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My Biggest Complaint About Jealous “Friends”

Every had a friend and they seem to always be willing to be there for you when you have a hard time? Seems like they have so much advise to give when things aren’t going right in your life? But on the contrary, when things start to look up for you, their whole expression seems to change?

Have you ever felt that your friend MIGHT be jealous of you, but quickly dismissed the thought because you told yourself, “She’s my friend, she loves me…she would NEVER be jealous of me…how could I think such a thing!” Well, newsflash people, you WEREN’T fooling yourself. Some of the very people who you think love you do NOT want to see you happy. Or better yet, you can be happy, as long as your not happier than THEY are.

I know this may seem like a ridiculous topic, and I apologize if it does. But if there is one thing I can’t stand is someone who claims to be my friend, but shows signs of someone who doesn’t want to see me happy.

Example, I have a best “friend” who has given me more than enough reason to make me believe that she is the jealous type. And I denied it to myself for years. We always sit on the phone and talk about relationships and marriage and all those kind of things. She used to always talk like she would be so happy when they day came for us to get married and this and that. But keep in mind, we were both single women who didn’t see marriage anywhere in the near future. But then I met a handsome sexy young man who I fell instantly in love with and after dating for a while, we got engaged. When i told her this…the look on her face….was priceless. She didn’t hug me, or seem happy at all. She said with her mouth “Oh…well…if thats what you want to do…go for it” (which is still a LAME ass response to your best friend getting married). But she barely talks about it, if I mention it, she never really has anything to say.

And she is not the only one I have come across. It seems like we live in a time where people just don’t seem to want to see others surpass them. Its like it’s all a contest. Who can have the most money or have the most attractive companion? Who can have the best job? I say that it shouldn’t matter. Everybody’s purpose in life is different, therefore everybody’s progression in life will be different. That isn’t to say one person is on a “higher” level than the next. A woman who is a single mother and successfully raises her kids is just as important as a Doctor. Hell, for all we know, she was the one who raised that Doctor.

If you have any friends that seem to be a little hesitant on your happiness, then maybe that person is not a friend at all. Maybe its time to reconsider…I know I did.

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  1. I have had people in my life do similar things, that were supposedly friends, they are obviously very unhappy with themselves to not celebrate in a loved ones joy. Too bad for them

  2. Hey, not a ridiculous topic at all. I can’t count how many times I wanted to sort through just these same feelings, post online, etc., but just didn’t feel I had a shot at being taken seriously. Or worse, the folks I want to complain about and the rest like them shoot it down fast!

    Thanks for this posting, we need more discussions like this!

  3. One more thing - if it’s not just jealousy - what about those who can’t get their lives together, but they just always seem to have the answer to ALL your problems? Especially when you least want to talk about it and in front of all the friends/family you don’t wanna talk in front of!

    Man, now you got me really thinking on this one! Thanks again!

  4. Don’t get wrong the whole thing. Your friend’s in love with you. She won’t tell you. She expects you to realize it by yourself. So when she knows you’re going to someone else, she doesn’t like it of course, and can’t just be denied. Not that she doesn’t want you to be happy, but wants you together with her.

  5. Does anyone have any friends that like to copy or immitate you or another person. I have this one lady that does just that. For example, if you wear a new pair of shoes to work because I needed a new pair, she will come to work next Monday and have a new pair of shoes even if she don’t need a new pair. If I get my hair cut, the very next day she will come in with a new hair cut.i could go on and on. What is the deal. Is this person unsure of herself. I don’t get it. I find it sort of weird. If I remember correctly, I got a different car and the very next month, she went out and bought herself a different car. Has ANYONE been through this before? I want to hear anyones feedback on this one. Please respond.

  6. To Hobo: I have a sister-in-law that does this. And it took me a long time to even notice it because the instances were weeks/months apart or I didn’t know right away that it had happened. At first after noticing I was perplexed, then a little annoyed, then I felt kinda sorry for her. I don’t have a “for sure” answer except that I believe she must admire me/my decisions an awful lot and want to be like me. Funny though, because along with this behavior she is very guilty of badmouthing/gossiping/judging me to other family members……

  7. I have been feeling this from people and I only got engaged about 15 hours ago! I have been with my boyfriend since I was a junior in high school, and now I am a semester away from graduating college. He recently got a very good job that he loves after searching for over a year after graduating college and being so down on money that he would have to borrow money from me just to pay his student loans. We have wanted to get engaged for years but have known we should wait until a better time when he had a career and I was close to starting mine. Anyway after getting much congratulations on facebook from some friends we don’t see often my cousin writes a comment “are you two really engaged?” amist all these congratulatory comments. Well duh, lol. I honestly don’t know if this was a matter of being uncertain (though I’m not entirely sure how she could be) or being in disbelief. She has been with her boyfriend about 4 years and she is a year younger than me and her boyfriend is a sophmore in college, so it’s probably going to be a good 2-3 years before he even starts trying for a career. I understand the feeling of being anxious to get engaged, but I feel she should be a little more rational and realize she might have a few years to wait. Or at the very least not take it out on me via a snide remark on some dumb website :/

