. Truly these types are a great example of a bad example. How do you have a conversation with this type of ignorance, you dont.

  98. Just one more thing. It has worked for me to bring the cow some donuts, or some type of snack. I like to kill them with kindness, you know the kind of kindness that when I get cowed up on. I show true empathy, and always say oh you poor thing. When you start acting like you truly feel sorry for them, and it shows you how blessed you are; it really starts to get to through the ignorance. Ask them if you should use a black pen instead of blue, and oh is that going to be ok with you, or would you like me to use stock paper instead. Treat them like they are retarded 2 year olds, and whatever you do dont forget the donuts. It always shuts them up when they can stick something in there mouth.

  99. Wow, every thing this woman is saying has happened to me at every job that I have worked. I have to wonder is this jealousy, or just mental illness. Females are competitive with each other, if they can’t compete with you because you just naturally stand out, they will do every evil thing to make you look bad. There should be laws against this. With the take over of women in the workplace, work sites are no longer professional, its all personal. Its hard for a woman to move up because other women will not help other women co workers unless they are friends. I can see what this woman is saying, been there a million times.

  100. OK - please listen. Insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. So, starting a job and thinking, “This time it will be different - I’ll be nice to everyone, I’ll work hard, I’ll be professional in my image” - and doesn’t the same thing happen to you every time? You start to feel that the women are being mean to you and they must be jealous.

    I used to think this back in my twenties (I was the nice, pretty, shy, smart girl and lots of guys gave me often unwanted attention). (Always did wonder why, however, some very good-looking women also managed to be very popular with other women and men, never seemed to be the target of the women’s jealousy). I am now 48 and have had my eyes opened slowly and painfully through the years. When I started reading the comments above, it sounded like young and pretty women writing and I can understand why they think it is jealousy. Then I noticed many were in their 40s and claim this has happened their entire lives. Hmmmmmm . . . do the women in their 40s REALLY think that other women look at them and think, oh she’s so beautiful, I am threatened and jealous? Come on, even if you are good-looking in your middle years, you are still not going to be the center of attention because of your appearance anymore. There is a different reason that these “bitchy” women don’t like you. Although I will grant you, it still does make them bitches to continue hurting women like you who obvously are trying hard to fit in and get along with everyone.

    The reason is that young women who are good-looking and conscious of it do get unfair attention from men - yes, its’ the men’s fault, not yours, but it still causes a problem when you have other women who may be not as attractive working just as hard and getting little recognition or “perqs” on the job. The good-looking young women have to be VERY friendly and have fun with the other women right off the bat to fit in, and those very friendly women somehow escape being the jealousy target of the plainer women. The attractive but more reserved women develop a resentment, coupled with a defiance by which they say “screw those women,” but by doing so they never develop the skills to get along with other women. These attractive young women can be so isolated from more average women that they go on through their 30s and 40s still seeing themselves as the pretty young thing who is a victim of the other women’s jealousy. Guess what - by the time you are in your 40s, those women are not doing it out of jealousy anymore. Alexia is right, if you have that chip on your shoulder about being victimized because you are attractive, even though you are now in your lates 40s, other women who know how to socialize with each other just don’t have the time or patience to deal with your attitude. IF they were kind, one of these other women would talk with you about why you may have probelms at the office - but, first, you would have to ask in a sincere way, and second, unfortunately, a whole lot of people AIN’T kind anymore. I learned all of this through hard experience.

  101. I enjoy reading this article including the wealth of worthy comments. Unfortunately, we still live in a male-centric world. I believe the situation for leading career women is getting worse and there is a lot more we can all do to change the status quo. We all need to keep on communicating effectively about issues preventing women achieve higher levels of success to overcome this obstacle.
    Interested in my latest blog:

  102. The best way to calm jealousy is to keep a low profile and allow others the credit. Jealousy is usually a result of someone’s perceived image of anothers circumstances. If you befriend the underdog nobody will compete with you for his/her attentions & you will most likely get an appreciative, loyal co worker to go on breaks with. Quietly & invisibly help others that are less pretty & skilled than yourself. Let them get the credit for the results reached due to your help. They will gradually become your friends also. Lastly, the supervisors/directors etc., stay out of their sphere. The competition at that level is fierce. The wages are generally not that much higher than the positions subordinate to them. But, if one wants to egotistically be at the top of the chain then expect to be rubbing shoulders with others that want the same thing and God help anyone that threatens that progress.

  103. Well, I have a low self-esteem and I’m NOT cocky but I try to dress nice. This bullying has been going on with me for years. I had a revelation reading some of these comments that this has been going on since before I was in college! I always viewed myself as a “late bloomer”: someone who just within the last ten years started looking “adult” and not like a dorky, gangly acne covered teen. But now I can distinctly remember having a few girl friends who would bully me and tell me I was worthless, meanwhile their boyfriends all wanted to be with me. I never thought about this until now…
    At work, well, I’ve had to quit jobs because of the bullying. I don’t look like Miranda Kerr but I’m her height and size and people would make comments every time I wore heels. I worked hard and it made the other women madder. I don’t understand. When I see an attractive girl I say, Oh, there’s an attractive girl or Oh, I like her hair. Unless she is all over my husband why would I care?? But WOMEN ARE OBSESSED WITH LOOKS. It doesn’t matter what profession you are in, women care more about looks than men do and this plays a huge factor on your success in life. But not in the way you think. If you look different than others and they are jealous of you they will do whatever it takes to tear you down. I made the mistake of letting me sensitive, emotional self get the best of me. I, too, cried at work many times and got angry. Not anymore. From this day on I am only here to work. Sure, I may get lonely, but I have friends elsewhere and a daughter and a husband, and MYSELF. So rather than wasting time trying to be friends with people that hate me because of something I cannot change (My height and my figure) I’m going to make myself look even better and I’m going to make my life awesome by starting a small business (my website) and working out, quitting smoking and eating healthy! Meanwhile, the rest of these sad little women will drone out their days with these feelings of anger and jealousy running their lives. If one of them reaches out to me I will help them and I will forgive them, but I will not be their “friend” in the sense that I would tell them my secrets and let them in my life.
    REAL FRIENDS are easy to spot. You shouldn’t have to work on making someone like you. Give up now.

  104. Wow, I just spent an hour reading all the comments. I still need advice, my bully has some serious balls. I work in education and was laid off for two years because of budget cuts. The same disctrict hired me at another site and much to my surprise I would be working for the same boss as before who has my mom as an assistant and knows my work ethic. She has even written letters of recommendation for me. Several people at the new site were people I had worked with before and I do not have one enemy. My bully also sits behind me and watches my every move and even admitted to hiding behind the objects on her desk. This person is on personal phone calls at least 2 hours a day, if not more. I made this observation early on, but just decided to monitor it. All she does is complain about every single person except the boss. She speaks Spanish to the other gal behind me because she knows I don’t understand. I’m also Christian and have made my beliefs clear, shockingly …. this person claimed to ask be Christian. From day one I was warned about this person from many employees, but I never judged and always treated her well….. maybe even more nice since I know she suffers in her personal life. I bring her treats like once a week and she texts me here and there telling me what she is doing on the weekends. All day long this person emails me(even though she sits behind me) calls me, walks over to my desk or just hollers out things/ complaints. For example “so and so from another building went into the storage area and took some markers” or “you need to say something to so and so because they make cooed and never bring paper”. I realize that I’m the one that ends up confronting and getting blood on my hands when she is the controlling informer. All day long I get told what I should and should not be doing. The kicker is that the boss told me that she has been coming in to her office for the last three weeks with logs of my calls and texts!!!! The best part of all this is that I give my job 110% because my mom works there and I have history with the boss. I never make personal calls and the only calls I take on my cell are from my doc and I leave my desk! Also, that “texting” she says I do…. yeah I text about 7 times a day when nobody is in the office, but it’s TO MY MOM or other co-workers totally work related!!!! She talk on the work phone and cell all day, so the bible says to turn the other cheek, but this person is unstable and I feel that I have to stand up for myself. My boss told me from day 1 that I am office manager and I run the show, but letting the bully come in to chat/complain about me behind my back does not sound like she has my back. I think it’s just because she knows this persons rep and just acts likes she is listening. I need to put a stop to this bcuz if I don’t say anything, I’m going to be even more of a target. Ideas anyone? I want to handle like a Christian, despite my backbiting wound hurting to the core of my soul…. I still forgive and pray for her. I’m not dealing with a full deck of cards here though, so it’s a delicate situation. Ugh

  105. I go through the sam thing on my current job. I’m 31 and they women who target me are both old-ass broads with nothing better to do. I went to management and you should do the same. It takes away from what you are there to do in the first place.

  106. ladies, a LONG time ago i read that employers can and DO listen in on what employees are saying and doing at work. i did not really take it to heart because i thought, “who in their right mind is going to spy on someone at work?” as you know, there are plenty of people, namely women, who do this (often to get women they are jealous of in trouble). from the time you walk in the door, (you don’t have to be paranoid, though), consider every word & action because usually someone IS watching and/or listening. people who feel extremely insecure about themselves and/or in their own job find hideous power in snooping on others and “tattling”. as ridiculous as it sounds (to me it’s like being in junior high or even grade school!) often, they are doing the same or worse things than what they are accusing others of. and they “tattle” to get the focus off themselves and at the same time make someone else look worse. i took me a LONG TIME to realize that (usually woman) really can and often are that catty. it hurts and it really sucks when a bunch of them gang up. i know it seems hard if not impossible, but try to “kill them with kindness.” keep doing that, even when they continue to be rude…and pray for them. i am praying for all of you ladies who are dealing with this. take care and stay “prayed up!”

  107. Some people think that everyone is jealous of them, but they are just really so big on themselves and bore everyone to death.

  108. I have the same continuing experience.
    What I do is carry a little pocketsize notebook with me and write down all the BS they try to do to me. I also went with the chain of command, who basically ignored me, but I did follow protocol. I met with personnel over this one particular employee who reeks of alcohol when she comes in. Her ‘buddy’ there is another nut job. But I did go to personnel and file a complaint. You have to to protect yourself. Do your best not to respond to their cattiness, but again do not let them try to take you over. I respond with point blank comments back-not insulting back, or stooping to their level. My usual response is we are here to do a job, and I can see you cannot get beyond personalities in order to perform it.
    I keep things strickly work related. Period. No gossip or backstabbing them to anyone else. In the end it gets back to them anyways.
    Want yourself, keep notes, and if need to hire a lawyer.

  109. i am so glad i found this site and im glad im not alone. i used to love my job. but they laid off almost everyone and those they kept were jealous and unprofessional people. our former office manager who was fired for embezzling, used to pick on me for no reason. she would take some of the other girls to go party and drink on the clock leaving me alone by myself to run things. the office manager used to tell me all the time she was going to fire me and told me no one up there liked me. i never did anything to anyone but do my job. they got rid of everyone that was a good worker and kept rude and unprofessional people. those they got rid of most were good workers and friendly people. these 3 women who are left are jealous of me. they are rude say rude things to me all time. belittle me to the owners of the company and to my face. i am blamed for anything that goes wrong. they undermine me and purposely make me look incompetent in front of the owners to. i get so mentally exhausted i go home crying and praying for a layoff. i never did anything to no one and im treated so awful. they come and go as they please leaving to go to the grocery store or just because they want to go home. i miss a day i never hear the end of it and made to feel like trash. i pray every day that i will find another job or that this place will lay me off. i am so tired of these bozos making me cry. i do my job and i get treated like trash and it is allowed and tolerated its sickening!

  110. Wow, I have had trouble with lady co workers also. My last job was so bad. they wanted to know where I shopped. This job, my co worker is just bitter because of her life and seem like she wants others to hurt. I have never seen someone so negative in my life. Each time I tell her a man said something nice about me, she say alright your husband is going to blacken you eyes. Today, i shared some info with her about a cousin and she says, ok you are going to look like a racoon. I told her we do not play that in my household.
    While I was texting, she says alright that picture is going to go to the wrong person. She is negative about every thing. I really need my job, so I do not share anything with her, because she will find something negative about it. She even told me how I walk and said she whish she was bolegeed so she could get all the men, because bolegged women get all the men. You can give her 20 ways to do better, she will give you 30 way she cannot do better. How do you handle this lemon. She always acuse me of being with another man or she says they ladies like my company better.

  111. Oh yes!!! I have had this problem and have it now. My dad taught me when I was young to work hard. That is what I do. I don’t chit chat while at work. I don’t talk on the phone with personal calls. I work my butt off. But other women hate me. Even men. I think a lot of the problem is that it makes them look bad. You work hard, they don’t. Plus I am attractive. I was told a long time ago by a man, that they are just jealous. If they dont like you, forget them. But it is hard when you are constantly talked bad about. They talk amongst themselves and then the others now do not like you. Doesnt anyone have their own mind to make their own decisions. I am so stressed at my job right now, I cannot take it anymore. My boss is constantly on my case. He makes up things to harrass me about. Trying to push me out. I need my job. I am a single parent. I love my job. I love helping the people. I have no problems with my customers. They all love me. But not my co-workers. Not all of them. Just a few that do not have their self-esteem in tact. If you have a good self esteem, then why be jealous. I guess it doesn’t help that most of them are black. I am the only attractive white female there. And I am not that attractive, lol. But the men think I am. Help. A couple of the trouble makers are gone. But they left their touch before they left. And there is always someone to pick up on it.

  112. The best revenge is to just ignore them and do well. That will piss them off more then anything. They don’t matter. I recently discovered that in our office of about 12 female employee’s, we thought we had one person pulling the strings and holding up progress behind everybody’s back. Come to find out their were too trouble makers. It was disappointing but I have to say, I;m not that surprised. Now that I’m over the initial shock, I’m even more energized to make sure our office is successful and to overcome whatever challenge they think may cause problems for us. (I’m just that stubborn!)

  113. I experience this as well. I work in a male-dominated field and there are not a lot of women. The women who I do work with, I respect for their intelligence, drive, and willingness to make their work their own and show the men that we know what we are doing. They respect me, well some do. I work with an older woman. She has 32 years experience on me, children, and a great husband from what I hear. From the first day I have started, she has given me a silent attitude.

    She body checks me, always looks at the clothes I wear, has made numerous comments about my height and how skinny I am (I am 5′7 and 115lbs and I eat like a pig!). Since he is a senior employee most project go through her as she is a project lead. If she disagrees with something that I do, she will not email me, but try to make me look bad in front of my other co-workers. She invites everyone over to her house for except me. Has taken most of the newer employees under her wing for except me. Does not say hello to me, but does say goodbye. She gives me dirty looks. Her sister works at our place of business and she gives me dirty looks too. I have never met her!

    I can tell from her behavior and the way she conducts herself, despite her intelligence and experience, that she lacks confidence and self-esteem. I come off with a pretty strong personality, but I am always pleasant and try to be curteous. There have been times where she had reached out to me and I do the same in return, but overall she is pretty rude to me. I am always polite and I try to do my best.

  114. Hi all
    Thanks so much for this post and all the comments. I dont feel so alone anymore. You mirror my situation so much. I’m from India. I have constantly searched for reading material to help me cope: try “Mushroom management” “Seagull management” from to understand why HR or management will not help you either. The creeps gang up and make you feel like you’re paraniod. Also look up “Lateral violence” in the workplace.
    Well, there’s one thing I am still able to smile about - it is giving these jealous freaks something new to feel green about! I keep doing more and innovating more to set them new benchmarks to go after!!
    What the heck! Let’s be proud of who we are and remain attractive, well dressed, smart, creative, and ethical …. Cheers!

  115. I’ve had the same problems at work places. 80 percent of places I work at, I dont come across that so that is the good news. I see this website speaks of women but TRUST ME men are jeaslous too. I have worked in both type of environments with women or with all men. I am married and a guy may like you but you’re not interested. He gets pissed and spread rumors about you and I am not talking about a young guy but someone over 50 yrs of age lol. The fact is these people are unhappy with themselves and they want to bring you down so you can be miserable too (misery loves company). Goin to uppermanagement or HR doesn’t help but makes the situation worse. It is difficult to find management who is empathetic to others. Most people do not have that trait sadly. Fighting back by currsing them out makes their lies look “true” about you or whatever defamatory comments are being made. The only solution is to document, pray, and let God handle your battles and find a new job. You’re in a loose loose situation 9/10 times and GOd may have something better for you in store.

    * Keep ya head up**

  116. “I read all this in tears. I just went through all this in the workplace recently. I just can’t understand WHY people don’t befriend me. I’m a great worker, compassionate, willing to help out, but when we walk to lunch together, no one ever walks with me. I started staying behind to warm up my lunch in the office microwave before heading down. I am embarrassed and hurt.
    When I started the job, I knew some seemed jealous that I caught on so quickly and my boss praised me in front of others. I have gained and am heavier, but still attractive and always dressed more professional than others, but it made me feel better.
    While I feel some coworkers liked me and even envied me, they never really became a “friend”. Coworkers wouldn’t say hello to me and made subtle inuendos at me. I finally could take no more and quit. This experience had made me fear to work anywhere again cause I can never win with these types of people. No one gave me a goodbye card, outing, nothing. I was humiliated.
    Thanks sooo much for everyone sharing. I don’t feel so all alone. Hopefully I will gain some social confidence in the future. I avoid most people now and am beginning to seek counseling.”

    Aw, E I’m so sorry this happened to you. But YOU now have the power to EMpower yourself and learn from their mistakes of mistreating you. They have no right to treat you badly because of their insecurities. There are alot of YouTube tutorials/Series on Bullying, Emotional Vampires and Narcissists in the workplace, they helped me and I hope you take a look at these videos. My best to you Hun.!

