In an evolutionary sense, something has gone completely wrong with the human body in the last 20 years and I think it all started with the slow addition of ounces to soft drink cup sizes.
First there was the Big Gulp. Debuting in a flash of brilliance years ago at 32 ounces, it was a phenom. Initially, 7-Eleven was about the only place you could find a drink of this magnitude. Then, seemingly overnight, the 32 ounce drink became common place, if not an industry standard.
32 ounces wasn’t enough after about two weeks so the engineers went back to the lab and came up with the Super Big Gulp. Engineers amazingly push the limits of the plastic cup to sizes that were unimaginable only about two weeks earlier and the Super Big Gulp’s 44 ounces of refreshment were more than a novelty, they were a necessity.
Thankfully those days of unquenching minimalism didn’t last long. Another two weeks later and we finally had the Double Gulp weighing in at an almost unsafe to carry 64 ounces of self-contained sugar and caffeine.
Of course there are the pseudo cup mugs that go well beyond the Double Gulp but I consider these not to be “cups” in the true sense of the word, but rather coolers from which you can drink directly.
The way I see it, there are only a few possible reasons why you would buy the Double Gulp
- You think you’re getting more for your money
- You are trying to drown yourself
- You are on a liquid diet
- There is a fire everyday on your way to work and this time, you want to put it out
What in the hell happened, people? 64 ounces of liquid in one sitting? A Double Gulp of Coke is about 800 calories. That’s 40% of the recommended daily caloric allowance for adults. We’re talking just over 5 beers in a six pack thrown into one cup.