  8. To Hobo: It’s called a “girl crush” and it doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian and is in love with you. It hardly has anything to do with sex at all. She’s just as DoubleTake said, admiring you. Jealousy is also in there, don’t get me wrong! But if you google girl crush, you’d be amazed at what pops up. This is happening between two girl friends of mine, and neither can figure out what is going on. It’s stupid to the point of silliness. They just can’t comprehend the idea, so I leave them to their competition and stay out of it.

    As for jealousy, everyone around me treats me like this. No matter what I do or don’t do, they cop this attitude with me, and are VERY passive aggressive towards me, to try and cover it up. But it’s blatant jealousy. I’m sorry that I know how to do things myself! I’m sorry that when I tried to sit you down and show you how I did it, that you didn’t listen! But then again, what are you going to do? You can’t make someone else see what they refuse to see.


  10. This is not a ridiculous topic at all! Thank you for posting it. I have been dealing with this a lot lately, because I only really noticed it lately, but it has been there in my female friendships and even my sisters all my life. Trying to figure it out…thanks!

  11. Jealous friends..It is a problem. I think its best with these people, when you start to see the signs, to back off a little. I mean, in regards to sharing a ton of details and personal info. Know the people you can really talk to and tresure hem. I think its best accept the relationships for what they are and to look for the best in the peson. Friendships change sometimes, as dissapointing as it can be. For example, maybe the friedship can be a more casual one where you walk around the mall and go to lunch, etc..vs discolsing too mush. I have had this experience a lot as my husband has become more succesful career wise. I am learning to keep some details of my life more between my husband and myself. Good luck!

  12. I totally agree, you get to a point where your friends just cant be happy for you, and any friend who is a good one would be jumping for joy at the announcement of your engagement….pure jealousy…and you dont need it..I also have had to let some friendships go.

  13. Yup its sad why we have this kind of a people. I am experiencing it right now. Its sad your there for them when you they need you. you text back even if you its late at night. I dont know I guess its not good to be too nice now a days coz in the end they will just dessert you. I have a friend of mind and it took me a long time to realize how psycho she was and trust me peeps if you see the sign the best thing to do is just stay away from this kind of people. I am a very jolly person and I am friends of every one at work and this friend of mine was in love super inlove with one of our co-workers and that co-worker as usual was super close to me but my goodness hello as I said I am close to everyone and my intentions are for just friends nothing else. I am happily married and recently gave birth to a beautiful little boy. everytime I talk to this guy she would always make my phone ring and ring and ring just to distruct our conversation and to make it worst she does copy almost everything about me like my eyeliner, the clothes that I wear when people tell me I look good on it, my hair cut, etc. and when she found out this co worker of ours text me about hello normal topic like lakers and work related you know what she did? she text my husband and on parties she tried to flirt with her. crazy just because this guy she is nolove with is close to me. not only that if I am joking around with people she would interrupt conversations just to embarrassed me and sometimes not talk to me for the whole day. What am i going to do just tell this co worker of mine hey when cant talk anymore or text or even talk about work because somebody gets mad at me. And to make things so upsetting I was so kind to this woman.I would always make her look good to so that our co worker would like her and ask her out and hopefully leave me and my family alone. coz even to my own husband she try to destroy me she would say that my husband have a big problem coz i am pregnant. she also tells my husband and our friends that we will not be a good parents if we had a babby. she tells me that my husband is discusting because he is ten years older than me. I mean what kind of a person is this so mean. and then she is so religious believe it or not such a hypocrite. But yup peeps stay away its so crazy it might even ruined you marriage and your relationship to your other friends because she will back stab you. this people are so lame they are psycho im telling you.