  117. Well, unfortunately I am in exactly the same situation, although I don’t claim it’s necessarily jealousy or that they’re threatened of my/your success and competitive and BULLIES. Yes, they are definately bullies. They mistake our kindness/meekness/sensitivity as weakness. They are wrong. They are fearful. Of what- who knows. But that does not give them a free pass to take us down or bully us! I believe we are dealing with Narcissists/Narcissistic Personality Disordered toxic girls (not women because their mentality is that of a twelve year old). I have done my homework on the Narcissist and NPD, Bullies/Bullying in the Workplace, Emotional Vampires, and Nasty coworkers (Google). I’ve been researching Narcissists for over a year now after I was Googling “Bullies”. My stepmother and stepsister are bullies/Narcissists and I couldn’t put a name on it until I read about NPD. I’ve always thought I was the crazy one- “Too Sensitive”- (as they like to put it), and I blamed myself for their craziness. It’s NOT your fault!!!! I cannot stress this enough! It is THEM. They are pathological liars, bullies and Emotional Vampires (Google it or go on YouTube, search for “Emotional Vampires/Narcissists/Bullies.) Keep doing your research and you will find your answer, your truth. Best of luck to you, I know exactly how you feel. But you don’t have to put up with them anymore. Do whatever you need to do to RUN very fast in the other direction of Narcissists and Bullies. They do not change! They don’t believe anything is remotely wrong with them and their behavior. They’re delusional and sick.

  118. Mean girls suck. The fat girl on the playground who hates the cheerleaders grows up to be the fat girl on the playground who still hates the cheerleaders even if you are cheering on their team. Give them a bit of power and a fan club and their pride exacerbates their insecurity. There is nothing you can do if you are better looking, smart and competant and God forbid anyone should compliment you to your boss. You’re screwed. Best advice: get a new job, get a new boss…preferably work for a secure man.

  119. Fallina:
    ” There is nothing you can do if you are better looking, smart and competant and God forbid anyone should compliment you to your boss. You’re screwed. Best advice: get a new job, get a new boss…preferably work for a secure man.”

    Yep, it’s crazy. I actually work for a rich man who is just like his bully employees. Misery loooves company!

  120. I found this story after researching the term “why coworks ignore my emails”. I am an introvert, and I have always believed that working hard would pay off above mingling and chit chatting with co-workers about non-sense. But I find since I have not partook in such events now I am an outcast, I get laughed at, my e-mails get ignored, if I am late it is made a big deal of, my managers always pick on me, its like I feel like what did I do to deserve this, why am I so unlucky that this has to happen to me, there are days that I am completely down in the dumps, and seriously I just hate my life and I want to die. I guess today is one of those days.

  121. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back often!

  122. Thank you for this post. I have been in a very similar situation. I never realized how vindictive and low people can act until I experienced bullying and harassment first-hand at work. The truth will be spoken. My advice: continue working hard and don’t second-guess yourself around people who attempt to bring you down by criticism or slanderous activity. Show the company/world what you have to offer because you are worth it.

  123. I am sad and so sorry to inform you of this, but this very well may follow you to ever job you ever go to. The bullying started far me in high school. I grew up being physically abused. My self esteem was horrible. I could not even look in the mirror at myself for many years. I simply washed my face, brushed my teeth and put my hair back in a pony tail. When the girls in high school began laughing at me for no reason, doing mean things to, I figured it was because i was simply a loser. I had no idea that i was, well, I was attractive and had and still do at the age of 49 a very good figure. I work at this. The jealousy from women only grew to become much worse with each job I had. It was the same story. Being ignored when I would ask a question, being laughed at when I would walk by. Being sabatoged by co workers. The problem was made unbearable by my female bosses. They were the same as the others. In every instance I was hired by a man but my immediate supervisor was always a women except one time. That one time, i was fired because I would not sleep with the man. Of course, other excuses were given. It has been two days and i just lost a new job which I loved with all my heart because I was working my passion. It was with animals. I had taken all I could take after 6 weeks of being belittled, laughed at, harrassed and lied about from a co worker. I ended up going off the deep end on her. I am very chirstian, but it took every inch of my being not to physically assault and hurt her. Of course, my boss, did not even have the decency to call me to fire me.
    She texted my friends cell phone to do so. I have dealt with this same story all of my life. My depression became so bad and i became suicidal to the point in my life that 5 years ago, I was placed on ssdi for major depressive recurrent due to cause and effect of things that i have been thru in my life. I still try and work part time. The story remains the same. Next attempt at work will be to work for and with men only.

  124. Just following up on the comments. Bottom line, you may never know what is in the hearts and minds of coworkers who behave like barnyard animals. All you know is that their behavior is disgusting and makes you uncomfortable. Corporate America can often be a sick place to work, corporate cultures can literally catch cultural illnesses, and can make them awful places to work.

    If a single coworker is making you uncomfortable, it’s perfectly all right to ask “Is there anything wrong? I’ve been sensing some tension, is everything ok?” Their answer will tell you something.

    Life is much too short to remain in a hostile, toxic atmosphere. We all have a right to work at jobs where we feel welcome and appreciated. Those jobs are out there. If you are in a bad work situation, brush up on those resume skills, use the numberous job board websites (like careerbuilder and monster) to post your credentials, and consider hiring a career coach to help you transition to your next opportunity. There is NOTHING wrong with finding a better place to work.

    My last job was a nightmare, and my current job is the exact antidote to that job. There is no better revenge than to move on, live well, and leave the fools to their foolishness, and to drive each other mad. Rise above, carry on, and don’t let them suck you into their childish worlds.

    Good luck.

  125. I am attractive also and a hard worker. I have excellent work ethics;always there,work holidays and sometimes through my break. There are half of the women in my office tearing me down. It happens on a consistent basis. The supervisors know but;they do nothing. Sometimes these jealous co-workers will wonder and socialize and it’s usually backstabbing and about me and they’re not there to work. The supervisors see this going on and they do nothing! I also have a neighbor who constantly watches me and makes digs every time I step out of my apartment. I am “happily single” and very independant and my neighbor does’nt know a thing about me who is making the digs and she just had a baby;she is also only 33 years old and I am 52 years old. Wierd. I had to call the police on her once and when they went to her house she denied the allegation. She still continues to drive past my apartment,make digs and watch me. I feel like a prisoner in my own apartment. This has been going on for a year now. I confronted the woman next to me and she got friendly with the jealous neighbor instead of helping me out! The woman next to me is in her late 50’s and single. I just don’t understand. I’ve tried being friendly to both of them. I need some help with all of this. My guess is that if someone cuts you down consistently they feel a need to be superior to others;it’s a form of control. A stable person would be in control of their actions and their words.Why would people want constant drama in their lives like this???…My guess is they want to vent their bitterness onto you. I’ve completley ignored this woman and the neighbor who became friends with her but;it still continues and they both look for trouble. I go out more now than I used to. My home is my sanctuary. Does anyone have more helpful advice for me???…

  126. Nancy, I feel your misery. My home is also my sanctuary. Sadly, I have even had that taken from me by a jealous apt. manager. This is the truth. Her boyfriend was a police officer. She made up terrible lies about me, she had her boyfriend and partner come banging on my door, forcing their way in on me, would not allow me to dress as I was in my panties and t shirt without a bra. They said there was a rumor I was dealing dope. Crazy and stupid. Im no drug user and had not even one visitor besides my mom the 6 months I had been there. This escalated to her calling and lying to animal control that my precious pit bull was trying to attack another person, but that person had left. They too actually came to my home. Please dont anyone say, you could fight this behavour. I tried, took her to court and lost my case and was sued for the remainder of rent that I owed because she evicted me for no reason. Just made up lies. To Scoot, yes we should move on to another job, the problem is these days that very hard to do. Jobs are not easy to find, especially ones that one can support ones self. As far as your suggestion of sitting down and trying to reason with these people. Forget that. They are liars and will deny all their actions. I think somehow, someway we need to find a way to have a law passed about this. It has the same impact as a child being bullied in school. Except as an adult, it could ruin our entire means of supporting ourself, our families. As far me, I am going to begin to take tape recorders on any job I have in the future. I have had enough of these insecure, lying, sick people.

  127. Oh and Alexia, you are one of the jealous women. They are easy easy to spot, your jealous. Start a trend, go get some help. Brighten ones day instead of leasing all your insecurities out on other women. The one thing the victims do have, and that is knowing what a fool women like you make of their own self. You fool no one.

  128. Hi everyone,
    Having a hard time as I should be at work, but as I stated earlier, I lost that job due to completely going off on a woman that would not let up on her belittling me. I need advise from those of you that are Christian.
    I am very disappointed in myself. I know that I have the Holy Spirit guiding, leading and directing me. Regardless that I have expierenced torment most of my life from jealous women, I feel as if I failed God for reacting the way I did. I also lost my job because of it. Can anyone give me any words that may help me. I should have been able to give this to God instead of reacting physically.

  129. WOW! I’m new to this post please excuse typos since I am on a cellphone. I have worked in large corporate companies since 1986….having 24 yrs in my current job. I see a drastic change how BOTH men and women are running the “stabb you in the back” gauntlet. It’s all about office politics and eliminating perceived competition for the next round of layoffs. One note of consolement is that I’ll bet that the original Mgrs involved with the initiation of this post are most likely NOT employed by that firm.
    To survive all the BS crap and games always remember you are there for the$. Then keep a journal and document EVERYTHING that occurs. in a handwritten notebook.
    I’ve seen alot in my time in corporate companies and have battled against extremely adverse situations. My advice is to manually document all experiences and statements directed to you that make you feel harrased or uncomfortable. Most of the time, by doing this gives you the outlet to reflect and strengthen your confidence to address your conflict headon. Best of luck to all.

  130. Tess,
    I do not think you quite understand. The situations posted here are not simply rectified by keeping notes and remembering you are there to make money. When others that you work with do not go to work to do their jobs. They go to work to destroy yours. If you had truly been through what I and many others have been through you would not have suggested simply keeping notes. Who are we suppose to give our notes to. The supervisors whom either do not care, or are the same way. Are we suppose to sue for on the job bullying received from jealous women. There is no such law. I believe you think we have little intelligence. This is not just a little sticks and stones may break my bones, type of situation. Forgive me, but you have no idea what you are talking about.

  131. Ruby Rea
    Sorry my post does not directly relate to you. I’ve experienced many of the hostile, vindictive and disgusting situations shared by many of these authors in my past and am currently going thru a new horrible situation. Thank you for belittling my contribution. I posted to not only help myself muster the strength to face the new hostilities I’m confronted with but also share what helped in the past. PEACE.

  132. Thanks for so many stories shared they have been real helpful. I am going through-= the same thing as all you are in the work place. I recently got promoted to an assistant manager at my job and shortly after I have been told am the biggest downfall of the company. I have been doing the same job I always have with a few more responsibilities added of course. I did those assignments before my promotion as well and was always told I did a great job. Now all of a sudden nothing I do is right. So what are you supposed to do in a situation like that? It’s not an easy answer. I can’t go to my boss since she’s in on the bullying and i don’t trust anyone over her to go to with this, so i’m stuck dealing with this on my own there. I have crew coming and telling me of what’s being said and done while i’m not there. It’s so over whelming anymore that I am going crazy with it all. I’m dumfounded by everything. So I’m looking for another job atm. It just stinks that I worked so hard to get where I’m at and now I have to start all over. Sorry for being longwinded telling my story. But I had to tell someone.

  133. “I am a hard worker, and Heaven forbid that I happen to be attractive too.”

    A hard worker and attractive? Well, I would consider you for a position in my company.

    “I bend over backwards trying to please these people.”

    Well, bend over forwards for me and you’ll please me every time.

  134. I wish that women like this will get punished. They always make it seem like you are crazy when you’re trying to express yourself about how almost every ugly or overweight sorry excuse for a human being treats you like crap. I strongly dislike them, but everyone, even management believe all of the lies they tell . These women do everything in their power to defame your character and the ones that you think are your friends in the workplace back stab you the most! It hurts! I am waiting for their day to feel the pain and disrespect that I feel when they are so hateful to me. I always have been a hard worker and working hard has always been in my nature and these women seem to hate me for it. I always try to understand their actions and when they make little smart and belittling comments to me I ask why they feel that way and they never can give me any reason. Any reason that makes sense anyway. They say things like “we have to watch you” and I respond well what do you mean and they never can tell me. Then, I know for sure I am not doing anything wrong to make them treat me the way they do.
    I have always been the type of person who have always been open to people telling me how they feel about me. I want to know because if i rub you the wrong way then you should let me know. Otherwise, I will see you as a jealous mean person with no morals. Especially, if you have a whole bunch of people following your lead when they know absolutely nothing about me. I dont understand and the saddest part about it is that these women are old! Like really? These women range from about 30 to 60 years old smh.
    Some days when I walk through the door i get really sad and my facial expressions and actions sometimes show it the days when they really try to pick on me. They always seem to pick on me more when I have done something really well at work and got recognize for it. I am always the last to know when I did something well. The days when they are really mean to me I know I am doing something right. Then, there are days when they seem like they want to be nice and I know they have done something to try to embarass or hulimiate me. Its sad that people come to work acting like animals with no self-control. I rather work with wild animals then to work with savages like them who does not seem to have a conscious and who are so bitter and are unhappy with their own life and try to make my life a living hell. Whatever goes around comes around. I am waiting for their day and I may or may not be there that long to see it but i sire hope i do. It will make me feel sooo good inside to see evil women get a taste of their own medicine :)

  135. Tina,
    Understand that these women are really getting theirs every day. They are miserable little beings that have to live with themselves everyday.
    You must know that they are as miserable with themselves as they try and make us. That sometimes is little satisfaction when we are going through the reality that these little snail like so called women make for us in our workplace. I have prayed and prayed for my temper to be in check, however I have gone through this all my life and can take no more. I therefore am fired from any job I get for being violent. This is because onece i get enough, I completly go off. I hate that but enough is enough. I will start carrying a recorder and at least i will have some evidence of what is going on. Prayers and peace be with you.

  136. Thank you all this has been a comfort to me - I am experiencing exactly the same with over weight, divorced co workers. Such Bad experiences can create bias and bad things in us - this is unfortunate. My mother reminded me; “…now make sure you don’t think everyone over weight and divorced is mean.” Advice I keep in check. Social confidence as Angela mentioned, is not always an easy thing to attain — my encouragement would be to find people who don’t treat you badly. Good job seeking council…why should you isolate because of evil people. Don’t let them have the victory. I can have a tendancy to isolate too, but God has opened a door for me with a group of people - a large group of my family. They treat me fairly. I’m not sure how many of you are Christians - some of the above sounds like good old fashioned persecution - to you I say GOOD JOB you’ve upset the heathen! Just goes to show if you excersise good work ethics and strive to be your best the haters will come out. Even if you are not a Christian when you live out a good life before others you serve as a conviction. Get the whole package; accept Christ as Savior and stand on his word: Lord, you said if my enemy comes at me from one direction you’ll scatter him in seven! No joke, God will do it. You can’t claim his promises if you don’t live his life style and surrender your heart to a God who can crush those rascals. No I’m not mean, but I’ve watched as one of my co workers who lied about me has had one major disaster after another….Don’t mess with Christian as victim. A Big Jewish God walks with them…its just a matter of time GOD WILL TAKE the haters out. Just think you got the look and the ethic YOU WIN!!!! Don’t isolate - Fuel up for more success

  137. U r just in a wrong group …u havent met the right people..join some sports group ,spiritual group,gym club,biker club ..keep looking and kisten to joyce meyer….worrk tobe happy..there is a lot of group out there…..

  138. u need to join other group –sports club,tennis club,work part time somewhere ,bike club ,spiritual club,listen to joyce meyer ….do not lose r not alone

  139. the problem with you broads is you’re too busy trying to be people pleasers and and friendly with everyone, when in reality the work place people respect TOUGHNESS.. RESILIENCE… people dont like you at work? so ****ing what, that means your doing a goob job… some skank snickers at you when you walk by? practice your ****in poker face in the mirror for a few minutes every morning and give that bitch the most evil penetrating glare in the world everytime she walks by, one that says ill murder you when we step outside, thatll quell that **** real fast… some bitch wont say good morning to you? GOOD, you be a dick too dont ****ing say good morning to anyone just ****in come in clock in and sit the **** down and start working and be sure to always keep that poker face on… try to go through the work day without mingling with ANYONE… just be stuck in your ****ing work, people respect that…. the truth is you shouldnt be trying to make friends at work anyway… since once either of you dont work there anymore you cease becoming friends.. and also the more ‘friends’ you have at work the more you have to waste time keeping up frilly relationships that take time away from WORKING… all in all, the mindset you should have at work is NONE of these backstabbing ****s like me in the first place so why even bother being friendly, just be a dick and try to outwork people as much as possible, and make sure your boss sees the results, if your boss knows your the biggest assest on his team then what ****ing difference does it make that the bottom feeding refuse dont like you?
    im a man in my 20’s and i work in nyc politics, and i assure you here the kid gloves must always be off… if you cant deal with people not liking you in the work place maybe you should be a missionary instead….

  140. I am 26 and have felt the harshness of jealous co workers. I am a confident lady, but I’m not cocky or high and mighty about myself… yet some women at work, well several, have tried to make me feel like I’m a stranger or a weirdo. One lady ignores me when I say hello to her and another had randomly told me that i’m starving away like her elderly chihuahua, though I have a very healthy thin body, not all skin and bones.

    Those comments I have indeed “let go” and didn’t let bother me aside from those stationary, isolated incidents. Yet there is a boss who is very rude and darn right condescending towards me. It doesn’t help that she is my age and single and she knows I’m in a happy relationship… not that I brag about it but she has seen my boyfriend and I shopping together before and looked like she was going to vomit from envy. Even my boyfriend said she gave me a weird vibe as she passed by us; which made me realize I wasn’t exaggerating or delusional to the situation. Yet again, I can let that one go for the most part.

    The one person that bothers me most at work is a girl who is five or six years younger than me… the funny thing is she is tall, blonde, blue eyed, gorgeous, etc… yet she is jealous of ME, not the other way around. I am attractive too, but mostly outgoing and customers always compliment me on how helpful and kind I am towards others. She gets sooo very jealous of this attention I get (and deserve) from customers. She has good looks and that is as far as it goes for her. She is very self absorbed and not very compassionate to most people.

    Okay, to make a long, long story a little shorter (sorry ladies I need to vent! I have kept this to myself long enough and it does present an emotional toll after a while) this co worker of mine has gone out of her way to shun me. It all started out fine. We hit it off and had fun laughing and working together for a couple months. We even had lunch together outside of work a few times and went shopping as well. We told each other secrets and I fully trusted her in fact. There is a lesson learned.. NEVER tell a co worker any secrets about yourself, most of the time it will backfire, esp if they develop jealousy towards you in the future!

