I know it seemed like a good idea when you got married. I know you believed all that “for better or for worse” drivel. I know your really thought you were going to be with that one person forever.
The reality of it is that about 50% of the time your are not, so before you go doing something stupid like changing your name when you get married, just stop. Stop and don’t. Changing your name is a pain in the butt. Hundreds of forms, red tape, annoyances, money. Everything important in your life is on a form somewhere. You will hate it. Then when your marriage doesn’t work out, you’ll have to do all of it over again at a time when you are probably the most miserable.
Nevertheless, this complaint isn’t written in the spirit of helping you. I mean, you got married and it didn’t work out. It’s not our fault, right? Yet we are the ones who have to try to keep track of what exactly we are supposed to call you. Some people get married and divorced so fast that I barely have a chance to change my address books.
Instead why don’t you consider this. Get married but don’t change your name until you see if the marriage is actually going to take hold. Give it 5 or 10 years, then if it seems right, go for it. Clearly this isn’t a perfect system, but at least it will save everybody a lot of hassle.
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Honestly, I dont agree at all with this posting. Because the fact is, its best to be sure…BEFORE you get married. The reason why there are so many divorces is because a lot of people in this day and time get married for the wrong reasons and are NOT 100% sure in their heart that is what they should do. I have talked to plenty of people like this. Its not the NAME change that makes the difference…I certainly am not gonna change my name or not change my name due to it being a “hassle” to everybody else to keep up with it. Its the marriage itself that makes the difference. Instead of giving the advice “why don’t you wait 5 or 10 years to make sure its right,” why dont you advise people to be wiser in picking their mate and staying in longer lasting marriages. The name change is a minor part of the deal. I don’t think it’s wise to go into a marriage with the attitude of “Let me make sure our marriage is going to work first” because that’s an indication that your still not sure. And if you are not sure, you shouldn’t get married. Period. You say getting a name change is stupid? No, getting married to someone with a skeptical mindset would be stupid. Its like dooming the marriage before it even begins.
Shawnee on August 23rd, 2008 at 4:46 pm | Link
I feel that if a woman does not take a mans last name, then she is embarrassed about the relationship.
kerry on September 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm | Link
Comment #1 you hit it spot on. Poster, you are a noob.
u-turn king on December 17th, 2008 at 5:21 pm | Link
I don’t understand the antiquated practice of changing your last name to your new husband’s. That is so stupid and pointless. You don’t need to change your last name to feel like part of a family and the tradition is absurd. Why is it that women are stigmatized for keeping their original last names but men are not required to change theirs?
I agreed with the poster up until he or she said to eventually change it. I fail to see the reason to eventually change it.
The people who left comments before me are moronically annoying; especially Kerry.
Faria on December 31st, 2008 at 4:13 pm | Link
What difference does it make if women choose to change their names or not upon marrying and whether it’s from a feeling of tradition or something else? If a woman wants to change her name, fine and if not, that’s fine too. It’s no ones business and no ones right to judge. The suggestion of waiting is also ridiculous. Most people don’t enter relationships hoping to fail. All relationships (even friendships) are a risk and sure, it’s a hassel after divorce to update one’s name with all of the appropriate people/business’, what ever but so what? That’s no reason to go through life expecting the worst. One last thing, all traditions are antiquated. Why get married at all if one wants to avoid falling into “outdated” practices.
denise on January 29th, 2009 at 7:59 pm | Link
It used to also be customary for slaves and cattle/ranches to be named after the surname of the “man of the family”. Since I am niether, and the world has progressed (thankfully), I have kept the name I was given on day one of my life. Hey why don’t you all ask your husbands/fiances to take your last name ….watch the brows furrow with confusion. (I know some men do this, but we are talking a severe minority)
Would you care if your own daughter wanted to keep her maiden name when she got married? Probably not. Don’t be hypocritical.
lisa on February 13th, 2009 at 10:25 pm | Link
If you are marrying the person you obviously plan to spend the rest of your life with that person. W ether or not you change your name to match theirs does nothing more or less for your commitment to them. You should already be like family, you should already be close and the fact is same name or not, you ARE married. I don’t see how changing one’s name affects one’s commitment?
Elle on April 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm | Link
I suppose that someone should carefully consider whether or not to change their name when they get married, but I’m hesitant to think that ease should factor very heavily into the matter.
If my fiance were to tell me that although she loved me, one of her quirks about identity, or something in her upbringing, or a fundamental worldviews or core beliefs either prevented her from taking my last name or prefered I take hers, I’d be willing to engage in a conversation about that.
If, on the other hand, she were to tell me that she didn’t want to change her last name because, while she recognised that it was a symbol of unity and love she didn’t want to stand in a line at some government building, it might lead me to reflect on the foundations of our relationship.
WhyDingo on July 27th, 2009 at 12:45 pm | Link
I did not take my husband of five years’ name because I had no idea how to do it. He has never even thought it was an issue. Our relationship needs no outward signs of any kind for anyone to take it seriously. It is quite obvious we are deeply in love-strangers on the street stop us and comment on how cool it is to see two people talking to each other happily who so obviously love one another. I have my birth name on all my documents, but my personal stationery has my married name on it. We have couple’s stationery with our married name on it. So I use my married name socially and my birth name in business. Works great for us because we are not insecure about our relationship.
SLady on August 23rd, 2009 at 9:17 pm | Link
I prefer having a standard name-change thing if only to more easily figure out the family tree. But we have a lot of womans libbers today who secretly hate men (and are in denial of that) so they shun the man’s name.
I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. I -like- having my husband’s last name; it gives me the warm fuzzies.
If a guy wants to take his wife’s last name instead, then that’s fine and understandable, if unusual. I just don’t see what the big deal is either way.
All in all, I agree with the first two comments, and think it’s a little self-centered for the OP to not want people to change their names just because she has a bitter and cynical viewpoint on life. Seriously, wtf. x_x;;;
Lady Tam on November 16th, 2009 at 10:54 am | Link
BTW, “hundreds of forms”? No, not really. Sure, there’s some documents that need to be changed, but it’s by no means “hundreds of forms”. Driver’s license, Social Security, maybe some insurance forms, but that’s all I can think of right off the bat.
I seriously wonder where some folks are getting their information.
Lady Tam on November 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am | Link
To some, a name is strongly linked with identity and family. Some women don’t have brothers to carry on a family name, and some women want to change it. For me, it was a matter of a life-long pursuance of education- I have 4 college degrees I’ve earned on my own without my (now) husband. In my eyes, keeping my name was something I felt I had earned. My family were the ones who supported me whole-heartedly, and I didn’t see a need to change my name. Like SLady said, it’s basically a non-issue.
JB on December 19th, 2009 at 3:39 pm | Link
Well personally, i think taking your husband’s last name is something important. All people dont have to do it but to me it is a symbol of connection between you and your loved one. If feels great to hear people call you his last name, you feel perfect and it makes you smile. I was excited to take my husbands name. We been dating since i was 14 and we got married at 24. Im still happily married and i love him with all my heart. We have 1 son and i feel like i have a perfect life. So take it from someone who knows, if feels special when you have his last name. This is just an opinion so take it how you want.
Leah on December 29th, 2009 at 9:02 am | Link
I plan on taking my husband’s name when we marry because I’ve always hated my maiden name. His last name has such a nice ring to it. I’d rather have that as my last name even if we weren’t getting married.
Mary on February 9th, 2010 at 3:10 am | Link