  14. Wow Jaz I have the exact same problem as you with a cousin only she is a good few years younger than me and we aren’t as close as you guys are, probably cos of age difference.
    It’s almost like she wants to be me but doesn’t want me around either. Normally they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and they want to be close to us but how can that be true when they imitate us but hate us and do everything to hurt us & not be close to us as well?
    She looks like me, she likes everything I do, even followed a career path I had considered years before her, and yet she can’t stand it when people point out our similarities and denies them (even though they are blatantly obvious) And woe betide if I achieve something or ask her opinion on something I have done - she criticises destructively and everything about her is one upmanship towards me.
    It’s like she wants to be me but a better version of me, like do me better than I do myself sort of thing - it’s weird!!
    Even though I support her she is totally unsupportive of the things I am doing.
    I don’t understand how someone who wants to be so much like us can reject us and hate us so much at the same time. I don’t mind our similarity to an extent, i think it’s good for bonding especially in a family. I’m not threatened by it but she seems to create it but then really hate it & do everything she can to distance herself from me, even being horrid/trying to humiliate me publically.
    Only thing I can think of is maybe she knows she wants to be me lol and being around the genuine article draws attention to what she is doing! I’m a almost a decade older than her so it’s probably pretty obvious who did what first.
    That’s the only thing I can think of because I’m totally bemused by her and find myself being drawn into forgiving her only to be zapped again. I feel drained dealing with her.
    So Jaz, I feel your pain! Thanks for posting your story as it’s helped me to understand mine a bit more! xxx

  15. Grrrrrrrrrrrr, I also am frustrated. I have a friend who has been upset for a long time because she is 30 years old and has never been out on a date. She is supposedly my very good friend. I have been married for just over a year and my husband and I have been talking about having kids in about 2 - 3 years. My friend has wanted kids for a long time time and she said she thinks she’s too old now cuz she imagined having her kids before 25. When I told her my husband I finally agreed (he wanted them much sooner and I later) I told her and she instantly got quiet and was visibly displeased because kids are a reality in my near future and not in hers. Before when I said I didn’t even know if I wanted kids everything was fine. Also I have to listen to her talk about marriage and kids when she has never even been out on a date at 30 years old. It’s nonsense really and hard for me to push her out of my life since she really isn’t a friend at all if she can’t be happy for me but I feel sadened that I have lost her. I really thought she could have been a really good friend for life

  16. Sounds to me like your friend is very insecure Jessica. Have you talked to her about it? It might be worth bringing this out into the open over a cuppa as this friendship could still be worth saving,
    Look at her life compared to yours - she’s 30, never dated and must be feeling really down on herself. Marriage and kids are a million miles away from her, literally, even more than a woman who has dated before but is simply single at that age. So it’s hard for her to feel good for anyone else or to be a good friend to you. She may be shocked at how transparent her own feelings are lol!
    Give chatting to her a go - after all, that’s what friendship is about, sharing the bad with the good because life can be tough. I just think that if friends can’t talk discuss and get through the negative stuff with each other as well then there was no real friendship there in the first place!
    So if she goes crazy on you for talking about it - stuff her friendship lol! But you never know, if you open up to each other about this, it just might bring you closer! Keep us posted on how you go =) xxxx

  17. Thanks Confused Woman, I really appreciate the advice. I am seriously thinking about talking to her, you know it goes, it’s awkward so it’s hard to approach but you’re right, I have to at least try I think. Just not sure how to bring up the subject, any ideas anybody. Thanks so much, so glad people are sharing.
    - R

  18. tried to do a silly smiley face but failed last time
    : P

  19. Been going through something very similar. I am 30 years old and have been dating a guy (whom I am madly in love with) for about 8 months now. We originally met through friends 3 years ago but did not date. We talk about the future and getting engaged within the next 6 months or so. I only told this to one good friend (who is single and divorced 37 year old) and she did not seem happy for me at all. She says its too soon. We wouldn’t even plan a wedding till about two or more years from now. She said well than what’s the point of getting engaged? Thoughts??