    So after a few months of feeling confident with being her friend and co worker, something changed one day. I can’t even pin point it at all, which is the most upsetting part of this whole deal. I was always friendly and kind to her and adored her. When I started dating a very handsome and charming man a year ago (we are even talking marriage currently!), she became a little jealous. Okay, really jealous. He would come into work to say hi to me now and then and she would roll her eyes us. She once ran up to him and hugged him and didn’t even say hi to me until I said hi to her first. Her attempt to make me jealous I suppose, but it didn’t work, just annoyed me. I wasn’t worried about him wanting her since I know I am way better of a person than her mentally, though she may excel on the looks department. Looks are only skin deep to me, of course. Well anyway, she now ignores me as much as possible, she acts distant towards me and even went around saying a few false rumors about me. One of my co workers even told me about her deceitful rumors concerning me.

    So I decided to be the sweet person I am and tried to make her jealousy of me lessen. First, I asked her if I did anything wrong to upset her and that I was sorry if I indeed had. She said I needed to stop acting so bubbly because it seemed fake, but other than that she didn’t have a problem with me. I am a naturally bubbly, outgoing person, by the way and am happy with how I act.

    The second attempt to neutralize the situation was I started to avoid talking about my happy relationship with my man. Also, I would compliment her if she was wearing a great outfit, and I even took her out to lunch and paid for her food. She seemed grateful at the time. But then the same crap started back up again and her jealousy took over. She got angry at me for no reason SEVERAL times in a months time span. She was mad when she found out I made plans to go to the Holiday party with another co worker. I would have went with her if she were not acting so rude towards me. She then got angry at me for not staying after to help her with her work load. I had worked a double shift that day and was exhausted. As my shift was ending, she had just clocked in to begin her shift. She knew I had been there for so many hours and still wanted me to stay and help her. I told her politely that I was clocking out for the night… and then she ran up to me as I was walking away and yelled at me for “having an attitude” which I know I didn’t have one at all. I told her she took it wrong and that I simply just wanted to go home and rest up after a long day and didn’t want to argue with her. That pissed her off and she sent me a serious of texts about how rude I was and how I need to grow up. I ignored the texts and that just angered her worse that she couldn’t get a rise out of me. I’m a mellow, calm person. I don’t anger easily. The list of her rudeness goes on…

    Once again I tried to be the good gal and thought of a way to make her happier around me. I suddenly realized she had been single for a few months so I thought about what single guy I could introduce her to. I remembered an old friend of mine from my last job… he is handsome, a master’s degree grad, now employed as an engineer, and I figured he would adore her since she is so pretty and also majoring in biology (which is a passion of his too). I liked this guy but we were always just friends, so I called him up and told him all about her, just the good stuff. I respectfully didn’t mention to him what a bitch she is towards me at work. He was thrilled. He had been single for a couple months as well, as cute as he is! So I gave him her number and he had the guts to call her. She was excited when she met him. She told me how gorgeous he is and how they hit it off so well. Now they are exclusively dating. yet she never once thanked me for introducing her to him and she still avoids me and is secretive with me. When I asked her how it’s going with this guy, she avoids the topic and will just be short breathed with her responses. I have seen them together and they look so happy so why is she stillllll jealous of me I keep wondering?

    The most recent incident is she saw me at work and walked up behind me. Once she realized it was me, she walked the other way thinking I wouldn’t notice, but I turned around and saw her dart the other direction from me. It hurt my feelings. I have been nothing but sweet to her and never rude to her. I don’t plan on leaving my job anytime soon and either does she. I am basically stuck with her for the time being. I can’t tell a manager or that will just make things worse because at my job, if you tell the HR that a co worker is being mean to you, they usually tell the mean co worker you told on them… which leads to more drama. What can I say to her to stop this problem without making her furious… she is a ticking time bomb around me. I have to be selective with my words because she is always looking for an excuse to get on the defense with me and always thrilled for the next confrontation. I’m getting bummed out to work with her. Starting to dread the work day knowing she might be working the same shift. Not sure what to do at this point. I’ve exhausted efforts of trying to kill her with kindness. That hasn’t worked, in fact, has made her act worse around me. And being a bitch back to her is what I know she is craving, so I don’t want to give her that satisfaction or an excuse to get me in trouble with the bosses. advice anyone?


  141. Oh by the way, I feel for all of the women on here who have posted their jealous co worker stories. thanks for sharing! It’s not easy to deal with, I know. Venting about it does help and it’s also nice to know we are not alone on this issue! I forgot to mention in my post how this co worker of mine glares at me when I walk by her and also snickers at me when I walk passed her sometimes. She has also told me I am “pale” and look lethargic, as well as insulting a few outfits I wore to work, even though I know for a fact that they were very flattering, professional work outfits. I wonder if all these jealous women we deal with can sleep at night knowing what bitches they are? I can’t relate to her or any jealous lady! I am happy for people who are prettier, smarter, or more successful than me… being jealous of people is a waste of time and is emotionally unhealthy, in my opinion.


  142. I had a good friend when I was young…she was stunningly beautiful….it was downright pathetic how mean and bitchy the other girls in school were to her…she was sweet and sincere…I always hated the way she was treated and thought it reflected on them instead of her…

  143. I have so much to say on this topic as I’ve also dealt with it. All I can say is clearly we are not alone in this. It is the new path toward true female self-empowerment that nobody told us about. It is the issue we were gonna have to deal with that no one educated us on how to do, cuz we’re still learning how to truly be fully empowered and feel ok about it. After all as women, we’re supposed to be supportive of each other, right? Wrong, when you’re dealing with these women. And trying to downplay who you are to make them feel better is not only hurting you, but not doing them any favors either. We have to show them what it looks like to be strong, bold and still kind, not overly kind to them, per se especially when they are being jerks to us but we don’t have to be nasty and turn into one of them - a thought all of them would only relish. But as the leaders of true female empowerment, we must stand strong and yes alone, but know that we have each other. We can support each other. Here’s a link that I think provides the answer, check it out ladies, even Alexa might find it helpful:).!

  144. Sam, you nailed it. I’m so glad I found this site. This is the third or fourth job I’ve had where this has happened & I was starting to wonder what the heck was wrong with me! One time it was a man who was jealous of me but all the other times it has been women. I unfortunately do happen to be somewhat attractive so that only adds to my burden, & I truly mean that! I often wont even wear makeup to work so I can look like crap! LOL!
    I am also very outgoing & have a good wit so I wonder if that is mistakenly viewed as attention-getting & therefore one more reason to hate me. I dunno, I just love to laugh & get others to laugh too…is that so wrong?
    But I LOVE people & get along with almost everyone, just like the rest of you gals. I also work extremely hard, putting in hours off the clock, doing whatever my boss asks of me without complaint, helping my coworkers whenever possible, & taking good care of customers, etc.
    In my past jobs, the enmity was obvious. In my current one, this vixen is a master of disguise. She is sweet to my face, talking & laughing with me in person, but complaining about me behind my back & now this week going to SENIOR mgt about me over a situation she did not even witness herself and nearly got me fired, without the mgt even HEARING my side of the story yet! (She is my assistant mgr & is “highly respected” by the senior mgt, so I’ve been told by another coworker who sees right through her, probably due to how badly she talks about us & makes us look to them in comparison to what she
    shows them about herself).
    I feel sick to my stomach over the fact that after six years of working very hard for this company & trying to prove myself to them so I can go full-time there & provide for my family as a single mom, that all that
    at could be swiped away from me in an instant without even a hearing
    due to this girl’s jealousy.

  145. Sorry,, My dear you are not alone,, start looking for another JOB. going to HR wont help, it will even make you look like a complainer,, 2moro is my last day,, to make you understand the magnitude of my haters,, I’m being called Pre-Gay,, for some reason that I had an affair with a gay man I wonder who witnessed the whole action.. LOL.. I nolonger find this hurtful as am now immune to all the mambo crap,…they throw at me…

  146. I too am experiencing this jealous type bullying in a volunteer environment. I am on the Board for a community outreach program in my county. This requires going through a training program through our governing University and receiving a certification of completion. Most of the Board are women, only 3 men reside. The men are aware of the problem but don’t want any part of it. One other woman is receiving the same hostility and bullying as I am and is resigning. I truly love this organization, but these women are self serving and mean spirited in their conduct. I have taken a leave of absence because my son has developed a very serious illness and needs me at home. I have even taken an extended leave of absence from work to be at home. I am a divorced, single parent and none of my family live in the same state. My son’s father has passed away as well and it is imperative that I help my son recover. Even though I am not at Board meetings I am still doing the book work at home, I am Treasurer and the budget and accounting sheets still need to be maintained. These women seem to have (if possible) gotten worse. I am not even around and they email me or give other members messages for me with the most hurtful tone and content. These women are early 60s and I am early 50s, this is part of the problem. I too am an attractive, confident woman with good leadership and people skills. These women are obviously jealous and try to sabotage my every project. I have heard that one of the women is talking behind my back, but I have not heard anything about the other 4 women. I have tried to ignore this situation and do work outside of this group of women, but with my son’s illness I am out of most of the work being done. This has isolated me and given the rumors a bit of a foot hold. I love this organization and the work it does but I just don’t know if I can continue under the current climate. I do not understand how these women justify their actions. There seems to be no moral compass here. Such destructive behavior. I too am seeking counseling to help me understand. It helps that there are other strong, confident, attractive women out there that experience the same problems. Keep the faith!

  147. Jenn, I would say you don’t have to be a bitch to her, but DEF have to stop being NICE! I know it hurts to lose someone you THOUGHT was a friend. But she obviously has no “friendship skills” at her disposal. If I were in your shoes, I would, by my actions, facial expressions, & body language, show her that I no longer need nor want her in my life, & that her rejection of me means absolutley NOTHING to me. That she basically has no effect on me. She is “invisible” to me. This will drive her CRAZY!!! And…should give you the upper hand. You may need to remind yourself that you really DON’T need her approval or friendliness or anything at all from her in order for u to remain happy. (I am trying this myself in my own situation, by the way). Manipulators like her lose all their power when they perceive that you no longer allow them to control your happiness anymore.
    As far as MY job, I am considering working somewhere where I no longer use my talents, OR, where mostly men work, like a car parts store or something. (How sad is it that is has come to this??). That way, if I am too bubbly & confident, & heaven forbid, “attractive,” (GASP!) they will more than likely LIKE me more than HATE me, LOL!

  148. Diane,
    I can’t imagine that this would go on in an organization that does good works. I thought those were supposed to be full of just GOOD people! What are these awful women doing there???

    I’m so sorry for all you are dealing with. You obviously don’t deserve it. Big hugs to you.

  149. Thank you Debi. It really does help to know that wonderful, strong women like yourselves are understanding this problem we have. It is hard to comprehend women doing this to each other. Don’t we have enough to contend with in the work place and within organizations to begin with. Yes a good organization should have good people who care about other people. But in my case we have a group of older women with to much time on their hands and don’t have good self esteem or self confidence either. You add the fact that they are, and look much older than me and I think that makes me a target.
    Your advice to Jen is right on target! I have done this very action with one of the Board members and yes it drove her crazy! I just can’t continue to give this any more energy, my son needs me.
    Debi, you should never hide your talents. I can understand your need to find a job that doesn’t put you in a with a group of women. Think outside of the box, can you do a job on line or one that you can work from home and only go in one a week? You obviously have a lot to offer. If we hide our talents these horrible women achieve their goals. I know we can make a difference, I have learned over the years to see these types of women right away and am able to avoid direct contact with them. This time I was blind sided because you expect a volunteer group to have better intentions. You are a kind lovely woman that the world needs!

  150. I can so relate with you ladies with bullies in the work place. I could write a book myself. Being pretty and smart is not a blessing in the work place. I have had many jobs, all because I had to get away from them, I left a good paying job due to the awfull gossip, rumors and torment. I had a group of women invite me to a “Going away party for a co-worker”, I declinded, OH NO they insisted I come, against my better judgement I went. Well they had this so called party to lynch me out of the office. They called me a bitch, whore, threatend me, telling me it would be my word against them, needless to say I got up and got the hell out of there, I was so scared. That was a Friday night. I did not return to work that next Monday, nor did I give a two week notice. Their plan worked. So many other stories I could tell. But that one was the worse. If you do try to mind your bussiness, they won’t leave you alone, they will taunt and needle you until they are satisfied they have hurt or got to you somehow. Look out don’t ever make a mistake because everyone will know, they will humiliate you any way they can. They really get off on that. The only comfort I get is”Let vengence be mine sayeth the Lord”, I really trust in that. Good luck ladies

  151. I am so sorry for all of the pain that these women have caused you Janet. I agree with you that he God will judge these women for this horrible and hurtful behavior. But we need to find a way to deal with the problems and pain this causes us in both the work place and any organization that these jealous women infiltrate. Please realize that this is not your fault and that you don’t deserve this treatment. That’s what I keep telling my self. These women are taking their own insecurities our on ladies like us. They think because you are an attractive woman that you get everything handed to you, which is ridiculous. You have to work even harder to prove yourself. Which makes these women even more jealous because it shows that you are smart as well as effcient. And so the vicious attacks can escalate. That seems to be the case for you. I am soooooo sorry. Just know that there are a lot of us out there and we are there for each other.

  152. Just in reading this, I can tell you that a lot of times, it’s a matter of everyone misunderstanding everyone. I’m someone who has no issues with jealousy, though I work with other women much more attractive than I. I’m by no means thin…on the contrary, I’ve gained quite a bit of weight over the years working long hours at the computer. But I can tell you, that some women perceive that a woman will use her physical appearance to gain an “edge” over others. Having worked around men all my life, I can say it’s much easier to work with men because they have no catty, jealous ways. A woman who was once slender and beautiful myself, I find it more comforting now to compete with the men for status and respect, than I do to have to cross the line back to competing with the gals as to who can turn the most heads in the office. And yes, I miss the person I used to see looking back at me in the mirror…but I like being recognized for talent, brains, and experience now a lot more so. Getting older has its perks as well as its downsides…fewer jealous wives of bosses and coworkers, for instance. :) Try not returning their hostility, even if you feel you’re being unjustly treated. It’s all about the competition factor…if they view you as “safe,” they’re less likely to pick on you. Sure it isn’t fair, but we all know that jealousy doesn’t play fair. I believe you when you say you’re a hard worker…I always was…but these women need to know that you’re not trying to use your looks as the edge. Doesn’t mean you have to show up looking like you’re joining the convent, but don’t show up looking like you’re going clubbing either…the message to other women is that you’re willing to show skin or whatever it takes to pass them up. Some may have just been there longer than you and fear being supplanted. And yeah, it gets ridiculous. But you and I both know that women are the toughest coworkers to get along with! Do what you must to make allies instead of enemies, and even if you feel they deserve it, never ever make them feel as if they are as you described…mean, ugly and fat. You never know what kinds of things they’re going through when they clock out. A cheating husband…biological clock ticking…fear of getting pushed aside. It’s usually a lot more eating at them than just workplace frustration. Good luck, and I believe you can conquer the meanness with a little goodwill. Hang in there! It gets better! :)

  153. I am going through some harrassment at work. I started a new job and the 3 other women in the office dont like me. I cant sleep. Here it is 5:30 in the morning and I am up stressing about it. I am young, I told them I wouldnt say how old I am but they are all close to 40. I am pretty attractive with huge breast. I get along with all the men in the office but these women not a chance. I can tell they talk about me because they dont look me in the eye. I think there mad because they can tell Im younger and we have the same position. I have worked hard with an MBA and PMP but I am not trying to outshine anyone. Im going to have a talk with them today because I am still grown and I deserve respect when they communicate with me. I dont care if they dont like me, this isnt high school. But… they will respect me. Ladies my older cousin once said…..”Its none of your business what people think of you”. Keep your head up and dont let them get the best of you. If you are the mean ugly jealous lazy bitch reading this post … “you need to get in touch with your star m$#E%^#$% player” Kat Williams.

  154. Everywhere you go as the old sayings,there always been a snake.
    May it be in the woods or in the City.
    This type of ugly behaviour was cancerous to every workplace.
    I am also hardworking person always believe in teamwork,never
    created problems to people even bosses,but then were times,that
    the in charge or bosses itself is the mobber.

    But of course,the root of this problem is always with too many women
    running around and creating their own drama,instigating problems,
    acting as a victim instead of doing the job in a professional manner.
    I oftenly ignored this kind of people,do my job and acting as if nothing the end,it’s the lost of those losers.I always left the rest
    in the heaven least my conscience is clear,and i just pray
    that this losers will get their fair share of punishment.

  155. To the comment of Alexia …. sorry but have to disagree w/ you.
    There is a reason why good women are being shunned in this Country. Women are jealous of me and it has cost me alot of time, effort and many friendships. When you smile at someone or say hi we are suppossed to just have some goodwill. Many women have to fight harder when we have been doing so for many years.

    I will let you figure out the rest. ex….. I started a new job and go into the Company cafeteria …. no one wants to let me sit with them. & yes I do look at myself in the mirror everyday. So something is wrong w/ the other person not me. just try to be friendly and do take up for myself.

  156. & to the internet guy Myron …..

    1st off I am not a broad …. am a Woman, female & lady ….

    2nd …. who are you to tell me how to be at my job for what I pray for.

    3rd …. most of my problems at work have always been bull****ters from New York.

    just take out the y and ad an o …. idiot!

  157. Update to my post: the jealous ones got my weak and mean-spirited (also jealous) boss to let me go–without cause. Then two weeks later the head biotch quit. I will never work with sick jealous women again. Now I am working with a man

  158. Perhaps this female-on-female bullying is a form of sexual harassment. After all, it’s DUE TO the fact that the target is a female, even if the bully(ies) is/are female too…

  159. TO GABRIELLE: You are really smart and have been through SO MUCH for an 18 year old! That means big things are probably on the horizon for you and God is “fast forwarding” your spiritual progress, but what a ride you have already been through! OMG! I don’t know what to say. I totally believe everything you said. It’s probably even worse than you were able to voice to us… Just keep trusting God, be nice without being a dormat (a difficult balance), keep moving forward spiritually and in your career, and hold onto your JOY. I think Satan works through willing pawns to steal our joy - which gives us our strength and he knows it - that’s why he goes after us through these bad circumstances/people. If you need to at some point, take some “mental health” time off away from it all. I hope you meet a wonderful man who is faithful and so wealthy you don’t have to put up with any catty women — unless you just want to work! You are so well versed and like you said — able to perceive things — and able to express them here, there is no doubt you have talents. Perhaps you can start a company that employs women who are NOT catty, with cameras and microphones everywhere and if any of them are caught being catty - they’re out (or forced into some counseling and allowed a chance to improve).