  20. No worries Jessica M glad to have helped! Hope all is going well with you so far =) xxx
    Hi Jessica A, I think situations like the one with your friend are where instincts/intuition come in really handy. It’s funny how we somehow ‘know’ that a person is jealous/doesn’t have our best interests at heart even when what they have said might seem totally innocuous coming from someone else! It’s like they give off a vibe or something! And yet, we still don’t trust that instinct. We second guess it, believing that we are just being paranoid. But 9 times out of 10 it is telling us the truth!
    Instincts aside though, objectively speaking, I can actually see her point in feeling it’s too soon as you’re still very much in the honeymoon period. In my experience after a year or so has passed you’ll have a clearer idea of whether you want to spend the rest of your lives together or not. It takes the first 6-12 months for you to leave off your best behaviour with each other and see each other for what you are, warts and all. I truly got the shock of my life with the last guy I was involved with. He was perfect at first and we talked about the future in the same way as you do but 8 months into the relationship his true colours began to show! We broke up a year later as I couldn’t take it anymore, to the shock of everyone, and I believe I had a narrow escape! Everything was perfect to start with but underneath it all he was incredibly controlling/emotionally abusive and that only showed after 6 months together. He was the sweet shy inexperienced type but ended up hurting me more than any man I have ever gone out with. I’m still in shock two years on!
    I’m exactly the same age as you by the way so I’m speaking on a peer level, not from an elevated patronising ‘older woman’ stance hehe!
    No human emotion is black and white, and while your friend makes a very good point in feeling that you might need to slow down a little bit with your new guy, I can also believe it is very likely she has her own agenda too, based on her own hurt, as your instinct will tell you. You obviously know her better than I do and I think there will have been other little things she will have done prior to this that have alerted your ‘jealousy antennae’ - these suspicions don’t descend from nowhere, I have found that they tend to be a cumulative thing.
    This agenda doesn’t necessarily mean she is a malicious person or anything though. She is a good friend of yours as you say and right now she is feeling pretty crappy about love. Emotionally she is likely to be in a place where she wants to warn every single woman on the planet off marriage and the male gender for the sake of their own sanity! So don’t be too tough on her, unless she does something really insane and nasty to you which undermines the meaning of the word friendship!
    I think your friend is feeling 70% genuine concern for you/reservation about rushing things mixed with maybe a bit of jealousy of your happiness, maybe 10% lol, because she has been hurting lately and the other 20% is pure man hatred!!! You’ve certainly picked up on the 10% jealousy part but don’t forget about the other 80%!
    Not all jealous people are psychos to be avoided. Some are and some aren’t - we have to use our judgement and common sense to figure out whether it is worth salvaging our relationship with the jealous person or run like hell in the opposite direction haha!
    Getting engaged might not seem liek a big deal if you are not planning a wedding for a couple of years but it is a massive psychological and emotional commitment which might hamper the natural healthy progression of the relationship. My concern is that you might miss important red flags about him or your compatibility if you make this emotional commitment too soon. Ultimately for the sake of giving it a bit more time/an extra 6 months, you may wind up prematurely committed/emotionally bound to the wrong man and worse end up spending the rest of your life with him. My ex was like a dream come true at the same stage in our relationship but my God what a monster he turned into! Seriously, just be careful.
    I understand the need to settle down especially at our age but we really do still have plenty of time. Don’t feel you have to rush and don’t commit to a man prematurely just because he loves you and you feel somehow obliged to him for that, or perhaps you feel like you’ll never find anyone else but you will!
    Keep us posted on everything, I hope I helped somehow! xxxxxxxxx

  21. I have a friend who dresses like me. Everything I buy she has too have. Every hairstyle she has too copy, all my makeup she has too buy the same look. Everything from, clothes, too shoes too makeup too hair. And I recently lost about 60 pounds and she told me I was getting too small. What kind of crap is that seriously.Watch out for people like this. There only happy when your not doing too well and the want to have your life. Everything for the family life to the clothes and hair. Be careful, stop telling them about anything that you purchase for yourself or anywhere that you may be going or anything that you don’t want them too copy off of. That is so high school.

  22. Yes, jealousy in friends and relatives exist. I’ve lost couple of friends for it. Examples: Guy1, who wasn’t my close friend, cause I never let him be, went on a girl I loved, and took her over. All under “let’s go for a friendly coffee”. Friend 2, close one, flirted in front of me with that same girl; He didn’t keep the neccessery distance between himself and her. That frustrated me a lot. With another girl I was going after, he interfered and tried to take her over; I reacted so that I threw him out of my life. She was sorry for going too far with him so much, and tried to reestablish a connection, but I was too offended, and didn’t give her a chance anymore, cause I didn’t care so much for her - didn’t know her for too long. Guy 3, this one is a special, immitates me in everything; He had been in a relationship with one girl I spent one month with, and when saying it to me, he pretended “oh, you were with here too? I didn’t know”. Yeah sure. My another ex, told me that he tried to get her, but she rejected him. When I chose my faculty, I chose t go to another country; Semester after it, guy 2, guy 3, and another guy, who has always hated me, cause I was a center of atention, generally most liked by the girls from our clas, group leader, went to study in the same country and city as I. I see now just envy in that. When I try to optimize my life, and say, Im gonna switch the job, as it will benefit me, I got from a cousin “job you intend to do isn’t that good as it used to be”. Another cousin is enourmously jealous of me, feels very intimidated by me; Im tired of his jealousy and Im not gonna make an effort to try to name his examples … I guess, they are jealous of my possibilities, options, advancments, success in education, intelligence … When I talked to one now close friend about some topic, you could feel it how big the difference in the knowledge was; I knew facts about the problem, I could have explained it in my own words, and examples, while he only could show me some conspiracy theory about the topic. Mybe Im at point of my life where I should be finding new friends, who are free from jealousy, on a similar knowledge level, good as persons, and who are not trying to take girl I like away from me, and who are going to be happy for me having what I want.