    Of course, MOST of these posters have had horrific things happen, it’s so hard to stop reading all these posts, but there are so many of them and the details are interesting, but so sad. I’ve gone through a lot of this myself. This is a real problem in today’s work world with women. Men benefit from all the cattiness! The are pitting us against each other, either on purpose, or society is just doing it inadvertently (or, the devil is).

    I agree that HR rarely is helpful. They usually do mislabel the victim with unfair labels and drive them away. Like some have said her, it’s easier for management to get rid of just one person (even if that person is the only one who was right). Someone said, “Being right is over rated!” I disagree. If you are a Christian and happen to be pretty and smart and funny and talented, you will be mistreated even when you are right. And if you get driven out, so be it. God can take care of you anyway. It’s better than being a doormat or a sell-out or becoming like them.

    There are so many of us. Why can’t we just all get together and start our own business together?! We will screen people and watch for cattiness and backstabbing and weed them out if they crop up. The job application and interview questionnaire will be geared toward finding women who are NOT catty. If necessary, cameras will abound at the office to eliminate the chance of cattiness. Or, maybe the company can be an ONLINE company with no physical office? And in order to get hired and “be one of us,” you have to prove you have been fired and mistreated by catty women from previous job(s)!


    8:15 a.m. - Bus Stop - Men are staring, women are glaring.

    8:16 a.m. - Boarding Bus - Men are vying to sit near her; women want to sit near her but behind her, so they can smirk and giggle and gossip with each other about her within earshot. Even the bus driver keeps looking in his rear view mirror at her.

    8:28 a.m. - Arrives at elevator. The last one in, she gets jealous stares and glares from the women already in the elevator, but she tries not to react in negative shock, and smiles warmly at everyone anyway. Elevator arrives at floor, others pile out ahead of her quickly as if she is too slow in leaving the elevator, but the door had just opened enough for her to get out. Bumping her elbow and almost making her drop her purse on their way out, she wonders, “Was that on purpose, or am I just imagining things?”

    8:30 a.m. - Arrival at work at her new job. The receptionist (whom she was introduced to on her first day by the office manager for 2 seconds) gives fake smile (teeth are smiling, eyes are not) while warmly greeting a matronly co-worker simultaneously, in thinly veiled contrast. When she notices the disparity in greeting, she looks at the Receptionist in bemusement, at which time the Receptionist’s fake smile turns into an evil smile.

    8:45 a.m. - Boss calls her into his office. Looks her over kind of creepily as he gives her an assignment. Talks to her like she has an I.Q. of 12 by stating the obvious about the assignment. “When you’re done typing this, you’ll want to print it out on copy paper and bring it into my office for my review, okay Mary Do you have any questions?” She wonders, “He must have read my resume, doesn’t he know I can do this with blinders on, in my sleep, and riding a bicycle uphill in reverse?”

    9:30 a.m. - Goes into the ladies room. Only two women are there, standing at the sink. They quickly stop talking and get that “deer in headlights look” when she walks in. Without saying hello, the women quickly exit the ladies room together. Sitting on the toilet she wonders, “I wonder why they stopped talking so quickly, am I being paranoid?”

    9:33 a.m. - Washing hands at sink, a co-worker walks up to the sink and says, “Mary, I just love your new skirt, where’d you get it?!” At Ross last weekend during their sale. “Oh, I like their housewares, but their clothes sometimes look so C H E A P L Y made… (snarky smile, exit stage left). Looks in mirror at self thinking: “Was that a real compliment?”

    11:45 a.m. - A few minutes before lunchtime, several other women are gathering near her desk in her line of sight and talking loudly about where they are going out for lunch, but none of them invites HER, even though she’s the “new girl.” She smiles at them, as they leave her behind, giggling.

    12:30 p.m. - Finally able to leave for lunch after finishing up the morning’s project for arrogant Boss. Eats in company lunchroom, alone, reading Newsweek. Then a male co-worker stops in to refill his water cup, and is not very good at hiding the fact he is straining to take a peek down her cleavage and asks her what her husband does for a living and makes chit chat and leaves. Then a female co-worker stops in, sees her reading Newsweek and slides a Glamour magazine toward her saying, “This lunchroom has a lot of other good reading to choose from, Mary!”

    1:15 p.m. - Boss walks by desk and vaguely accuses her of being late back from lunch. She feels compelled to mention she did not leave until 12:30 p.m. today, and also mentions his project is finished and sitting in his In Box. Instead of looking happy about that, he seems unhappy that she already did the project. She wonders why.

    1:30 p.m. - Having looked over her project, he calls her into his office to discuss it using a tone of voice that makes her wonder what could be wrong with the project. Although it was done perfectly and above expectations, he finds a tiny typo then implies that if her work doesn’t improve, she may find herself looking for work again soon. Then he suggests they go over some details after hours…to improve their “working relationship.” She states she would rather discuss the project during work hours, with all due respect, saying she must pick her child up from daycare.

    2:30 p.m. - Her husband calls to say he will pick up groceries after work and tells her he loves her. Immediately her Boss sticks his head out his door and acts perterbed saying she is “wasting time on a personal phone call.”

    2:32 p.m. - Another phone call, this time from the cable company to discuss a delinquent bill. She is put on hold a few times and the call takes several minutes, but her Boss does NOT stick his head out of his door regarding THIS call…

    3:30 p.m. - Company-wide email goes out saying all are to report to the conference room for a birthday celebration for an employee in 5 minutes. As she walks down the hall, the clique-y females walk in a large group and block the hall and decidedly leave her out of the mix. During the birthday celebration in the conference room, they give her “stink eye” from across the room but smile at others. She looks at the floor and wonders why they hate her so much because they haven’t even bothered to get to know her. She fakes some joy for the sake of the birthday person, as she sings Happy Birthday along with the crowd, then returns to her desk. This time the clique-y females walk behind her, giggling about something. One of the girls says, “Someone was sure off key in there!”

    5:12 p.m. - Arriving at the daycare center to pick up child, a man and wife are also picking up their child. Her child and their child are putting away the same large toy, and the husband walks up and says something to her like, “Oh, I guess both kids like that same game!” She smiles in agreement and gathers up her child’s coat and backpack and prepares to take her child home. The man’s wife suddenly approaches with a stern look on her face and says, “Let’s go honey, we have to be at the show by 6!” She thinks to herself, “Was I appearing flirtatious or something? Didn’t she see my wedding ring? Am I dressed inappropriately or something?”

    5:21 p.m. - After leaving the Park ‘n Ride, arrives at Walgreen’s for some items. Walking down a narrow aisle, 3 women are standing blocking it and looking at shampoo. As soon as they turn around and notice her, they look at her up and down cattily, then slowly and begrudgingly migrate out of her way.

    6:34 p.m. - Arriving home from Walgreen’s, her next door neighbor comes over to give her some misdirected mail. The neighbor compliments her new hairdo and asks where she got it done. She says at the mall. The neighbor says, “Oh it looks great! My husband won’t let me get my hair lightened, he likes me as a brunette! Well, I better get back home, my husband can’t stand to have me out of his sight! Bye!” Putting the key in the door, she wonders, “Did I say I didn’t like her hair as a brunette? And why does she need to point out that her husband loves her, he married her didn’t he?”

    7:15 p.m. - Short jog for exercise in the neighborhood. Car full of young men goes by yelling cat calls and a few degrading names.

    7:45 p.m. - Arrives home from jog. Husband asks, “Honey, how was your run?” Not wanting to burden him with her jogging woes, she says, “Oh, great honey, nice to get some fresh air…”

    8:45 p.m. - Check email online, pay a bill, then look at MSNBC article about reporter who says that she is mistreated because of her beauty. Intrigued, she reads some Comments by vitrioloc people who deny that ever happens… She thinks, “If they only knew. I won’t waste my breath commenting though.”

    9:30 p.m. - Pillow talk with hubbie. “How is the new job going?” he asks. I like it a lot, it’s just that some of the girls haven’t warmed up to me yet. Hubbie suggests, “Well maybe try being as friendly as possible and just give it time.” She thinks to herself, “That’s all I’ve been doing already!”


    6:15 a.m. - Alarm goes off - another beautiful day in the neighborhood ahead…


  161. I thought that I was the only one going through this. I’m very hardworking, positive and take care of myself, and I’m always getting attacked by these women. I cannot get it because they behave as if I have done something wrong to them. I even go out of my way to open up to them, and I can see that they do not want to let me in. My supervisor is one of these women, she bullied me and then took my job away and gave it to someone from her country. I’m currently unemployed and I’m a single mother of two and its very hard for me because you cannot collect unemployment if you were employed by this organization. Some people are telling me to go to the Director and complain about this women, and these are some of the same women who was so mean to me. I do not want to complain because if I complain it might limit my chance of getting employment in another area of the organization.

  162. It amazes me that so many women are targets of ugly, jealous, catty hags. I’ve been thrown under the bus by older, pathetic hags my whole life, but have had fair bosses that ignored those bitches. However, I currently have a catty, mean gay boss whose favorite employee happens to be a catty, mean, hag. Needless to say, she is trying to get me fired. Should I mention that she has no degree, is short, fat, & slutty and I have a doctorate, makes everyone around laugh with my sense of humor, and used to model? Gee Alexia get a life. I’m so sick of Alexia-type “women”. I never acted like I was “all that” and never “flaunted” anything. If women are so jealous of other women who are better than them then get a ****ing degree or two, lose some ****ing weight, and get some plastic surgery.

  163. With me I am not that attractive but my co-w0rkers does not want to be my friend because I am happily married and always change cars to work whereas I earn a little money. I am not that attractive yet my husband treat me like queen. The way I deal with jealous coworkers I ignore any rude comments that they do and I always tell myself that there is no need for me to entertain the devil”s way of stealing my hapiness whereas god has blessed me this much, I always choose to focus on what god has blessed me with than to focus on a stupid critisism.jealousy makes people to be nusty,the best way to deal with it is tell yourself that no one own you except god and nusty comments won’t stop god from blessing you. Live everyone of them in god’s hand,the battle is not yours it belongs to god.

  164. I am being harassed at work too…I am in a large department and am one of seven people doing the same job. I came in at the highest ranking due to credentials, and am at the same level as the one employee who has been there the longest, who is the most respected by everyone in the company.

    The other five HATE me, and also hate the long timer, but are smart enough not to harass her. They ignore me, yell at me, humiliate me in front of others, laugh at me to my face etc. We are professionals in a respected company. Finally one day I just broke down and had to tell one of our bosses. Thank goodness she believed me.

    I also want to say that ALL I want to do is to do a good job, focus on my job, and I do have a high work ethic (I got a great review). I can only assume that it is resentment or jealously. I am honestly not provoking this. It is so hurtful to be treated like this. I would like to be liked and respected by my small group within the department but this is not the case. I am SO HURT.

    The ringleader of the bunch is now spreading rumors about me to “watch out” for me, now that the company, and human resources, is onto her. Some people seem to believe it. A lot of people are staying clear of me I think because they are afraid of the ringleader and her group. I am so glad to find this website but so sorry to hear how common this issue is. Best of luck to all of you out there. Luckily I have a good group of friends outside of work, and have a strong faith to rely on. It helps.

  165. TO SARAH:

    I’m sorry that you are going through this; I’m sure it’s true. The important thing is that HR understands it and has also given you a good review.

    I wonder about the “ringleader” in that for her to continue to be part of the department or company, she must have some pull with someone in power there, otherwise the company would have let her go by now. There are plenty of good potential employees out there looking for work, and there just isn’t any reason for a company to keep someone on board who causes trouble. The fact that she has enough pull to cause others who aren’t even part of her group to follow her lead in “steering clear of you,” shows that she is getting support from somewhere. It may only be one person, or it may be a SITUATION. IOW, she may have a potential cause of action (litigation) against the firm due to a blunder by someone else from the past, or she may be part of a protected class and has demonstrated a willingness to take legal action if she is ever let go. A company isn’t going to keep someone around who stirs up trouble, creates a close following (her group) who does what she says, and even has enough pull to cause those who aren’t in her group to follow her “instructions.” So I wonder who or what is bolstering her boldness there. It may be interesting (and valuable) someday to become privy to what us going on under the radar regarding her.

    In any event, who says it’s a bad thing if people avoid you (even if it’s out of a non-valid fear)? At least they won’t be yelling at you, humiliating you or laughing in your face anymore. Like you said, you will just have to get your social connections outside of work, which is often the case with those in power in any organization. You don’t usually see them palling around closely with underlings much anyway (I know you said you are all doing the same job — but that you are at a higher ranking). Perhaps some of them sense your need and desire to be liked and respected, and therefore they are purposefully not giving that to you in order to make you uncomfortable, because they are insecure. If you can show them you are less concerned about their approval (without being mean), remain professional and respectful of their role at the company, perhaps they will back down a bit.

    You will have to get over wanting and needing approval from others at work. That doesn’t mean you should be rude or uncaring toward them or dismiss them as if they are unimportant, but their approval of YOU is not a requirement for you to feel okay at work. Since you are a person of faith, learn to exercise your faith in God for wisdom about how to deal with challenges at work, and how to overcome your need for the “approval of man” at work in such a way that you are kind to and value others at work (the love walk) but yet don’t allow their behavior and their apparent insecurities to rule your emotions and feelings. Try to show them Godly love, while knowing they will probably stoop to just about anything (little Judases) out of their own insecurities. If you are emotionally prepared IN ADVANCE for their likely mistreatment of you, you may be less likely to get upset about it when it happens, and continue to treat them as you would like to be treated.

    I suppose it’s good that HR has seen your situation and is happy with your work, but do not over-use your communications or complaints with HR, lest they get weary of defending you. Sometimes HR departments will deem it easier to get rid of the squeaky wheel (even if the squeaky wheel is RIGHT) rather than clean house of several employees. HR does not want to be burdened with personal personnel issues, and I’m sure they feel somewhat helpless regarding them anyway. They probably hope that you will develop a thick skin and strategies to deal with these folks on your own, as long as you don’t do it in a way that exposes the company to litigation.

    Sometimes Joyce Meyer (the Christian teacher) says, “New Level - New Devil.” What she means is when we get a bigger blessing, then sometimes we have to deal with some larger challenges for awhile. But if we handle those challenges correctly, I think that we can overcome them, or at least they will lose their power to upset us anymore.

  166. I deal with this also, but I haev never known what to do to prevent this from happening. I have even been low key in an office, but it still happens.

  167. I just found this and I am glad I did. I know exactly what these people are talking about and I worked a position for seven years. Four or more of those years I was bullied, by my bully boss, her bully secretary, and a bully peer.The behavior got out of hand. I had had enough reported my experience and had documentation to show the proof of what happened and was happening to me. Well then I ws informed that I ” needed a fresh start” in a new office, but same department. This goes on many times and people do not report for fear of being labeled, or deemed trouble- maker . That person Alexia is a prime example for such people existing. SHe more than likely is one of those hollier than though bullies, that were and are old school trouble maker. I did not know that other existd. I am a member of a site that is linked to congress. Google the site on bullying and congress and it will come up. This has to stop. This chanegd me and my whole outlook. I used to go home upset due to the bully boss, harrassing me, taking me in her office on more than one occassion to berate me for no good reason that she could even fire me, she just did it and I was not her first victim. In the end before my transfer , at a meeting with the union she actullay informed me she could fire me if she desired…. the nerve that she would make such a statement, and even lied to the union, when the facts were on paper. It really needs to be a law created for such acts. I am a hard working will go the mile and did my best. The union knew she would slip up even more sooner or later, but I would not wait on later. I had to have the heat turned up under her to get out from under her office.

  168. All of you that have been targeted for being competent and attractive -I am a health professional and will be starting a support group regarding this issue
    Leave a name and email where I can get in touch with you.

    best regards

  169. Dear Charlotte

    I do not know if this is a true response to be supportive to women that have posted here or if you are making fun of something, that truly exist but had rarely been addressed in the work place.

  170. Hi. I’m new to this site. Makes me feel better to read these comments. I’m somewhat new to my job (4 months.) My two immediate co-workers really don’t like me. Everyone else in the office is great, so is my boss. My boss hires junior position people to grow with this evolving up and coming company. Thus, he hired me, with less experience. My two immediate co-workers must disagree with that philosophy. I was excited about my new job. But when I come in in the morning and say hello and how was your weekend, they ignore me. Its weird and at first, only hurt my feelings. Lately its gotten worse. They don’t assign me very much work, they get bothered when I ask questions. They are short and cold to me. My boss says to ask clarification when I don’t understand things, but they give poor clarification. I’m in the junior spot, which is fine, I’m happy with that, but little mistakes that I make get over exaggerated and nobody moves forward. I never felt like a stupid person until I started this job. These mean women have really stolen my confidence. I regret leaving my last job where I was respected by my coworkers. Not sure what to do. I need a paycheck, health insurance. I don’t like to bounce from job to job. What do I tell a future employer if he asks me “why was I at this job for only 4 months?” I come home and tell my boyfirend about the bullying. He’s getting sick of hearing it (I don’t blame him) Its just hard because he is a man at a man job where other men act normal. He doesn’t understand how EVIL women are. I feel trapped.

  171. Also, can’t go to boss or HR because that will make me look like a whiner. I want to do a good job and grow with this company. I was hired for the junior spot. Mistakes are part of learning process. They are so cold. Please help

  172. Im serious. Do not accuse me of making fun of a epidemic such as this.
    Ive been there.


  173. As long as your boss likes you, and everyone else likes you, don’t worry so much about what these two think. And don’t let your confidence in your abilities go out the window because of their nitpicking — it’s a common tactic (sometimes used by bosses against employees they don’t like, sometimes used by co-workers against peers they don’t like).