  23. Thank you so much 001 for your comment, it’s so refreshing to get a guys perspective as we assume this sort of thing only tends to go on among women.
    I agree with you and have found myself that surrounding myself with positive people goes a long way to helping me deal with the nasty ones when they inevitably pop up (they always will) xx

  24. No problem. Biggest advice is not to talk about your plans, about what do you plan to do next. Maybe petty example, but you’ll easy get the point: One female friend of mine, once complained to me, how she found perfect piece of clothes for her; She hadn’t bought it immediatelly, as she didn’t had the cash with her to do so. Still, she told about it to her best female friend, who went to see the clothes herself, and purchased it before her. :) She was anoyed with her, but they are still very good friends, as far as I know. Problematic people make the mistake of comparing themselves to others; If they wouldn’t do that, there would be no jealousy.

  25. I have a friend who is getting to me - she always looks for an opening to ridicule me and is jealous of everyone - she wants to be the only one going forward in everything but it is not happening. She has few friends and falls out with any she tries to make, I cant take it and have started to resent her. She has also become very arrogant and rude and just thinks she is so superior it is horrendous - jealousy can eat you up and alienate you until you have no one.

  26. I agree. Some people just really need to find themselves and be their own person and should not be afraid to jump out of their norm and enjoy life. I think jealous people are scared and lack self confidence. I don’t like to see others copy everyone else and act like them.

  27. I’m that friend that you are all referring to. I love my best friend to death, but every time she has something amazing happen to her, I just think about how it has NOT happened to me. I don’t want to lose her, but its so hard to show my happiness…HELP

  28. I have a best friend who I have been very close to for 5 years. She has seen me through family bereavement, work stresses, splitting up with long term boyf and has been incredible. I have a new boyf now (met up with my first love - back together for 1.5 years) and am about to move in together, just got promotion as work so now same level as her. seems like everything in my life is great but she just can’t be happy for me. Is now saying things about him to me that are just mean - she is so down on him. She is being so demanding about who I spend my time with and when, and what makes me choose one day over another. Its like she wants me to choose between them - as if I can’t have them both. It also feels like she’s expecting payback time for all the nice things she ever did for me. He is also hurt and bewildered as he thought they got along - we used to double date with her and her boyf. I don’t think we can all see each other anymore due to her attitude :o(

  29. I have a friend who I have been friends with for a couple of years. She has been there for me through a lot of things that were extremely difficult in my life. However, one time in the past, I started dating this extremely gorgeous teacher we had, and I started to feel jealousy vibes. However, we talked it out, and everything was straight for a good while.
    Now, she is going through a difficult time period in her life. She doesn’t know if she is going to get into grad school because she messed up the application numerous times, and she has put all her eggs in one basket, and she has no other direction to go right now if she doesn’t get accepted. She started making comments about my life that are laced with anger and jealousy. I thought about talking about it again with her, but honestly I don’t feel like having a “friend” who starts belittling me when things don’t go right in her life. I gave her one chance before, I’m not really seeing too much of a reason to give another. I really don’t think I’m ever going to be able to trust her after some of the strange comments she has made. I hate to throw a friendship off to the side, but I don’t see what else to do, for my own sanity. Sucks when you think you have something, and then you find out that you are completely wrong.
    I thank God for my female friends who are secure enough in themselves to not belittle others. It’s really sad, because I don’t think a lot of women realize the power of women who work TOGETHER. They don’t even give themselves a chance.

  30. Susie J: I have a friend that is exactly like that! She ridicules me to try and make herself look better to everyone else I think. Plus she thinks she knows what is best for me on certain things when she doesn’t take her own advice herself.

    I am thirty years old, a year older then she is and doing a pretty dam good job of looking after myself I think. She should deal with her own life first, not mine.

    She tries to be Superior and seems to want to out do everyone else as well but nothing seems to be working out for her. (I think that is why part of the reason she stays with her loser boyfriend is, because she knows she is better then he is). Feel kind of sorry for her. No need to take it out on me though.

  31. You have no idea how happy i was to find this site!
    I have a friend whom I’ve known for 6 1/2 years. I really love her and we’ve been there for each other when we’ve gone through difficult times, however, when things are going my way, it seems as though she can’t be happy for me.
    I guess this is something I’ve tried to deny for quite some time now in addition to her jealousy growing overtime.
    It all started getting worse in December 2009 when a guy showed me his interest and didn’t bother hiding it. Our group of friends were all there when he said that he wanted to have a movienight with me. You should’ve seen her face when she heard that. Of course I was very happy about it, but the thing is that he was just about to get out of a relationship, so I didn’t do anything about his suggestion. However she seemed to be very into what I was about to do about it, all those questions as if she had to know. I simply said that out of respect for relationships, I wouldn’t do anything, but I let her know that had he been single, I’d definitely meet him.
    The days that followed after that came an invitation to a boat-cruise with the whole group of friends, but I couldn’t go because of work.
    When they came back, she pulled me aside and said: “Guess who i danced with all night!” with a triumphant face as if saying that she’s better than me. I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting within, but then she put out some pictures where she sat on his lap and various things. Very flirtatious behaviour I can assure!
    The funny thing is that she has a boyfriend!!!!!
    As much as I tried to deny her being jealous at me, I just couldn’t do it anymore. You see, somehow I ended up with this wonderful guy despite of everything she did and I’m really happy with him

  32. I absolutely love this topic and it is not ridiculous at all. I have this problem with A LOT of my friends and I get tired of it. I praise my friends, encourage them, and let them know that they are beautiful no matter what someone says. My best friend says that she envys me because I have a “perfect” body. My body is not perfect? Nobody is perfect and she says that she envys me because I am pretty and boys always want to go out with me. I hate it and sometime I feel like if you’re so jealous of me, why are you my bestfriend? For all I know, she talks about me behind my back.

  33. I have a friend that always has to have one up on me. She will often make statements that she has the better house, job or relationship even if it’s not true just for the sake of putting me down. She going to make sure she lets me know that she is absolutely superior to me in every way. Her negative comments have hurt me so badly in the past but I seem to let things go because I know she is unhappy with her own life and feel bad for her sometimes. When we were single she wasn’t as competitive as she is today. Now that I’m marrried and I have a beautiful new house she seems to try to top me with everything I do concerning my new house. She has made comments that my house is basic and her house is all “upscale” when she
    hasn’t even seen the inside of my house yet! I’m happily married for 8 years and I believe she’s so envious of my marriage because she is still single and can’t meet a good man. She is also extremely overweight and unhealthy and I’m thin and healthy. She recently made a comment about me losing too much weight and having a thin face and then in the same sentence said she had a younger looking face than I have. That same day, I told her I was going back to school for a career change and she told me that I wouldn’t be “good at it”. She believe she’s younger looking, prettier and smarter than I am. It goes on and on and on. A good friend would try to encourage me, not hurt me or constantly put me down. We’ve been friends for over 20 years and I care about her in so many ways but I just can’t stand the competion or the negative attitude any longer. Should I confront her or just let her go?

  34. You are exactly right!! Some people rather than see you happy they will pretend they can’t see at all. Words of advice, just like an eagle when it takes flight it does need any excess weight. It is my belief that people who claim to be your friend, usually can’t fake it and they show you who they are you must recognize the signs. Rather than rejoice with you when you rise, they would rather watch you fall. So I simply say, “When you stand before Jesus, you will be standing by yourself, so let your focus be Jesus and those who are suppose to be there with you will and those who aren’t suppose to be there just consider them removed. It’s called being Kept by Jesus even when you don’t want to be Kept. He protects his own!!

  35. I am in that situation right now.
    I grew up with a girl from a very young age, whom I actually really admired. We had soo much in comon, and had his amazing bond. However changes started when we went to different high schools, and she noticed how well-liked I had become, and started saying things to other people like “She thinks everyone likes her..” and “She has changed.” When in fact I had not changed at all.
    Come college, she had dropped out first year due to personal problems, and I had graduated. Now I have began to travel and do many great things, but she cannot bring herself to acknowledge any of my accomplishements. I understand my happiness reminds her of her own unhappiness, but I could probably win the jackpot in lottery in this point, and she wouldn’t acknowledge it. I’m not saying that I need her to praise me, but I’m tired of it. She is critical about everything I do. I know in my heart it’s time to let go, but I love the little girl in her so much, the one I grew up with, that I can’t just let go so easily.

  36. Well my problem isn’t with a friend (I wish it was - it would be easier to solve I am sure). Its rather with my Sister in Law (husband’s brother’s wife). She criticizes everything I do, is never happy to hear any good news will always find a negative in it, and then try to compete or do similar or the same. Some things that happened recently that drive me insane….The way I discipline our daughter is through time-outs, and she’s been looking at that so negatively and in a sense saying that it makes me a bad mother. She and my MIL (whome she lives with and so she always supports her parenting because its partially MIL’s parenting as well) have been spreading roomers to other relatives about how “I am heartless, for being strict and disciplining our daughter”. However, when the relatives (from other states) came over to visit and met us they were impressed the way my daughter is so advanced at 18 mos and potty trained. Then the SIL got even worse. She then tried to put our nephew to time out and he threw out all the clothes from closet and dressers (she even said that). Also, as soon as I potty trained our daughter she started to push our nephew to do #2 on the toilet (he is 3 1/2 btw). And most recently, we went on vacation and we posted our pics on facebook, and immediately (4 hrs later) she posts pictures of their vacation from 3 years ago that she never posted before.