    I agree that going to HR might not be wise until you are more established there. Besides, HR is not really about the employees (like they always CLAIM), it’s about companies having an “open door” policy to entice employees to come in and vent so they can find out what their frame of mind is (”will she sue us?”) and what unrefutable proof you may have of bullying or a hostile work environment (”will a lawsuit be successful if she does?”). Once armed with data from the employee, they can assess the risk and decide what underhanded actions to take against the victim to cut their potential liabilities. Until you have been there 10 years or more, a lawsuit would not “pay off” anyway, even if you had proof of hostile work environment/bullying, because your “damages” would not outweigh your attorneys’ fees. Attorneys do not take employment cases on contingency; you pay up front a pretty large amount, along with monthly bills for costs (recorded depositions, copying, scanning, faxing, photographs, exhibit preparation). So although the law allows for these kinds of cases, they don’t mention that they don’t pay off unless you are very highly paid and/or have long tenure, or your damages will be very high for some other reason.

    Perhaps these 2 women feel threatened by you, your abilities (which is why they try to undercut your abilities) and perhaps even your looks. If the boss and everyone else likes you, perhaps these 2 are NOT well liked there and feel the heat of a potential ouster looming (and maybe they fear that you will eventually REPLACE one of BOTH of them per the company’s secret plan in hiring you), and are attacking YOU (when they’d rather attack the boss, but can’t).

    Be decent to them, but also stop giving off signals that you care so much what they think of you. Continue to learn your duties well so there is less they can attack. Continue to foster good relationships with your boss and all the others.

    Try not to give them any information they can use (or twist and misuse) against you. Sometimes we think we are being careful about those kinds of things by keeping mum about details about ourselves that might seem negative, but even if you share POSITIVE details about yourself, those can be TWISTED into negative details by them. Yet, the dynamics as you describe them don’t sound like what they think matters much to the boss or anyone else, except you, anyway. Therefore, it doesn’t sound like a good idea to try to be overly friendly to them or gain closeness to them in order to stop them from picking on you. That wouldn’t work anyway: they would just take your friendliness and stab you in the back with it later, and start up picking on you again (now armed with more info about you). It may be best to be a little cold to them instead. If you do, they will probably warm up to you all of a sudden. Don’t take THAT bait either. Be cordial, but don’t suddenly start trusting them just because they are treating you nice.

    Picking on the “new girl” is a cowardly move, I think.

  174. I understand that people just don’t mesh sometimes. I’ve just never been in this position before. I’m a pretty positive person and I don’t like drama. I guess people all over the world have bigger struggles than this (war, oppression, infant mortality, hunger, etc) so my struggle compared to those is small. It would just make life so much better if my work environment was more comfortable with less tension. I’m somewhat religious and will just focus on doing a good job and stay in God’s favor. Thank you for your thoughts : )

  175. I am sad to see that this type of bullying exists to many women. I am currently a very depressed person and have lost a lot of self confidence having experienced personal attacks at work.

    I was naive to have befriended coworkers when I started working here. I have a soft heart and will help people as much as possible. Management has always been nice to me because they know my character and my capabilties at work.

    I can cope pretty well but one of my coworkers has the ability to drive me nuts. Although we do not need to deal with each other much at all work related, she has been attacking me on a personal level time and time again. The worse is she would pretend like she is so nice to me infront of others while secretly she tries to sabotage me. One word, FAKE, we all know one of those. She has put me down several times with how I dress yet couple weeks or months later, she would come in with something similar. A lot of times, she comes in looking like my clone. I am by no means saying I am a fashion expert but it seems like whatever I wear, like, or want, she would have the same. Can someone tell me if I am jealous? To me I don’t feel that I am, I just feel very irriated that someone who clearly doesn’t like me, suddenly tries to look like me. She needs to find herself and stay away from me.

    On top of this, she tries to damage my reputation at work. A lot of people at work already know her character and given the choice, many prefer to talk to me over her. So she tries to steal them by coming up several times to “try” and start conversations while trying to leave me out. When that is unsuccessful she stooped so low to try and attack me on my personal life during the office Chirstmas Party, when I had already left . When the news came back to me (which I don’t think she thought would), I immediately brought it up to management. She tries to cover all her tracks by using the good old “oh, it was unintensional” line. Pathetic.

    I treat her like she is non existent at the moment. Right now she thinks she has done nothing wrong to me and that I am being too petty. As childish as this sounds, refuse to acknowledge this person, even with a simple good morning or hi. It’s not worth it. She ignores me too. That’s that. I know this is bad on my health but I really don’t know how else to handle the situation. Do any of you have any advice?

    Thank you for reading. It has really affected me negatively.

  176. Sorry C, I was not acussing you of making fun, just asked? I do not know what is sincere any more. I have been fooled many times. I am in a new office and still the women seem to try to ostracize me, and they do. One in particular like the bully before is the ring leader. I am working very hard to just know that this is an issue and a epidemic that went long time with being truly addressed. No harm intended.

  177. I want to share some of what happened to me. I landed a job in the school district after working part-time and volunteering for some many years. The office I entered ; had about 60 or more women, a boss, her assistant, admin secretary and one man that assisted with data. Well to make it all short by 2006 the issues and stories were full blown and out of control. I was the target; I even got calls at home from the secretary threatening me. I informed the boss she laughed, and I am sure when in turn informed the secretary. Things became more even more murky and unprofessional. At each turn the secretary that took off quite often needed my assistance to support her when off. She the secretary would often complain on her returns would makes claims that someone went through her things, meaning me.

    On the many occasions she was off, left no instructions for the repair persons, her job and her duties. I in turn took the initiative to assist. The secretary upon her return forwarded me a very nasty emails stating that “ I was to remember who was in charge in not so many words and she cc:d this to the manager and her assistant. They both saw it fit for her to do. This went on and on 2006- 2011 year.

    I had a stroke in 2011, after a verbal bashing in the office by a coworker that was friends to the woman that began the mobbing. I still do not know if the office had anything to do with the stroke, but doctor friends, and family do. I went to the union repeatedly and they did nothing. I was informed she my boss did not have to like me.
    Cut now to my new office and l one of the persons in my now new office is related has a sister in the other office an in-law by marriage. Think they have not shared, you know they have. For instance this woman related to the in-law in this prior office had the audacity to out of the blue to inform me that I should not take things personally. I have no idea how she just wanted to have such a conversation with me. Then about two weeks ago I arrived at work and there was a birthday celebration in the lounge. Not one support person had mentioned anything to me. I walked in said good morning and stated sorry I did not know we had plans. I observed as a couple of the women nudged. Others rolled their eyes. I went to sit to join as I was very sorry and wanted to attend, and they all but one, got up and left. Not, only that one preceded to inform me of manners. I had nothing wrong, what. I felt awful. The fowling weeks since they have been a acting like kids. These women are grandmothers with their own adult children! One does not have children but she falls right along with the crowd. It’s all long and sorted. Atleast one of these women and it Ms. Let me teach you about manners person is ;always rude, calls herself a christen, says she tells it like it is, talks all the time about plucking things from her eyes and others. It just goes on, Ms.Perfect!

    The clicks are such a kicker, and they all talk about one another and have to me, I say nothing and try to get away!

  178. Daimes, similar thing here I was be friended then attacked after I taught this person all she knew in the office, then she took over my jobs and then said she was mor capable! But used my ideas, etc!!!

  179. Just know that congress knows this exist, listen to the testamonies, some are terrible. This happens even is places where are children are taught! just think some of these people that more than likey are true psycho’s teach your children!

  180. Nicole read your post! I know its awful but ignore, and ignore as best you can. I did, then did not, and it took a toll on me in so many ways! Its their problem not yours. HR departments hust dont do their jobs most times! If you ever need asistance and I can give you any assistance I would be happy to! Chin up …. I will say this it chnaged me in so many ways. I felt like all my power hd been removed, so I a also rady for this trial that I am experiencing. I do everything in this office, and I am damned good at it! AND PROUD!

  181. OK Less:

    I thought one of the creeps followed me in here and were bullying me
    They have done that.

  182. So true . I am so friendly and very considerate to my coworkers. Always nice to everyone , hardworking and very easy going and fun , but i see every single time that the coworkers show some resistance to me . The people usually find me very attractive and bubly personality , that causes threat to my coworkers especially if they are female ! Sometimes even male coworkers feel it as the customers come towards me and it bothers them ,especially if you are in sales !! What is the best to do with this jealousy ?

  183. Just tell me how to handle the jealous people who happen to be my coworkers

  184. I totally understand your dilemna, dear. I was recently employed at a golf course to help lighten the workload for the onlylady in the the name placard on her door says office manager, but she is the only one there. She was dishonest, and tried to blame me for her mistakes.i was then told i would have no more hours. it took me very little time to catch up her filing, and she would not let me on the computer to do any inputting. I was once almost beaten up in a parking lot where i waitressed by the other waitresses for getting the highest tips. Women are the nastiest breed of species sometimes, but just be the betterperson, and don’t let them get to you. Start complaining about their workperformance, whenever you can fairly, and get them to see you won’t take it. you are being too nice. Have a heart to heart with management, also and show them your proof, and hold your head high honey. You don’t deserve it. I too am an attractive woman who has lost out in many chances, and lost jobs for being too quick at what i did. Because i made the other coworkers look bad three of them complained about me to management, and i lost the job, there as well. It seems alot of workplaces nowadays do not care about performance, only petty jealousies. It a a sad state of affairs, and unfair. you donot deserve this treatment, and point out and prove your work performance to your superiors. Complainers should not bear so much weight, when in reality they are incompetent with their jobs, and need to didtract the management by complaining about others.

  185. I have gone through this cattiness from other women at work (and in social life) my whole life. Even complete stranger women in stores will glare at me. A woman is an inately jealous animal. Men cannot understand this because it is the man’s nature to be concerned with sexual matters. For women, the concern is keeping the competitition down to preserve her own pedestal so she looks more appealing to men. Our man’s world is only relatively recently opening the doors to women in the workplace and now, the history of the human race is going to have a lot to talk about where the psychology of females and envy are concerned. Women are now stepping into the workplace in droves like history has never seen and dragging their animal-like “I’m the best female here” territorialness in to work with them. Women have a hard time leaving the jealous animal home and behaving professionally when they come to work. I”m not talking a few women are jealous. MOST women are jealous of physical beauty and deeply deeply so. Female jealousy is no small matter.

  186. Thank you all so much. I thought I was the only one. I’m going through “mobbing” where I work. One in particular is real bad, she positively glows when she treats me badly. I have tried to be nicer to her but then she just gets worse everyg time. I am a good worker and a caring person. It blows me away that these women enjoy making my work more difficult than it needs to be. My heart goes out all of you and thank you all for posting here.

  187. I keep dealing with this over and over. I’ve tried to see if I am somehow the problem, but I think that I am nice to people and try to be respectful. It starts when I do a good job. I don’t crow about myself ( in fact, my education and experience are a mystery to them, as I don’t talk about myself that much) but when I make a good impression on customers, or clients, then the jealousy starts. If I complain about the back stabbing, or double crossing, then I get ganged up on by these women, and their followers who are afraid to not go along with them for fear that THEY will become the next target. I think that I am somehow attracting narcissistic people into my life. They seem so charming at first, but when they see that they cannot control you, they turn viciously.
    The advice about documenting EVERYTHING is excellent, and I did this, and it did help to prove that I was not lazy and was doing my job. These hateful people will get their karma right back at them one day. Hope I am around to see it!

  188. They probably sleep just fine. They are not jealous of you I think looking at your personality you are indeed jealous and a little insecure of you position in the company. You are playing naive but are probably playing games to “win” attention and the women can see straight through it. I am glad you do not work for my organization or you would be fired for manipulation and naccistic behavioural traits. You sound like daddies little girl in the big bad world. I guarantee you got the job through that means. Welcome to ready sweetheart.

  189. Well Reakity, you sound like many of the women that we have been talking about. This is a supportive website where we feel free to talk about the jealous, petty, destructive behavior that causes so much pain to the lives of women everyday in the workforce. If you don’t understand this, than why on earth are you commenting or even reading anything from this site. You have proven our point. So go back to your hole.

  190. email me if you want me to tell you the most provocative, enriched, unemaginative,twisting force of rage build up in you in reaction to human disregard of human man kind regard for his brother main, gone a rye, in somes benied reasoning to taunt,spend timeless energy seting up stagiing, one person’s over 20 work sites as humiliation processions, that in cluded, menicale blinded wicked deceptive dummy employee to who bonded with the let say victim or target as co workder, rapidly had movement and processions to treat the target gradually deface as in a glatiator games where the target is tied up in the middle of the area and thought these were nice friends she had met at work to the boss challenging the target, while her husback stood in back of her slaping the target with develued coment of her edu cation, knowledge, image, function and just up to so far of 3months with no training with thing like you know nothing , I dont have time to hold your had, and three time asking the target to get jup and leavee. i saw this story unravel. it was me. I thought I would die as the five year of this very thing has happened at all my jobs for 5years to traying to stage me with ilegal malish conduct of my professional character. to calling in a new paper writer I avoided, after they torm me down. it was some thing else the thhing that happen in between the day I got hired and was fired. To remembering I ve lived in my car before for 5 year or gong on 6 now that ill be fine to the home I get are having the same dynamic going on sy motanious as the counselor Ive had i positioned her in a space that it has been a trippple dynamic of who I live past 20, and I thought Id die. Now I fell I m ready to die at 50. NO alarm im christian but, but buddish it my life. and I wont dye your story make me feel so up lifted and not alone. Everyone has left me. But im not gojng dy and nice to see me moveing forward and not ten step back ward like all the other 19 staged harm job,home, lovers, friend they send to hurt me. And, you probably thinkin im paranoid. Im not I have a Phd in clinical psychology,neuropsycho and ws cultured and taught strong aanalyse by one the well known published psychoanyalsis freudian analysis in San Francisco while sponsored by Robert Wood Johnson cause I was the only rare Afro, braided therapist at Russioan mt Zion. my docors though they too victimised me. . They have this thing about people , my grad school explain mo of blaming to explain falling to victim. Well trust there is a diffirenciation. please email me. i would like to know what I can do to put stop gate agape to the proceding from it processor I think in in capativity or terminal and my set resentment. This may sound like im crazy but it real.

  191. I work in a small office. I was hired by a male Director, but about a year in, he hired a female, Mitzi, who he quickly promoted to Director. This made her my boss and I lost him as my boss. He was always fair and good to me. She has been horrible to me, mainly starting after I expressed disagreement to one of her terrible ideas. She snapped at me in front of everyone at a meeting when I disagreed with her idea. She even admitted this to me later (acting like it was no big deal of course). She, my manager and other women in the office regularly bad-mouth me behind my back. They can’t attack the quality of my work or my work ethic, so they attack my personality. I’m private and don’t socialize, keep my personal and work life separate (because they are two separate things). This gives them something to attack because they have nothing else.
    After Mitzi put a new work process into place that directly affected my job without even mentioning it to me, I went to talk to her about it. Huge mistake! She took over the conversation (as she usually does) and took the opportunity to tell me I needed to be more personable, attacked and insulted me for the fact that I am stressed sometimes (over having a ton of work at one time), claimed that other coworkers have a problem with the way I interact with them, and made the extremely simple-minded and ridiculous comment that “if more than one person says this about you, it’s probably true.” When I asked what had been said about me she said they said I kept to myself and didn’t take lunch with everyone else. Are you kidding me?!! First of all, lunch is your personal time. We are not in grade school. It is our choice when and where we lunch. She and whoever made this comment are extremely immature and unprofessional to even mention it as being something negative about me, especially since it has absolutely nothing to do with the job. Second, of course there are going to be people who agree with her BS, since there are a lot of scumbags there. Scumbags will of course all have the same stupidity, lack of character and extreme immaturity. So of course they will all agree on things! Duh! That does not mean they are right about things, it means birds of a scumbag feather flock together! Third, Mitzi doesn’t observe me talking to the outside work contacts I have to talk to on a daily basis. I am very good at that, and she has no basis to say I’m not good at interacting with people for work purposes. Mitzi is also majorly power-tripping. She marches around like a dictator and expects us to act like little children who answer to her.
    Now to my manager. She has been with the company 20 years, or something like that, and has been passed over for promotions and moved around to several departments in the company. From the beginning she has been condescending to me, treated me like I’m stupid or slow to learn, deliberately passed me up and asked other people to do things (treating me like I’m not capable of handling things) and she deliberately looks for any little mistake I make that she can possibly find to try to make me look bad to other people there, especially those in management. She is extremely defensive when I tell her about any mistakes I find and fires back with mistakes she supposedly found. I can’t even bring mistakes to coworkers’ attention, because she gets so defensive and acts like I’m doing something wrong. She has accused me of not asking for help when I need it. I believe it’s because she can’t stand the fact that I do such a stellar job and handle so much on my own with no problem. She can’t find anything to discredit me so she looks for every tiny error or typo, and says I don’t ask for help when I should. I think she’s very insecure about her abilities compared to mine and the fact she hasn’t been promoted in her 20 some years at this company. Her and Mitzi have banded together to mistreat and bad-mouth me to everyone.
    Next we have the admin assistant who was hired not too long ago. She very quickly figured out that Mitzi greatly values people who do a lot of socializing, giggling and grinning and that Mitzi doesn’t really care about work ethic and quality as long as you do these things. This admin assistant has also participated with Mitzi and the manager in bad-mouthing me, and childishly giggling about me behind my back. She also has no work ethic and spends most of the day traveling between offices, reading books or keeping the fridge stocked with drinks. She of course does whatever Mitzi and the manager want her to do when they ask her to help with their work, but she basically ignores me when I ask for her help (which is part of her job). She’s blatantly fake and a major butt-kisser. Mitzi is stupid, but she can’t be stupid enough to not see through this. She just enjoys getting her butt kissed.
    They have all 3 banded together to bad-mouth me, treat me differently than everyone else work-wise, and make my time at work as difficult as they can. I have a life, and it ain’t this or any job, so I want to leave this hell hole so I can fully enjoy my life, instead of being made miserable by these scumbags at work! If anyone has any similar experiences to any of this, please send responses. The support would mean a lot to me, and help to know I’m not alone in this horrible treatment.

  192. By the way, the other commenters are correct, going to HR is a big mistake! They are usually just like the people who are mistreating you and will only side with them. I once had the HR lady tell me that as long as the manager was cussing or yelling at me, then I had no valid complaints. I told her there is so much more that cussing and yelling you can do to mistreat someone and she predictably asked if I had proof or specific examples. As you know with passive-aggressive BS, there’s almost always no proof and it’s extrememly difficult to describe the behavior exactly. She didn’t want to hear it anyway, because HR is going to side with management regardless of what they do. Also, going to the boss above your boss will usually only make things worse because they are likely as big a scumbag as your boss. After all, they hired him or her and scumbags like to hire other scumbags just like them.

  193. I work for the state of New York-not private sector. People get job promotions based on who they know or/are related to. I have strong work ethics and I’m always at work and even willing to learn something new. I am the only one in there that does’nt talk about people-I keep to myself and I am there to work. I’ve been attacked ever since I’ve gotten a slight promotion and moved to another floor based on my social skills. I am a little shy and introverted. Even the supervisors can’t see through the women who are doing this to me! I always dress nice-and I’m attacked for being over-dressed. I keep my personal life private-and I’m attacked for that as well. This certain clique of women say that I am not personable! And even the supervisors go along with this instead of correcting these women and telling them that everyone is an individual and they don’t own the world!!!(It’s a free country!)and not to mold or/change people!!! They also play childish games like…refusing to train people who are different from them to learn new projects and then…they laugh behind your back and call you names like “stupid” and “retard”. And the supervisors have seen this and don’t do anything. This has been going on ever since I’ve worked on this floor. If the supervisors won’t stop this who will???….I only have 9 years to go before I retire. Does anyone have any suggesstions????…..-Nancy

  194. To Nancy:

    It’s sad that you are going through this and it is obviously unfair. You are not alone. I guess people shouldn’t be surprised when they are hardworking, well-dressed, classy, independent, intelligent (both academically and emotionally), wise and cautious, and are mistreated by those who are afraid and threatened by one’s standards for themselves. IOW, to them, you look like a “success going somewhere to happen,” and they just don’t want it to be THERE (where THEY are…).

    As to why the supervisors and leaders allow (and even give wide berth) to these clique-y, insecure gangsters, it may have something to do with the possibility that they deem that these gangsters perform certain DIRTY LITTLE FUNCTIONS for them such as: highlighting those workers who have true values and grit so they can be “weeded out,” translating the hidden agendas and secret wishes of management into practical realities by forcing honest workers out of the company through various bullying tactics which allows the company to avoid paying unemployment compensation and potential lawsuits by employees who have had their rights trampled (whether inadvertently or on purpose), helping to usher out those longterm employees who are nearing retirement and a large payout in order to relinquish the employer’s obligation to pay said payout down the road, and showcasing those employees who are willing to do ANYTHING to stay on board (even if it’s illegal or ethically wrong) so that management knows who to “trust” and who to call on to do a little spying on various targets for them and report back, etc. When a company or entity operates on the theory that people should only be allowed to advance based on “who they know,” then you know there is something to be hidden at that company/entity.

    It seems that employers don’t care that much about skills or hard work and have decided there is more value in sick loyalty from employees, and some employees have figured this out. The honest employees don’t see it happening because it never enters their mind that anyone would be like that. Employers also seem to have fear of honest employees who have values and personal integrity, probably because most employers have enough skeletons in their closets that secretiveness is the order of the day to survive as a company and/or supervisor.

    If you are working somewhere where management is seeming in CONCERT with the most sick, dysfunctional, clilque-y, bullying employees (based on observed actions, social ties and responses to daily work life and what they do — or do not do — about complaints), you can rest assured that there ARE therefore skeletons in your employer’s closet.

    Do you REALLY want to work for a dishonest group of supervisors or a dishonest company culture, even if you only have a few years left until retirement? Do you want to use your retirement period spending funds received from this group of creeps who probably got some of their income unethically and/or illegally? Do you want to be part of that, or enjoy the fruits of their poor ethics? I wouldn’t want to be part of anything unethical, because I don’t want to share in their “payday.”

    Maybe you are starting to “see” some things about this place so that you can prepare to change horses (before they kick you off this one), and get yourself lined up to be on a better track that is healthier for you long term anyway.

    SHORT VERSION: You may be too good for them; look out for your health and your longterm future.

  195. I am a nurse, on a new job, and I am 57 years old and am seasoned with my career, 4 months on the job and the nurses hate me, seriously treat me terrible, and are mean just plain mean, it is so hard to face them everyday, I break down in tears all the time, I have been caught crying and have been told by one that I play the victum, I feel I am at a loss I have never worked where everyone disliked me, its such a bad feeling and I love my job, I love to love on my patients, they love me back, I love the families too, so so sad

  196. To “Mustang Sally”….I am going through the same thing! I got called in a conferance room by two supervisors and 1 woman made up false allegations about me and she even turned my best friend against me!!!…I was always brought up to be respectful of people and treat everyone kindly. I don’t know WHAT she told my friend about me! I was in the conferance toom TWICE in one week!!!…Most of the time…I am the only person working! She also had 10 people gang up on me and all go to the supervisors and say they overheard me make these comments about other co-workers which I never made. Well;of course I got upset and raised my voice and the supervisor told me to stop yelling at her. I told her I wanted a union rep and she said it was too late at night for that. Even after I told her I never said my friend Michelle was a bitch-she continued badgering me and accused me of saying it!…Now there’s only about 3 people in the office which I talk to and they see through the Main-one who made these false allegations against me! Also…she’s drove past where I live and yelled out that I’m a retard and a weirdo. I’m an attractive woman in my 50’s with a killer body…the only thing I can think of is that it’s jealousy. But;this is so middle-school behavior for women 35 to 55!!!!! I hope you read this. Word of advice….Don’t let these bitches see you crying! You have to be strong. People like this feed of of gossip and negative energy. Maybe they have an un-happy home life too-to be so mean! Watch your thought processes! Keep your self-worth and self-respect!It does make it difficult but it’s a free choice whether you talk to them or not. Being judged by people is very negative or/singled out. Meditation is good-to take you away or/imaginary thinking/videos.If no-one makes a positive differenct in your life…ignore them.I think mockery…or people who defame others…are jealous or off-balanced. Just do a good job and be happy you are who you are!…-Have a blessed weekend! “In The Same Boat”!!!-Nancy

  197. Dear Nancy, it sounds like they really put you through the mill ganging up on you with those false allegations, etc. That must have been very disturbing and probably your body will feel some of the ramifications of that stress going forward a bit. Be sure to get your hormones balanced with NATURAL bioidentical hormones asap, and you may even need some natural bioidentical cortisone to help your adrenals deal with the stress (especially if you are experiencing extreme fatigue).

    It sounds like they planned the “intervention” to happen after hours so it WOULD be too late to talk to a union rep on purpose. Sometimes management will work in concert with willing co-workers (pawns) to push someone out before they will receive their reitrement benefits. What those pawns don’t know now is that later, when THEY are nearing retirement, management will enlist the help of new willing accomplices to push THEM out. If you are willing and able to ride out the next 9 years under those circumstances, know that they will keep trying different things. There are probably worse tricks up their sleeves they plan to use down the road. Re-framing your views of the situation and remaining positive despite their negativity can help. You will have to decide whether it’s worth getting your retirement check 9 years from now even though your health may be worse for the stress/wear by then, or whether you will be happier in the long run if you try something else without suffering for the next 9 years. If you decide to stay, do NOT stoop to their level and play their games even if they start being nice to you (it will be fake) (they will ensure it backfires anyway because their goal is apparently to get rid of you before you can collect your reitrement pay). When you are up against gangsters like this (and that’s all they are: gangsters in dresses and lipstick), it may require having God looking out for you because He knows all their tricks and He IS the fly on the wall in all of their secret discussions inside and outside the office, and He can thwart their efforts if you follow His leadings. He can likewise arrange for an alternative form of income for you (perhaps being an entrepeneur or writer or something independent and creative that they can’t touch or prevent, etc.) if you decide you don’t want to put up with them. Either way, you’ll want God in your corner and having your back. That will necessitate putting your life and its details in His hands as an act and decision of your free will and purposing to be in a relationship with God through His Son. (Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.) God is all about PEACE. He can give you peace within the storm and bring you through it, or He can take you out of the storm and put you in a more peaceful place. It mostly depends on what YOU prefer to do (stay or go), and He will honor (and help you with) your decision on that (God can ensure that EITHER choice turns out to be a victory for you). But you must be in relationship with Him — so make sure you are. SEE Romans 10: 9-10.

  198. Dear Mustang Sally:Thank-You for your support and responding so soon! You seem like a real genuine person and not “fake”-like our co-workers!..Everything you are saying i true and I work for the state as a Fingerprint-Examiner(Ha,Ha!)…and I have jealous-female co-workers in all of my business and even driving passed where I live-I actually saw one of the girls in her car and she made a snotty comment driving passed. It’s so mid-school level and they are so immature. So;I need 9 more years before retirement. I’m not letting them spoil it! And you’re right…the supervisors cover up for them because they are “pet-material” and have political-pull or/relaties in high places. It’s sickening! They get promoted before I do and I do all the work! If you need support with your situation I am here for you! I will pray for you. Please try not to absorb other peoples negative energies.I’ve never liked invasive or/judgemental people anyway. Ignore people who treat you shabbely and just keep it strictly business.Using “imaginary-thinking”/meditation can help in difficult times. -Have a peaceful,blessed weekend. I am on your side. AF, Nancy

  199. Okay-here are my two cents for what they are worth. First and foremost, get up everyday and give 100 percent whether anybody around you likes it or not-as “a workman is worthy of his hire” and that is what your supposed to do, whether anybody else does or does not.
    Secondly, the lady who wrote this states she is middle aged and going through some personal issues. Let me say to you that this is tough enough, and you may not see it clearly right now but you may be a bit hypersensitive to what is going on around you. Now, I am not saying this to be mean-I am saying it as someone who has gone through it and as someone who knows. You are mentally and physically drained emotionally, and it really may be effecting you-not as to what type of persona and worker you are, but as to your “perception” of what is going on around you. Either way-hang in there and keep your chin held high and do your best. This was a good idea for you…VENT to perfect strangers who will give you all kinds of pefect advice!
    Also, since you ARE middle aged-you may have to use all of those wonderful and not so wonderful life experiences and buck up a bit. I am a great worker and plenty of folks are jealous of me and you know what? I do NOT put up with their bull****…not at middle aged and not as I would have as a 20 year old. SOMETIMES people actually need to see a backbone…and this doesnt mean stooping to their level, it means answering their dumb questions with a question…or when they say something really obnoxious and toxic just look at them and say…”wow, thats gamey as heck”, CALL THEM on their **** and watch how fast it stops for you.

    Good luck, but hey-the world is full of assholes and its all in how YOU deal with it that will make the difference.
    Also, the new term for all of this is called HORIZONTAL VIOLENCE and believe me, it is NOT tolerated in most places of employment.

  200. P.S. You can only be treated the way you allow others to treat you.

  201. I feel for you totally I have had trouble with other women my whole life. I take care of myself physically and am not ugly I have always wondered if that had anything to do with how bad I have been treated. Unfortunately its not just outsiders I have dealt with this by my family too. I recently moved a great distance away from family largely do to this. I am now trying to get a job and praying I get treated well here. All in all you are not alone. It may not feel like it but, others like me understand. Stay strong!!!

  202. TO GET U: It is difficult to realize that one’s FAMILY members are even not immune from getting jealous of you. I think that is more often the case in instances of extreme beauty versus average beauty. I think family try to check themselves and avoid allowing themselves from being jealous of other family members in most cases — but sometimes if you are simply too beautiful even THEY cannot resist the temptation to be jealous and let it show.

    It is likely you will run into jealous co-workers at your new job. It’s really difficult if you are the NEW person to fight back when you notice you are being treated wrongly due to your looks/talents/skills. That seems to be only something that a SEASONED LONGTERM employee can get away with. However, really beautiful and talented women rarely are offered the opportunity to BECOME longterm employees by the other jealous co-workers. That means that sometimes they go from job to job, not because they aren’t good workers, but because they are never ALLOWED to stay anywhere long enough to develop enough clout to stand up for themselves and get away with it — the other female co-workers (and sometimes male co-workers) make SURE of it. They simply cannot tolerate anyone THAT good looking and/or talented in their midst.

    As a result, I think people who have already been especially blessed with excess beauty, intelligence, and natural talents, etc. are on track to do something OTHER than the typical work world. If they aren’t able to figure out what that is on their own, their bad experiences in the regular work world will PUSH them out into the wilderness where they, hopefully, will be forced to look at their God-given talents and ask Him to help them use them for something completely different than the average female worker. So as you try again to enter the average world of work, keep in the back of your mind that you may eventually need to see where God REALLY wanted you to be (whether an entrepeneur, artist, writer, etc.), and consider giving that a lot of thought so that perhaps you can ease into it BEFORE you are pushed out into the wilderness.

    Remember that Joseph’s brothers (Old Testament) were so jealous of him that they pushed him into a ditch and erroneously reported to their / his father that he had perished. God had great things in store for Joseph and satan tried to stop it in advance, but it actually served to LEAD Joseph into his destiny (although he suffered a great deal in the process). However, Joseph was eventually blessed beyond his wildest imagination, to the point where he was later in a position to share his blessings with his (jealous) brothers, which he did.

    So even though jealous co-workers may push you out again and again and force you into your (better) destiny, they may indirectly benefit from your future blessings in some way. For example, if you wrote a book that they read and their lives were changed for the better by.

  203. I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been with the same university for 12 years. I just started a new job there about two years ago. I began work on a team of four people, including myself. I was also ignored, not greeted by my three coworkers, routinely omitted from daily lunch ordering, etc, etc.

    It may sound funny, but I’m 58 years old and they are jealous. I stayed out of the sun all of my life, so I’ve got skin as good, or better than, most 30 year old women. I’ve kept my weight down to within about 10 pounds of my high school weight, and I’ve had nips and tucks over the years. Believe me, it all adds up to looking and feeling good as you approach your golden years.

    That being said, I’m about 8 to 10 years from taking social security & I’m waiting for the year I will get my highest benefit, so, obviously, I did not want to have to change jobs again

    When I first began work there, I had heard comments about my three co-workers. Other employees called them arrogant and “the three queens”. So, my strategy was simply to ignore them. No matter how hard they tried to get next to me, I just sat and kept working with the same expression on my face, never changing, never getting angry. Some days I’d just put on the my headset and listen to music all day while working. That was another way of dealing with them.

    To make a long story short, I outlasted two of them. That’s right, two quit within the last year. In many ways, the remaining one of the three who is still working with me is the worst offender, but with the other two gone now, she really doesn’t have an option to bully anymore. So, she just ignores me, I ignore her, and we both work. She will not speak to me under any circumstance, for any reason, but she’ll try to make eye contact with me when we pass in the hallway. She tries to encourage me to greet her so that she can react with a grunt or a groan or some arrogant response.

    Management’s response to this ongoing sage? They ignored, also. The top boss tried bullying me at first, but I just ignored here, too, and she finally stopped as she probably has the most to lose if I decide to make an issue.

    I guess the moral to my story is to just keep a straight face, even if you’re fuming inside. Stretch and yawn. Make them think that their b.s. is falling on deaf ears. If it’s really eating at them, they will leave or they will stop.

  204. I am so grateful to have come across these postings. I have been working in a small restaurant as a cashier/server for the past four years. The owner commended me after the first year or so for helping to turn the business around, as the previous cashier was not so great with the customers. Here is the problem, now that I have been promoted to the Night Manager, I am having a lot of problems with my co workers. There were always problems, but now it is much worse. I work really hard and am always available to work if someone needs time off, I try to be friendly with the cooks and the other cashier, but because I focus on my job and not bull****ting around, they all resent me. Recently the owner asked me about the cashier that we had hired, then fired because she was absent too much. Evidently the cooks had told him that I was harsh with her, and that I was just waiting for her to make a mistake. Because there is only one of me, and three of them, it is my word against theirs. I even caught the manager lying to me about the other cashier. I love my job, I really enjoy working with our customers, but the back biting comments are sending me to the brink! One day one of the cooks took her wet hands,( she had just washed them,) and ran them over my head! Then she complained to the boss that I yelled at her to never, ever do that again. One day, same cook, asked to look at my wedding ring, when I held my hand out, she tried to take the ring off my finger. I pulled my hand back and told her that was inappropriate. She copped this huge attitude against me. Now she’ll ask me all time. Don’t you think you’d like working somewhere else? Do you think we’ll hire someone else to work nights? To top it off, the other cook that I work with is this girls’ mother! So no matter what I do, I’m the odd person out. Sometimes they will leave while on the clock for an hour or more, or spend the whole night talking on the phone, whatever. I try to just focus on my job, but I know they are talking about me, even though they speak a different language, I understand some of what they are saying. At least I know that I am not alone in this situation, and that helps.

  205. Hang in there Michelle! Obviously your promotion has brought out a lot of jealousy in your coworkers.

    It is really difficult for people to resist kindness, so try upping that effort (without compromising your work ethic) if possible. Some are trying to paint you as harsh, so make that extra difficult to do by being super nice (but firm). Perhaps try a little self-depricating humor at times, but not about anything serious that anyone could twist and purposefully misinterpret and use against you later.

    Meanwhile, with regard to “their word against yours,” consider the benefits of hidden video or audio footage for future issues that may crop up that you can show the manager and owner. Try Radio Shack or some spy shops, or a really good phone with a camera and video capabilities.

  206. Okay, here’s my comment on jealousy in the workplace : You’re trying to do it all on your own, and we were never meant to do anything in this way. Call on Jesus to be your guide; then, stop being a victim as you continue each minute of the day working for Him, NOT the jealous coworkers. Start being an example to bring others to Him, instead of making it all about you. Once you allow Jesus to work through you, focusing completely on Him, it will amaze you how everything will fall into place, regardless of the intensions of anyone else. God bless.