    I am not a jealous type. I am happy with myself and do what makes ME and US happy not to impress anyone else. I am happy when she accomplishes things and give her compliments and yet all she does is criticizes and the turns around and tries to do that same exact thing.

    I wish she was a friend and not a family member. It would be easier. this way I can’t just exclude her from my life otherwise I’d talk to her about it. But I never want to come between my husband and his brother. They are only brothers and the last thing I’d want is to put a strain on their brother relationship.

    Just out of curiosity, what would you ladies do in my shoes?

  37. Thank you for this! Glad I’m not the only one who feels the same way!

  38. My problem with my friend is beginning to escalate and I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist anymore. It is time to move on from all of this and find a friend that truly cares about me.

    Whenever I have something positive to say about my life, she won’t acknowledge it but instead will point out the negative aspects of my life. She plays on my weaknesses and knows just how to push my buttons. She’ll zap me with her inappropriate, immature comments every opportunity she gets. It’s obvious she wants me to fail.

    She has called me several times but I won’t return her call. I want her out of my life for good. Do I confront her or just avoid her and hope she will disappear forever. PLEASE, I would really appreciate it, if someone could provide some good advise. Mini. Reference article “Mini on June 5th, 2010 at 6:40 pm”

  39. Great topic! I have a “friend” who makes at least four times as much money as my hubby and I, travels all around the world, is much more successful in a similar profession to mine, in fact, is actually sort of “famous” . . . and yet I still feel her jealousy.

    I think she’s jealous because we’re happy with MUCH less! She does stuff and buys stuff and goes places, but her happiness never seems to last, she’s always onto the next “fix.”

    She also has most of the symptoms of Narcissist Personality Disorder.
    (Especially cheapness! She once invited us out for pizza and ordered a personal mini pizza for three people!) Needless to say, I’m kicking her to the curb.

  40. I’ve just had another nasty friend cut me out of their life for basically caring about them too much after I thought something bad had happened to them. It turned out it hadn’t - it was a case of mistaken identity and I’d got the wrong end of the stick - but not before I’d made a fool of myself freaking out about it & checking if they were ok lol! It took them days to let me know either way and in the meantime I was getting more and more worried about them (naturally…) I’m trying not to say too much as don’t want to be identified but basically that’s what it was. Apparently they felt overwhelmed by my concerned attention (all electronic & private btw) and sent me a Dear John email with a barrage of criticisms, forbidding me to contact them ever again. To me that’s an interpersonal hit and run, an act of aggression - hit me repeatedly and then run away without giving me the chance to hit back. Oh and they wish me well apparently - pull the other one! Smiling at me while they stick the knife in my back? Et tu Brute? Come on!
    We go back 20 years this female friend and I but looking back the relationship has always been very strained with me caring more about her than she about me. She was always constantly criticising me, belittling me in public, and never supporting any of my accomplishments unless it was of some value to her. Truly I’ve had more reason to cut her out of my life than she has me but I haven’t because, well, I’m sane & believe in I’m Ok You’re Ok/mutual respect. She takes the stance ‘I’m Ok You’re Not Ok’….
    I believe she’s a narcisisst and is one of those people where lots of other people seem to dislike her when you mention her name. It’s really strange - I’ve never known anyone to be so disliked by other friends generally.
    This friend is successful in their own right but now I see signs of envy and hatred and just general contempt that I never realised before. As someone else has posted they’d rather not see us at all than see us happy.
    Mini I would say first talk to your friend about how you feel and then if nothing improves you can part ways with her. She may not realise she’s being so horrid. Chances are she probably does but keep it fair for the sake of your own conscience just in case she wants to make amends. Communication is paramount, something my friend never understood. It’s very hurtful to be hit with a barrage of criticisms you’ve never heard before (valid or not) followed by ‘get lost and good luck’
    CW xxxx

  41. Wow, ConfusedWoman, I think we share the same “friend!” It was interesting what you posted about how other people seem to dislike her when you mention her name. The same thing happened when my “friend’s” name came up in conversation with a lady passing out samples in a grocery store. The sample lady didn’t say anything bad about her, but the pained look on her face told the whole story!!