  207. I am so glad I read this! I am going through the same thing!!! At first I thought it was me. I began working in manufacturing, and I have moved up to a very nice position, got married, had a baby, and all of a sudden it’s like the people that I worked with for over four years just quit talking to me. My mother told me it was jealousy, but I didn’t think so at the time, but now it’s just annoying because it’s like these women go out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable :(

  208. Advice: if your supervisors or important people are women, dress down and look ugly as much as possible. do not dress up to look pretty.

    if your supervisors are men, dress nice and be attractive and get works done properly and efficiently.

    this will help, trust me.

  209. most women are way more judgmental than most men. they may dislike you not necessary because of attractive issues, but maybe because you are not their race, age, height, hair color, hobbies, boob sizes, the way you talk, and etc. try to let go minor things that don’t matter.

    some women can be the worst sexist and way worst than men. that’s what queen bee is named for. men can be jealous too. never try to assume jealousy, see if there are other things first.

    the worst thing to do is to show other women how attractive you are even when you really are or worst if you actually are not. they feel you are competing with them. so be smart, don’t gain enemy just by acting attractive or brag about it.

    a lot women have an illusion that they are attractive because of how much time they spent maintaining their youth and looking into the mirror. after doing these things for many years, women tend to hypnotize themselves that they are attractive. try to take many group pictures and get a better sense of your actual look.

    use and polish your beauty to the best benefits for yourself, don’t let it be your enemy. we all know how to look ugly as a woman. be brave, if you need to be ugly, be ugly. it will save you.

    in ugly i mean to be the same as the rest of the group. if the differences are too big a gap and way out of your normal life, then change job. no delay!

  210. TO KRISTIN:

    You said, “…if your supervisors or important people are women, dress down and look ugly as much as possible. Do not dress up to look pretty. If your supervisors are men, dress nice and be attractive and get work done properly and efficiently.”

    But what if you have a MIXTURE of men and women above you? You can’t look ugly and pretty at the same time to please whoever’s observing/judging you every minute! And what’s wrong with these insecure people who would put such a burden on us at work anyway? Most of us would never THINK of putting others at work under such ridiculous burdens.


    The only thing you can do is look your best and professional at work and be nice to everyone without being a doormat, and realize that God has your back and if you are mistreated or pushed out of the company unfairly, He will provide for your finances in one way or another, be it a better job, a creative idea that makes money, a husband who can easily support you with THEIR great job, or a successful business, or an idea for a successful book (or ALL OF THE ABOVE).

    God realizes when we are being treated unfairly and He’s the provebial “fly on the wall” and actually knows in much more detail exactly what is being done to us by others at work in real time. If we saw what went on behind our backs like God does, we’d be shocked and appalled and very disappointed in our fellow man. But if we knew everything God knew, we would ALSO know what motivates these folks and what the source of their deep insecurity and jealousy IS and we’d probably feel sorry for them (so we may as well feel sorry for them NOW).

    But if we trust in GOD (and not our employers or “friends” at work) He can take care of us. God will RESTORE WHAT SATAN HAS STOLEN FROM US (through unwitting pawns) SEVEN FOLD, and He will judge those who have mistreated us in His time and in His way (if they don’t repent to Him).

    We don’t need to try to become something we are not in order to make schizophrenic people at work accept us and stop judging us and stop mistreating us.

    We have to remember that our job/career/employment is not our GOD or SOURCE of prosperity - God is. We have to remember that our job is not our IDENTITY - God gives us that. If He gives us one job, He can get us another, regardless of the economy, because God is not smaller than the economy. God does not rely on the economy — the economy relies on God. Therefore, if we put our total trust in God and not the economy, our circumstances, what we see with our eyes, who we work for and with, what our job or career is, God will take care of us. BUT, if we rely and trust in our job, and in people instead, then we can become the victims of fickle jobs and people. We have to know what the true Source of blessing is and trust in THAT, not our jobs or other people.

    After all, God created the universe and the Earth and your job and your company and your boss and your co-workers and you, and He can manifest whatever you need if you trust Him and not other things/people. It’s easy to focus on the little things in front of our face and forget about our Creator, and that can be our downfall. The devil TRIES to get us to focus on our circumstances and our needs/wants; God tries to get us to focus on Him (and He’ll take CARE of our circumstances/needs/wants). Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these OTHER things (favor, jobs, opportunities, finances, daily needs and wants) will be added unto you.

    Let’s not fall for the devil’s old ploys anymore: focus on God, not what we see with our eyes right now.

  211. We women can be our own worst enemies when it comes to advancing, whether it’s at work or anywhere else.

    I can’t believe how quick other women are to bring another woman down if she seems to be even slightly better than they are at something. Speaking from personal experience, my former best friend of 12 years - 12 YEARS - turned on me after dating some loser guy for 5 months because she was so desperate to get a man and it was obvious to him, so his way of screwing around with her was to fill her head with nonsense and turn her against me. In the end, he dumped her very unceremoniously, then she called me to tell me what a horrible person I am! Unbelievable.

    At work, one thing I have noticed is that the “nasties” form covens and x out that one particular woman who they see as a threat, and in the end, we all lose. Men see this behavior as stupid and childish at best, and means that NONE of us will be taken seriously. Even men I have had dated for short times have commented on how nasty women can be to each other, and most of the time, the men can’t figure out why - so they lump us together as untrustworthy and simple-minded. I hope it changes one day.

  212. OMG this email gave me chills all over because this has happened to me and have been terminated from 3 jobs in a row because of women. I wish women like us had a way to fight for our right. I am sorry that this has happened to you, me and any other women in our shoes.

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  214. Hi I’m sorry to hear about your troubles at work. I am a hard working attractive woman as well and I understand where you are coming from. Jealousy is the ugliest disease. Let me tell you something about these women you work with.They are weak. So weak that they need to prey on women like yourself to feel better. People will only treat you badly if you let them. Stop being nice and stand up for yourself. Learn how to be assertive and start getting the respect you deserve.Put your foot down and don’t let anybody disrespect you. They may not like you but they are going to respect you. I use to be sweet and nice and try to stay out of their way until one day I decided that I wasn’t going to take it anymore. You deserve to be comfortable in your work environment. You deserve happiness. Stop letting them take this from you. I hope this helps and I wish you the best. xoxo

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  216. Hi, I also just stumbled into this post. Thoughout my work life I have run into these kinds of people. I was an A college student. Many have told me that I’m beautiful from the time I was 12 years old. I am different looking and I think exotic. I have a mole on my face, curly hair and, when I was young I had an hour glass figure. I was raised by people who taught me the work ethic, to be kind, to turn the other cheek and that when people hurt me it’s because they’re hurting and all I have to do is be nice to them. In many ways this was my misteak. I do believe that hurting people hurt people,but; I don’t believe that I need to be the brunt of their pain - after all I too have had pain in my life and I didn’t choose to take it out on others. After having worked for many years, I’ve reached a few conclusions including that good looking women do face unique problems in the work force - jealosy, sexual harassment and they’re not seen as being as competent as average looking people. Also, I am a multi-ethnic person and I feel that because I look different people are often confused about how to interact with me. They don’t see me as being like them, so; I’m alienated and ostracized1 It’s hard when you’ve been raised to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, to be kind and to keep trying to be friendly - as if that would help! I think the best thing to do is to pray, to realize that this too shall pass, to work hard and look for people who will support you - believe it or not even customer support will give you a certain element of power, ignore them if you can and keep your mind on higher things. Develop a portfolio of things you do and stay positive. Send out resumes constantly whether you have to or not. Check the environment to see who needs someone with your skills. This will give you new avenues to express your talents and it will give you confidence. Work hard to get them what they need in order to be successful and consider having a hobby at home that gives you personal fulfillment. Know you are good. Know you don’t deserve this - sometimes I think it’s just an element of evil on earth and I ask God to make my crooked roads straight. Have a place at home where you meditate and focus on positive things. Open your mind to new possibilities. In a way life handed you some lemons, make lemonaide. Know that yes - they are harassing you, yes they are jealous and there’s nothing you can do to change them. Focus on the greatness they see in you that makes them want to hurt you and create a plan for sharing your kindness and greatness with the world.

  217. In addition to the above statement, I, too, think there should be laws against this kind of work force harassment. There are laws against hostile work environments, but; if you think a more specific law should be in effect, you can work to create one. Get signatures - I’m not sure exactly how many you need, but; I think it’s 200. Go to your state capitol and present them along with a speech you’ve written to the legislature. Google - ‘How to Make a Law’ and do it. I did it once. My law was passed! It was about how to treat people in nursing homes.

  218. I’m an older female 50’s …and I’ve been 26 years in my field, however my last steady job I was made of victim of female co-worker aggression “mobbing” that was back in 2009 when i was run out of the work place by them! …since that time I’ve gotten several jobs about 7 and i was so happy every time however, my happiness was short lived as I found myself being targeted each and every time by female co-workers, its gotten to the point where i’m scared to start another job the question is what is happening out there? when i look at all the posts here, it gives me relief that i’m not alone as i thought maybe because i’m older they feel i don’t fit in to their click or something? i’ve tried everything from bringing donuts and coffee? showing interest in them and their kids generally being a nice person but that only enables them to dump their work on you? i’ve tried ignoring and just doing my work that doesn’t work? anyway, all i know is something is wrong in the work place as i never encountered this type of thing years ago? things are very different now there’s a vicious competitiveness among females but i think its today’s “media” that fuels this behavior? as many of these bitches are not from my generation as my generation didn’t have all these competition shows like America’s next top model, the voice” etc. whatever? i think these women have grown up in an era and atmosphere where they have become experts at the game? but this is not a competition? what would drive women to willfully and viciously drive someone who hasn’t done anything to them out of their job, why???don’t they know that this is not a game show its not funny this is serious stuff you are stopping others from being able to support themselves food, shelter and damaging their reputations so they can’t get work at all? …its terrible out there and the management is always clueless to what actually goes on in their workplace there’s another thing too as i’ve found the new age workforce “Immigrants” the worst it seems its their mission to drive out any american as i’m usually the only american worker and i think that has a lot to do with whats going on too!

  219. To Kay: I agree with your post completely. I do think it has something to do with those reality shows and the way young women have been raised to be so vicious to each other. I guess, however, since that’s the environment they are creating in the workforce, someday they will become the victims of that environment too.

    It is really wrong and you’re correct: this isn’t a game, this is people’s livelihood and even if they don’t think about or care what it does to their direct target, what about the other people in their lives who will be negatively affected by the job loss? The spouses, the children, the grandchildren, etc. Even more distant family members may feel the repurcussions without even realizing that is why they got such a small gift for their birthday or Christmas, etc.

    Sometimes management is clueless (and if they are, they certainly aren’t paying very close attention which means they are inept management), or perhaps they don’t happen to personally like the particular “target de jour” anyway, so they look the other way, or perhaps they even encourage the mistreatment because the target happens to be someone they are separately liable to for their own wrongs against the target and they are letting the bullies do their dirty work for them.

    I too have wondered whether it’s a racial thing that illegals (or their legal family members) are using to rid our workplaces of legal, anglo workers in general. I once worked with a Latino-American woman in an office and she was the most deceptive, tricky employee I’ve ever encountered. She was highly intelligent, and could be extremely friendly and “warm” and even had a delightfully kooky sense of humor that was disarming, but on the other hand she was highly adept at reading people and working her own agenda in very underhanded ways. She was actually in lower management, and I was appalled one day when I noticed she had thrown away some perfectly good (and expensive) office supplies. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged and said I could take them out of the trash if I wanted. Later, I learned she had been embezzing thousands of dollars from the company for years by using her position in billing clients and vendors deceptively, and she was summarily fired. She didn’t care about wasting the company’s money on supplies because she was simultaneously stealing cold hard cash too! It’s good to know that none of the wheeling and dealing she had done to befriend certain people or pull the wool over their eyes paid off in the end.

    I wish all of us who have been the victims of this type of mistreatment could band together and start an internet business together (so that we can work from home no matter what state we’re in).

    As far as enacting specific employment laws against this (as another poster suggested), even if such laws were already in place, it’s almost impossible to prove such underhanded behavior, which is the first requirement for any employment lawsuit to succeed. The bar is pretty high when it comes to what constitutes proof in these employment cases. It’s almost like you would need your own camera and microphone crew following you around all day at work for such a case to succeed in court. Direct testimony from an eye witness is great, but rarely available since people are always mostly concerned about keeping their jobs, and they know that retalliation does occur if they testified against their company or on behalf of a former employee. And I know there are laws against retalliation, but again the same problem exists: PROVE IT.

    And even if you are able to prove things, there is another issue: DAMAGES. You have to prove you were damaged SIGNIFICANTLY to make a lawsuit worth the expense of hiring legal professionals. So although I’m glad laws exist about various employment-related issues, they are mostly written in such a way as to protect employers and make it VERY DIFFICULT to succeed in such a lawsuit. I am glad more people have ipods and smart phones, etc. so that they can gather some pretty good proof of certain things at work, but many employers now have language in their employee handbooks that ban the use of such devices in the workplace insofar as taking photographs or making recordings (I wonder WHY??!!). As such, even if you do get your proof on video, it will be inadmissible in court, if your employer has a policy against the use of audio/video devices at work. If you can’t take photos, videos, or record anything, and your co-workers won’t be potential witnesses because of the fear of retalliation, then there isn’t much left to do.

    Also, if anyone has 2 years of free time to pursue a lawsuit against an ex-employer who wronged them, they would be better off to use that time to re-invent a new business or something else for themselves. It would also be healthier for them emotionally than to stew over past wrongs. That doesn’t mean they didn’t OCCUR, just that they aren’t worth your emotional health or ANOTHER MINUTE of your thoughts.

    If you can think of a way we can all create an internet business together that we can do in our slippers from our PC, LET ME KNOW!

    Blessings to you and your family and your pocketbook, Kay!

  220. Ok ladies,
    I am almost 50 and I have been going through the same thing all my life. Here is the deal. The only solution is to go to HR and don’t let no one tell you different. Make sure you right everything up and never throw it away. You might need it to when a lawsuit. The fact that you have the details of every move written in black and white will make all of them, i.e., men, women, managers, executives etc. STOP. Now once you have put this in their face. You have to decide if you want to continue working at that company. However keep in mind, that you may have blew your chances of being promoted, but no one will fire you and they will be very careful not to bother you as you have evidence on paper. It is sad that this happens, but be strong. It is the only thing that will get you through this. Moreover, time may put you back on track with the company, so you can get promoted later down the road. All the same, you have to get back in the game, if you choose to stay.

  221. Chris, note that even if you have your ducks in order and documentation and go to HR, all that will do is cause management and HR to plot your removal in some OTHER fashion. In today’s economy, that is very EASY by simply laying you off, citing financial constraints. It would be nearly impossible to prove a connection between your complaint to HR and such a financial layoff in a court of law, without a direct witness statement of someone within the company who overheard someone in management state out loud, “We are going to pretend to lay her off because of her HR complaint.” Most ppl, even if they were witness to something like that, won’t risk THEIR job to testify in court on your behalf. Although future retalliation against them would be illegal for testifying, PROVING it was retalliation would again require the direct witness testimony of someone ELSE who overheard someone in management saying, “We let her go for testifying on behalf of the employee we laid off for going to HR.”

    Even if a person was NOT laid off as a transparent pretext for their retalliating against her for complaining to HR about bullying by females at work, there are a lot of legal ways they can make that person’s work life miserable for the remainder of their time there.

    It’s always easier to find a job if you HAVE a job, so sometimes the best strategy is to look for a different job on the sly, rather than go to HR or prepare for a lawsuit. Such company cultures are sick at their core due to the personality defects of persons in positions of power there, and that won’t likely change by going to HR or suing them, but they DO have lots of ways of making YOU pay for pointing it out… Sometimes the best strategy is to leave them behind in the dust to rot in their own sick work environment. Believe me, with you gone, they will turn on EACH OTHER and eventually implode, because their sickness must be expressed on SOME target or targets (it just doesn’t have to be YOU).

  222. It is so sad how people have become in how they treat one another when we are all, every single one us no matter where we come from, are related to each other through Noah and Adam. Jesus calls us to love one another and those who truly have God in their lives show love to one another. Jesus must be crying…He died for each one of us.

  223. I too am experiencing forms of harrassment explained above….from both males and females.

  224. Dear all,

    Guess that i am on the same boat with you all.

    i am a very junior person in my work place having pass two papers during my junior years. Well most of my colleague are about 4-5 years senior than me yet some even haven’t pass any qualification paper.

    initially when i join in the department, everything looks as if going smoothly. but as time goes by, i begin to see the ulgy side of ‘office politics’. I was being sneer and also belittle by my colleague and there are females!

    the climax was when i took a long leave, where all these backstabbers approached my superior and backstab me. They had all the negative comment on me; you just name it! Claiming that i am irresponsible, calculative, arrogant etc..i was so shocked and emotionally slapped when my superior approached me and talk to me face-to-face.

    i did no harm to them. i am just good in my job and my superior tend to like my approach as compare to theirs. why i am targetted? i was deeply depressed for the past 28 days…been reflecting over and over again.

    so the conclusion is these people are reacting in such a manner because you working ethics and appearance really threatened them. try to be a little low profile than usual but not till that extend that they eliminate you.

  225. Give it to the Lord and let Him absorb it. He knows and sees what you are going through. Pray for these people continuously. Expressed empathy for what you and everyone else in this blog is experiencing. Read Bible promises and claim them. Remember that Jesus is already victorious and so therefore in Him, we are more than conquerors.

  226. Dear Ben, yes, sometimes if you are very attractive, people assign the character trait of arrogant TO you (I guess because if THEY were that attractive they know that THEY would probably be arrogant…even if YOU aren’t). They may also be a bit nervous because you passed your papers, and this economy is also making everyone paranoid for their job security as well.

    Now, on another subject, I’m going to correct your paper like I’m an 8th Grade teacher (for your own benefit), partly because it was SO CLOSE to being properly written, but not quite:

    I guess that I am IN the same boat with you all.

    I am a very junior person in my workplace (ONE WORD), having passED two papers during my junior year. Well, most of my colleagueS are about 4-5 years senior TO me yet some HAVEN’T EVEN (AS OPPOSED TO EVEN HAVEN’T) passED any qualification paper.