  42. Fascinating isn’t it Rae! I would also say that my so called friend is a Narcissist, for sure. All the symptoms everything from paranoia to seeing people as extensions of themselves to envy to grandiosity/being truly full of herself to the point of looking down on others. She doesn’t like to be disagreed with either. My friend also has the attitude that she’s gods gift to men - if any man is remotely affeectionate or friendly towards her she assumes he fancies her (read obsessed lol!) and treats him accordingly when really he’s just being friendly. Wish I could get her assessed by a psych, she’d efinitely be NPD!
    I get the feeling society in general doesn’t like a narcissist and can spot them a mile off. They can be described as full of their own self importance, nobody else matters and they discard people from their lives on a whim. Also engaging in behaviours that are grounds for arrest or being fired and only get away with it by the skin of their teeth. She’s engaged in a few behaviours like this in the past. Most of our mutual friends have had something negative to say about her at some point, even actively taking the mickey out of her. Stupid ass here has always stood up for her but not anymore, I’m joining the ranks of the rest of them! xxx

  43. Oh I forgot! My friend is sort of famous too! Seriously - she’s a minor celeb in the entertainment industry….

  44. Good for you, CW! You deserve a real friend, not just someone who craves an audience. My N-emy rarely sends me emails, but I’ve received a couple from her in the last two weeks, even an invite to get coffee together. At first I thought she was sniffing out that I’ve been distancing myself from her, then yesterday the real reason hit me like a ton of bricks: her birthday is coming up! She’s being nice to me in order to get those “narcissistic supplies” she so desperately needs. Isn’t it great to finally be able to spot these losers? (Though I must admit it’s still hard sometimes. They can be so “nice.”)

  45. Sounds like she wanted you all for herself as her comfort pillow and bitch session. When it came to ‘your’ happiness, she wasn’t interested.

  46. omg i am dealing with something simular but im not entirely sure i have these 2 friends that have been m beast friends for years but they seem to act different towards me than eachother the alwas have like the will invite eachother to events and not invite me or they talk about me to eachother and they always have little caddy side remarks everytime i come around if i tell them something good going on in my life and i dont disclose every detail they accuse me of lying!!!!!!!!!!!! and i recently lost some weight and when i seen my friends the refused to acknowledge it, instead the say the dont notice it even though its a significant amount (60lbs) one of them competes with me constantly and the other one puts me down all the time and only calls me to ask about my buisness or tell me about someone else’s im soo confused because i am obsessed on why they treat me this way my other friends and family insist that i dump them as friends but i dont know why i cant i feel this need for theyre approval and they comment on my relationship constantly the question me all the time on my buisness i am at a loss right now what is goin on and what should i do

  47. So sorry you’re going through all this, darlingdee. But I agree with your family, these people are NOT your friends. One thing that could help: work on approving YOURSELF. When you feel good about yourself, you won’t care what these so-called friends think of you. Hang in there, better times are ahead!

  48. Hi Mini,

    Your friend sounds exactly like mine. She makes more than me, is (I suppose) happily married (but he’s not working full time now), in an established career she loves and everything usually works out for her. She is still super-jealous and makes these remarks to me that make me do a double take. I think back to our conversations and realize she was making insecure, snide remarks. Her husband does it too! They make fun of people to the point of being annoying and never want to be happy for people. They have something negative to say about anyone who gets good news. She puts me down to make herself feel better. It’s really sad because we used to be so close and have known each other since high school. This started years before she met her husband, so I’m chalking it up to immaturity/insecurity and the fact I just didn’t see the signs earlier. Trying to distance myself from her, but it’s hard b/c she acts nice sometimes too.

  49. Oh, and Mini- phase her out. You’re better off without her.

  50. What I find amazing about my own experiences and the stories here is that many of these ‘friends’ are incredibly successful in their own right. It’s like they can’t bear to share the limelight with anyone else, that yes, they are successful but nobody else is allowed to be and if they are they should be cut down immediately. These ‘friends’ are the stuff that career bullies are made of, that anyone as talented or successful as them is a threat to them and they must be eliminated immiediately. This behaviour manifests in areas of relationships, attractiveness, social popularity, income level/material status as well not just at work. The insane things is that we are the ones who end up labelled with a mental health problem when we inevitably become depressed or withdrawn or mistrustful owing to the behaviour of these people when it is they who were pathological and unhinged from the start! The ultimate projection I guess!

  51. I agree. I’m going into the same industry as her, and I need to do training ahead of time. When I suggested I’d do it at her work, she came up with so many reasons not to do it there (even though I had visited before and met other people I liked at her work) and seemed extremely upset/threatened. She listed the reasons on email and reiterated in person! I guess I was invading her “turf”. I’m trying not to let her get to me. She was my friend when I was friends with a lot of people I later learned just were friends with me to manipulate me or put me down to make themselves feel better. I feel like cr*p when I hang out with her and she discourages me instead of encourages me. That’s not a friend.

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