    Initially, when I joinED the department, everything lookED as if IT WAS going smoothly. But as time WENT by, I begAn to see the ulgy side of “office politics.” (Double quotation, and period goes before the quotation mark at the end.) I was being sneerED AT and also belittleD by my colleagueS and THEY are females!

    The climax was when I took a long leave, WHEN all these backstabbers approached my superior and backstabBED me. They MADE MANY negative commentS ABOUT me; you just name it! (VERY GOOD USE OF PUNCTUATION BTW WITH THAT SEMI-COLON.) THEY claimED that I am irresponsible, calculative, AND arrogant etc. I was so shocked and emotionally slapped (USAGE OF THE WORD SLAPPED A LITTLE ODD, BUT OK…) when my superior approached me and talkED to me face-to-face. (EXCELLENT USAGE OF HYPHENS IN FACE-TO-FACE — MOST PPL FORGET TO PUT THEM IN IN PHRASES LIKE THIS!)

    I did no harm to them. I am just good AT my job and my superior tendS to like my approach as compareD to theirs. Why am I targetted? I was deeply depressed for the past 28 days…been reflecting over and over again.

    So the conclusion is these people are reacting in such a manner because MY working ethics and appearance really threatened them. I guess I should try to be a little MORE low profile than usual but not TO THE extenT that I AM INVISIBLE. (I CHOSE THAT OVER “ELIMINATE” YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU MEANT BY “ELIMINATE” THE PHRASE “DON’T SEE” YOU, AND ELIMINATE MEANS SOMETHING ELSE).

    Keep up the good work, Ben, and maybe throttle it back a bit so they don’t think you are arrogant, as you yourself suggested. Sometimes when we are unsure of ourselves, we overcompensate with an air of excessive confidence to counteract it, which can be viewed by others as arrogance, especially if they ALREADY think highly of you (perhaps more than you actually do of yourself).

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  229. I thought I was the only one that went through this…. I am middle aged as well and the jealous bullies are women my age and younger and even some messy type men have joined in. I am so tired of going through this… I stay to my self and do my job and they still go out of their way to harrass me. I have a sensitivity to light and my supervisor a man, he purposely opens the blinds to hurt me. I am convinced that these people hate me and I haven’t done anything to them.

  230. I thought I was the only one that went through this…. I am middle aged as well and the jealous bullies are women my age and younger and even some messy type men have joined in. I am so tired of going through this… I stay to myself and do my job and they still go out of their way to harrass me. I have a sensitivity to light and my supervisor a man, he purposely opens the blinds to hurt me. I am convinced that these people hate me and I haven’t done anything to them.

  231. You may be “guilty” of being too attractive or too confident or self-sufficient. The fact that you stay to yourself and mind your own business probably makes them wonder why you don’t need them like they need each other to feel okay about themselves at work. They wonder and then they assume it’s because you deem yourself better than them, because they already feel insecure which is why they glom onto each other at work for support. That is a wrong assumption on their part, of course, but they will still treat you as if it’s true. Try some self-depricating humor to ease their assumptions that you think you are better than they are. If that still doesn’t work, then their insecurities are too ingrained for you to fix at work. There is usually one or two people who are actively dissing you behind your back to others that are leading the group to give you a hard time. Try to find out who those people are and see if you can warm up to them (without being fakey) and try to diffuse any tension with those folks. If that doesn’t work, then their jealousy and hatred of you originates with THEM and would be impossible to resolve on your own. Try praying for those people that God would work on their hearts and give you favor with them.

    Meanwhile, bring some stylish sunglasses to work and wear them when Mr. Rude opens the blinds blinding you with sunlight. Of course, they will have to be strong enough to do the job, but weak enough to still allow you to read your monitor and papers at your desk. Try to think of the sunlight as beneficial to your health in bringing you Vitamin D and just wear the sunglasses. If people comment on your sunglasses (and they WILL try to make you feel uncomfortable or weird for wearing them even though they KNOW why you must…), just say jokingly, “Life is so good — I gotta wear shades!”

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  233. I can totally relate to everything you just said and I was talking to s friend of mine the other day about this. She suggested getting a group together and trying to formulate a new precedent with discrimination in the workplace based on your appearance. I thought it was an excellent idea but where do you start? I am so fed up with this ridiculous, immature behavior that clearly stems from these employees insecurities and low self worth. The only other option is to go into business for yourself or to find a job that employs primarily men. Its really sickening that we have to be subjected to this but unfortunately we are cursed in a way.

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  236. This never stops in the US. Women are so very insecure in themselves. It is quite disgusting. Often one cannot even talk to another man without being accused of “wanting” him. Wow, how shallow and stupid are these women. I have gone to great lengths to avoid being anywhere near these jealous women and I strive to stay away from all of them as much as possible - I cannot believe how catty they can be.

  237. I always heard that females are worse than males. Until I was in my thirties, I never believed it. In some situations, I now believe that females are worse than males. In fact some of them are just plain evil. It doesn’t matter if it’s jealously (which I often believe it is) or if the coworker just don’t like you. When one woman dislike another woman, the disliked woman will have hell to pay. Especially at work or school. In my situation, I had more trouble with hateful women as an adult than I did as a child. I don’t care if the person is jealous or not. The person don’t have to like me, they do need to act accordingly in the work place!!! No exceptions!!! I read a post on here in which a person stated that they weren’t jealous of no one and suggested that maybe these women are not jealous, but maybe the victim walks around as if their special. I’ve heard this before. If this is the case, a adult woman shouldn’t resort to nasty behavior at the female coworker they feel “walks around like their special”. That is just that so called non jealous woman’s insecurity showing. If the non jealous person was busy with their own work, instead of watching the female coworker they dislike, they would not have time to see some other woman walking around like their allegedly special.
    It is so good to know that I’m not alone as well. I know I need help dealing with this in a positive way and these post help. It even gives me an idea of what the hell could be going on in these people’s mind.

  238. I quit my job two weeks ago because of my insanely jealous boss. When I was hired, the people that interviewed me said they wanted someone who was assertive and outgoing, but it turned out that what my boss really wanted was a self-deprecating, admiring doormat (which I am definitely not).

    She could not stand it when I succeeded or “won the spotlight” as she saw it. If I knew the answer to a question and she didn’t, she would have a mini meltdown and stomp out of the room. She would give me increasingly difficult assignments with little to no guidance or training, and when I aced them she had NOTHING good to say. I don’t think I ever ONCE received a compliment on any of the work I produced for her, work that she ended up taking the credit for anyway.

    She would also refuse to listen to me. I would calmly state my points, and she’d immediately accuse me of being argumentative or disagreeable or whatever. She would also “kitchen sink” me, meaning she would bring up every single past thing I had done wrong, even if the issue had long since been resolved. She would bring things up and I would say, that’s been over and resolved for a LONG TIME!! WHY are you rehashing this?? It was like I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t.

    It was pretty obvious early on that once she realized that people liked me in the office, I had a big fat target on my head. There is a culture of fear in our office, people afraid to speak up and whatnot, and I changed that a bit because I am sociable and warm. She is an introverted type and does not draw people to her naturally. This is also due in part to her very, very negative attitude (although she’d swear she’s the most positive person EVER). So coworkers would do things like make me cookies or compliment me on something, and I would watch her face change and she’d be fuming. Why? Because it wasn’t about HER.

    I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I can effectively counteract bullies, but she was SO DETERMINED to make me look bad that I literally could not get a word in edgewise. I would come right back at her with reality and facts over and over again, I did NOT cower or back down, ever. But she would twist and distort everything to fit how SHE wanted to view me. It’s like someone INSISTING that the sky is green, when it’s clearly blue, but they REFUSE to admit that. She would nit-pick the hell out of my work and try to make me look like I was a troublemaker. She would also downplay all of my successes and hard work. I felt completely written off as a person.

    So, one day I said screw this, I deserve so much better than this stupid, stubborn brat who refuses to acknowledge my worth as an employee — and I left. Just like that. I have never done that before, but man it felt great! Some people are just losers. They will always be losers, and they cannot STAND to see someone who is more competent than they are. But, even more than that, they can’t stand to see someone who is HAPPIER than they are. Someone who can take things in stride, someone who is genuinely friendly and not friendly with some sort of agenda tied to it. It just makes them furious because all they have are their toxic, control-freak ways.

    Looking back I think the only way that experience would have been different is if I had committed to kissing my boss’s butt from day one. I noticed she was insecure from the start, but I am not a brown-noser and I dealt with her as I deal with anyone else, just being myself. But I see now that what she wanted from me was attention, attention, attention, and that’s not what I was giving her. I wasn’t deferring to her enough to prop up her ego. But I thought that NOT deferring to her would be a GOOD thing, because I pride myself on being competent and self-sufficient. But, silly me, I thought that she wanted me to be successful. Turns out, she just wanted what SHE wanted and didn’t give a darn about my success.

  239. VALERIE: It sounds like you did what was healthiest for your career and emotional well-being. I hate to think of how awful you would have felt years from now if you had stayed in that toxic environment. It’s good that you recognized all that was wrong with your boss and her deep insecurities and that what she said she wanted was sooo different than what she really wanted from you. I wish you the best in finding alternative employment and/or a gig that you can thrive in and fulfill your life’s purposes. Trying to please an unpleasable, insecure female boss is NOT your life’s purpose! I’m sorry you went through that, but believe that in the larger scheme you will benefit from having learned more about others and more about yourself and your ability to shut the door when necessary.

  240. I am going through this same situation since I was 6 years old and at 41 I still am. By the way, I am black woman of native american and creole descent with long wavy straight hair and I sort of look like Irene Cara which I’ve been told since I was in the 4th grade. I have this co-worker that’s harassing me with her bad attitude and bossiness and she’s always looking at me with this mean look or a smirk and I just turn my head and ignore her. I also have this District Director whom I believe is jealous of me as well because she’s been finding faults with me and relaying them over to my supervisor and she confronts them to me. These are all black women and it’s really crazy, I mean come on now, they shouldn’t hate other black women just because they hate themselves because of the how they look!! I come to work M-F and do my work, I try to act decent with everyone, I am quiet and I still get this abuse. As long it keeps going on, I’m writing an Affidavit on them an send it to the Chain of Command because this is all very annoying, ignorant nonsense that needs to stop.

  241. I am a female, and I’d rather work with a pack of wild dogs than other females. They are jealous, backbiting people who never make it past elementary school-level cliques and actions. I work really hard, am friendly, but I don’t do cliques or stand around gossiping, and am told I intimidate them. Yeah, because they know they are all wrong as two left feet. I will never eat lunch in the lunch room again, never attend another at-work bull**** get-together, etc. As long as my boss likes me and my work, they can go suck it. I know I am good at what I do. It’s those insecure assholes that need the counseling.

  242. It is very difficult to believe. Very often I find that the female coworkers make themselves over to look just like me and then broadcast that I am jealous and copying them. Psychotic right? They viewpoint is honored and the abuse escalates. I, too, just want to come to work, do my job and get paid. I believe that you are a target because of your beauty. Doesn’t matter how talented you are or how hard you work. As a matter of fact, the harder you work the more they punish you. You make them look bad. I have come to the conclusion that I want to go back to working with men. Sadly, any abuse they might give out pales in comparison to what you receive at the hands of another woman. And men seem to appreciate a job well done and hard work. I give up on women and they don’t seem to want the friendship anyway unless they feel like they can control you which is the very thing that you cannot afford.

  243. Mustang Sally, I think that your comments attempt to bring the focus back to the victim of the abuse so she can say ” What am I doing to cause this or what can I do to alleviate the problem”. Very often I have found that admitting that the abuser has an issue that they are working out that has nothing to with me. More than involving your self by praying or analyzing the situation I have found that it is healthier to get out of that person’s way, protect yourself from abuse, leave the situation if it is that toxic. God calls us to stand up for ourselves and possibly pray for others. He does not call us to be a doormat which so many people seem to believe is a godly thing to do. That’s religion and guilt based. The abuse is real. You can make choices for your life which is healthy and God requires that of us. When you take control of your life and do what is right and reasonable for yourself the abusers have a difficult time keeping up with you.

  244. This info is worth everyone’s attention. When can I
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  245. I’m going through the same thing at my work too. There are many females at my job and they are very jealous. Not all. But many. I would go so far as to say one or two may even have an unhealthy borderline obsession that wouldn’t go over well in front a mental health professional or law enforcement. They, as the poster-in-denial Alexia above, would love if I believed that it were a scent I was giving off or a contortion of my face that were at the root of their hostility. The excuses that have been made up to excuse their poor conduct and attitude are just as ridiculous. The combination of a decent looking face, slim body, great work ethic, and integrity are just too much for their fragile egos to live with. More than anything, its attributable to my looks. I get evil eyes from women (strangers) just walking down the street or running errands, shopping. My boyfriend witnessed a young black female stalking me to get a closer look to examine my face as he and I shopped in an Old Navy store only so she could give me the evil eye when I made eye contact with her. He was weirded out by it. Me? Not so much. Just a couple months ago, my mother and I were walking past a frumpy white girl who shot me an up and down dirty look as we walked past her. My mother, not as used to the nastiness that I’ve become accustomed to since puberty, said angrily and loudly so the frump could hear “Did you see that nasty look!? Nasty b—–”. So many people who don’t know what it’s like to be harassed for appearance reach for “stick up for yourself,” “document the harassment,” “tell management.” But what they don’t realize is that if women like me confronted every woman who was nasty, documented all the nastiness, and reported every negative encounter- we wouldn’t have enough time (or energy!) left to get a reasonable amount of work done and wouldn’t have much time or energy left to make ourselves happy or just relax. The hatred is truly that pervasive. There is almost never a day that goes by that some woman somewhere doesn’t make some effort to try to make my mood miserable. And each one of them seems to think they are the only ones doing it and that I’ve never seen the antics before. Most of the time it’s petty, but too often it’s over-the-top and when it is over-the-top, its the females at work (I would never tolerate in my personal life the nastiness and underhandedness I’m forced to tolerate from these females at work.) They are far worse than men when it comes to harassment. Far far worse. And yes, my boss knows. I’ve spoken up, confronted, documented. Unfortunately, the problem females are friends with the right folks so nothing happens to them. No consequences = no motivation to change. The effect of all my documenting and confronting and reporting is that I look like the problem and I’m no better off for it. I would never recommend that route to any woman who is being harassed. When I was a teenager, I would have told someone being harassed to do all that. But now that I’m older and have experienced the backlash that so many people who speak up experience, I would recommend just sucking it up for as long as you can and keep quiet. Our society is not ready yet to acknowledge, must less deal with, woman-on-woman hatred. I guess we are still collectively reeling from addressing racism, sexual harassment, and gay/lesbian issues.

  246. Hello, after reading this amazing post i am also cheerful to share my know-how here with colleagues.

  247. I am 62. I’ve worked in my field, sales and marketing, for 35 years. When I was young the older women had problems with me for all the reasons you’ve outlined. Now the younger folks have issues with me. I have a professional track record to prove my qualifications. I have a salary, commission and bonus history to prove my competency. Most recently our young female HR Manager leaked my compensation to a female co worker of mine. The co worker went ballistic with me and then tried to get our owner to fire me (he did not). Thick Skin is a myth. It always hurts. Here’s what help me: a poker face, responding to attacks with a vague statement, keeping to myself, leaving my office when an unwanted character enters (i.e. head for the coffee pot or bathroom), avoid lunches with co workers, - yes, be a loner. Do not take anyone into confidence ever. Keep your guard up at all times. Be pleasant, smile a lot in the face of adversity. Human nature is brutal. If I had it to do over, I’d work for myself instead of someone else.

  248. I am having a really hard time at work, it started before I got there. I am one of the new girls. One girl from the old crew comes in drunk with her booze in the water bottle, she slurs her words and chases little children around…..she crys all the time and hardly ever works. She now has a coworker (on her side] and they verbally come at me on the floor in front of customers. They act like I am always doing something wrong. I have told the boss and nothing comes of it! They hate my boss also and they disrespect her too… much do I have to take? I am 5″1, 105 pounds with a great head of hair at 50. I love work, I love people and at first work was sooooo great, then the haters started, they gossip and are now making things up about me to the point I have cryed all week end long, I feel sick and do not want to go into work Monday. When I talk to my husband he tells me to just ignor it, punch the clock and leave it……? As soon as the boss walks out the door the games begin, and it’s getting worse. One time before I let it go thinking the boss would see the truth and I got my hours cut! So do I go to my boss, or just confront each and every battle, but I feel like then they will turn it into “I am the problem”…..women can be so cruel and nasty, they try to shoot me down every chance they get, I am asked about my weight all the time, yet I can’t go up to a big girl and say something about her…..I just want to work and be happy for the next 10 or so years so I can retire and run away from all the crazies!!! If anyone could give me advice I would so love it. I believe in bringing other women up with me, put man the haters are killin me!

  249. To Debra: It sounds like the boss just doesn’t want to do her job and be a leader — maybe she’s got personal problems?

    Maybe the “bond” that keeps your boss and these horrible co-workers on the same page no matter what facts, truth, logic or anyone’s eyewitness tells them is: booze. They will back each other up no matter how much sense it doesn’t make. You, on the other hand, are a good employee, make them look bad by comparison, and apparently don’t bring booze in your water bottle to work, or go for drinks after work with them, so - you are “the problem.”

    Your husband doesn’t understand what’s going on at work, and there is almost no way to explain it without sounding like “the problem” (unless he saw it with his own eyes). He doesn’t know that there have been big changes in the way women treat each other at work today, and it’s based on the bullying tactics found rampant in American schools, their generation just brought it to WORK… They are experts at making their victim feel like the problem.

    You can either: take up booze; start bringing them free donuts to work (donuts are a good substitute for booze); don’t wear any makeup, wear your dorkiest clothes (like what you’d wear to mow the lawn) and mess up your hair; or, retire early! It’s only 10 years away, so enjoy yourself starting now. All you have to do is find something that is a life’s dream/calling and find a creative way to do it using technology to market your self/business. Leave them in the dust. Oh, and as a parting gift, give them water bottles full of vodka (and Ex-Lax)?

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